Need some advice

Pollycat

Greenmachine wrote: »

I had no idea that sterilisation cost so little there! I didn't even know Marie Stopes did sterilisations!

Yes I have discussed it with my OH and we have both been badgering our GPs for the ops since we were first together.

You can get more information on private sterliisation here:

http://www.mariestopes.org.uk/Womens_services/Female_sterilisation.aspx

They do advise that anyone under the age of 25 has counselling before proceeding.

It sounds to me that you and your OH were very clear about the direction your life together would take, but exposure to kids very recently has made him question this.
Unless you are prepared to lose him if he decides that having children is more important to him than being childless with you, I'd not do any more badgering or research into sterilisation until he makes his mind up.

galvanizersbaby

Greenmachine wrote: »

I'm sorry! I didn't mean to seem argumentative! I said a couple of things that I think people have taken to not be jokes, when they really were jokes. Sorry.



I had no idea that sterilisation cost so little there! I didn't even know Marie Stopes did sterilisations!

Yes I have discussed it with my OH and we have both been badgering our GPs for the ops since we were first together.

I think if this is the case then you have no real reason to suspect your OH will be changing his mind on the wanting children front (though I believe reversal's have a slightly higher success rate for men if this did happen)

You may both change your minds/you may not but as another poster suggests you are both still young and there is little point in worrying about this now.

I think all you can do is make your position clear to OH and keep communicating

Lunar_Eclipse

Greenmachine wrote: »

The mistake a year ago was a bit of a pain but I have no issues with abortion at all and I did not consider the thing in me as a 'person' so I had no emotional issues with having a termination. I know a lot of people don;t understand this and do imbue the embryo with a lot of emotion but I really don't.

I think you are entitled to your own opinion and personally I accept that not everyone wants children so have no desire to change anyone's mind on this subject.

However, you must be aware that not everyone thinks like this and people do have strong emotions regarding pregnancy, babies etc. It's understandable. So please be mindful of the fact that there might be people reading this who would do anything to have a child; for them the above post is incredibly upsetting and distressing. Just sayin'.

richardw

Greenmachine wrote: »

It is certain, however, that he can't live without me!

There's only one thing certain in life and that's death.

Lunar_Eclipse

Greenmachine wrote: »

That really makes sense- I think my partner likes having kids around and likes to play with them etc. But he is certainly not of the mindset that he can't live without them. It is certain, however, that he can't live without me! :rotfl::rotfl:

Thank you,

The weird thing is I had no interest in children before having my own. None whatsoever. In fact I still dislike a lot of children! But unlike you both, I always knew I'd have them. And my DH will put you straight about biological clocks and the pressure I felt, not that I have any recollection about it myself! It is a very weird trick Mother Nature plays as women (generally) approach 30; I was 27 or 28.

One last thing, I think some people mistake fear (of not being a good parent) with not wanting children. I have a very good friend who was like this. I never did believe her 'I don't want children' line and low and behold, she now has one. She almost left it too late. Just be sure this isn't how you feel, or the regret in later life that you mentioned could sadly be all yours!

And another thing which really clarified things for me & DH on the family front that I have only just thought of and may wash straight over your head or be useful: will you honestly mind being old and grey with no children or family around you? That thought alone terrifies me, if I am being truely honest with myself, for no-one else's benefit.

Greenmachine_3

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

I think you are entitled to your own opinion and personally I accept that not everyone wants children so have no desire to change anyone's mind on this subject.

However, you must be aware that not everyone thinks like this and people do have strong emotions regarding pregnancy, babies etc. It's understandable. So please be mindful of the fact that there might be people reading this who would do anything to have a child; for them the above post is incredibly upsetting and distressing. Just sayin'.

I was very mindful. Hence why I said that I understand people have very different opinions to me on this matter. But, for me, abortion is always a woman's right to choose and has no real emotional risk.

Like I said, if I didn't think this I couldn't get up and go to work everyday with the sort of research that I do.

Greenmachine_3

richardw wrote: »

There's only one thing certain in life and that's death.

There are two certain things in life- death and taxes (Daniel Defoe, I think )

Tigsteroonie

Greenmachine wrote: »

P.S. If you are going to reply, please please please don't say that I am young and I might change my mind about not wanting kids! I have never ever wanted them and I won't change my mind!!

Tough - I'm going to say it anyway :rotfl: I was young once, and didn't want children.

Now I'm 40, with a new partner, and happily pregnant.

Attitudes, beliefs & wants change as you grow older. Honestly.

tesuhoha

I don't think its selfish not to want children. In some circles it would be thought as unselfish. In fact if you lived in China with their one child policy you would probably be a national heroine!

However, having said that I would not go for sterilisation at such a young age. Simply because its burning all your bridges. Just make sure you don't get pregnant again and enjoy your young years. Make an agreement with your oH to put it out of your mind and discuss it again in 2 years? 3 years or 4? Have a review every now and again to see how you feel and say to him that if he starts to feel really desperate for children then you will talk about it then.

feelinggood_2

OP, you mention being 23 and being in a relationship for four years. Hasn't that made you realise how much people change over time? Are you and your partner really the same people you were 4 years ago?

You may change your mind, you may not. I agree with suggestion above that putting it out of mind for a couple of years may be a good idea.

Is your partner a similar age to you?

Personally, I wouldn't make any permanent decisions just yet.

Your partner might resent you if he does decides he does want children, and you might resent him if you have children to please him (I've seen this).

I would also advise against trying to cling on to each other further down the line, if it does turn out you want different things. Perhaps agree now that if that happens, you'll seperate amicably?