Need some advice

Greenmachine_3

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

I have GOT to know what this means by the way

BTW I'm presuming this was sort of a joke and not meant as a dig at the qualitative research poster...or at least that's how I read it.

Well I meant hardcore as in I am dedicated to my research and career.

And wet labs just means not computer laboratories really! Not half as exciting as they sound

glitterycloud

You need to book up an appointment to get yourself sterilised for the sake of any unwanted children that you may bear to "keep" your man. I am horrified that you would bring a child into the world and not want any part of its upbringing. You have no idea of the impact of what you are saying on the poor child. A child needs love and security not a selfish mother that is not prepared to love it or nurture it.

I am shocked that you would consider bringing a child into the world with your attitude. What would your partner say if he knew that you would not want to be involved with the parenting of "his" child, you would probably lose him anyway as he would see you were an unfit mother and leave you and take the child.

Go make that appointment and save a childs heatbreak.

Becles

I think if you are so determined that you never ever want children and will never change your mind regardless, you need to leave it up to your other half to decide. He can either stay with you and remain child-free or find someone else if he starts a family.

It's not fair putting pressure on him to remain with you and not have children, if he's decided it is something he would like to do.

Greenmachine_3

glitterycloud wrote: »

I am shocked that you would consider bringing a child into the world with your attitude. What would your partner say if he knew that you would not want to be involved with the parenting of "his" child, you would probably lose him anyway as he would see you were an unfit mother and leave you and take the child.

Go make that appointment and save a childs heatbreak.

I told my partner that I would not want to be involved at all. He knows exactly how I feel about kids and has known since day one

You know what, I would love to make an appointment to be sterilised but the NHS won't hear of it! And we are planning a very expensive holiday next year and I don't want to eat into that fund to go private

richardw

Are we off topic yet?

BlondeHeadOn

sfry wrote: »

[FONT=&quot]I note that in the original post the OP specifically asked people not to say that she would change her mind. [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]OP, I too always knew that I never wanted children right from the time I was small myself. As I grew up everyone said “oh you’ll change your mind, it’s different when it’s your own. I ignored them and married a man who didn’t want children either. We didn’t like or want them and built a good life and a sound relationship.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Guess what, time went by and as I got older I never once had a tick of my biological clock and remained thoroughly grateful that I had never had babies, it was absolutely and incontrovertibly the right decision. Not every woman panics when she gets older.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]This could be a deal breaker in your relationship and I am sorry you may have to face this.[/FONT]

I could have written this myself! Everyone told me I'd change my mind, guess what? I didn't!

But I do know a woman who decided to have children because her partner wanted them, and deeply regretted it once the child was born. She loved her OH, but hated family life with children - and she eventually left her OH and child because she just couldn't stand it. Very sad.

Not everyone is the same, and it's very okay to be different.

MrsTinks

Greenmachine wrote: »

I told my partner that I would not want to be involved at all. He knows exactly how I feel about kids and has known since day one

You know what, I would love to make an appointment to be sterilised but the NHS won't hear of it! And we are planning a very expensive holiday next year and I don't want to eat into that fund to go private

No... I guessed you wouldn't want to pay for that yourself...

Anyone else still thinking this isn't a troll? Because a holiday is more important than this right?

Pollycat

sfry wrote: »

[FONT=&quot]I note that in the original post the OP specifically asked people not to say that she would change her mind. [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]OP, I too always knew that I never wanted children right from the time I was small myself. As I grew up everyone said “oh you’ll change your mind, it’s different when it’s your own. I ignored them and married a man who didn’t want children either. We didn’t like or want them and built a good life and a sound relationship.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Guess what, time went by and as I got older I never once had a tick of my biological clock and remained thoroughly grateful that I had never had babies, it was absolutely and incontrovertibly the right decision. Not every woman panics when she gets older.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]This could be a deal breaker in your relationship and I am sorry you may have to face this.[/FONT]

I 100% agree with this.

I too never wanted children.
Other kids of my age were always taking their younger brothers and sisters out in prams and pushchairs but I was more interested in taking dogs for a walk.
In fact my Mum said she always knew that I wouldn't have a family, even when I was as young as about 14.

I've been lucky in that I met 2 men (not at the same time :eek:) that shared my views, so I've never had to face the (and let's be clear here - it's a POTENTIAL dilemma, not a definite issue) uncertainty that greenmachine is facing at this time.

I've never, ever regretted my decision and now I'm old enough to be a great grandmother (albeit a very young one ) , I still don't.
I do sometimes think what it would be like to have a grown-up daughter and maybe grown up grandchildren - but regret? No never!

So, greenmachine, I think that the posters who have said you will 'probably' change your mind are wrong.
You might do, you might not.
I just hope that things work out for both of you.

Greenmachine_3

MrsTine wrote: »

No... I guessed you wouldn't want to pay for that yourself...

No chance when I have paid my tax and NI for years and will be able to get it on the NHS in a few years anyway!

Getting sterilised isn't top of my 'to do' list anytime soon as there are other contraception methods out there!

MrsTinks

richardw wrote: »

Are we off topic yet?

Probably but as a BG on the board I can't close or move a thread I have been commenting on feel free to report it to abuse who can then make that decision