Need some advice

MrsTinks

Greenmachine wrote: »

HA! Qualitative research! :rolleyes:

I'm a hardcore wet lab researcher!

(And that isn't me talking dirty!)

And that gives you the right to laugh at others research? because it doesn't interest you then it's "less" worthy? Oh please! :rolleyes:

Glitzkiss

MrsTine wrote: »

hear hear lynz! I sincerely hope that unless you grow up then you never have children... and hopefully your other half if he does want children will have the good sense NOT to have them with you! How anyone could be THAT selfish is beyond me! Not to mention irresponsible! And you call yourself a scientist? Troll would be more likely! Sorry but saying you'd ditch the child with no second thought like that is patheitic and makes me extreemly angry... Can I suggest you go and show that comment to a doctor and ask they allow you to have your ideal scenario of being sterilised?


ANECDOTE - "a short amusing account of an incident" - what exactly do you find amusing about someone telling you about the real urges they have felt? Look up the meaning of a word before you use it



All due respect - you have experienced 12 weeks of pregnancy - the first 4 you won't have felt much and then sadly you had a miscarriage (I assume you didn't abort the child?) which is no doubt a horrible experience and for which I feel a little sorry for you - although in the interests of the child maybe it was for the best...
When you have carried a child 9 months THEN you can come on here and tell us you have experienced being pregnant...

Sorry Mrs Tine but I think you've over-stepped the line with the comment I've highlighted above. Yes the OP is young but that doesn't mean she doesn't know her own mind. She has clarified what she meant now and I'm assuming you posted what I've quoted before reading her explanation of what she means by uninvolved.

btw OP my father sounds like yours and I know if he and my mum had split up we would have remained with her as she did all the parenting. It didn't mean he didn't love us - he just wasn't involved. I'm guessing this is the role you mean to take if your partner decides he wants kids after all

lynzpower

MrsTine wrote: »

And that gives you the right to laugh at others research? because it doesn't interest you then it's "less" worthy? Oh please! :rolleyes:

Exactly!! You can tell this girls just a kid from that comment cant you :rotfl:

Nothing to do with the fact that the qualitative research was about child protection and childrens real experiences of abuse.

Alikay

OP, You mention that you have been pregnant....obviously this didn't continue to term for whatever reason. Are you sure your insistance that you never want children isn't in some way related to this? Maybe supressed grief...or self-preservation in justifying a decision you made?

None of our business I know, but please don't go backing yourself into a corner with friends and family in RL (we don't matter on here :rotfl:) and then feel unable to "climb down" in a decade because of expression of strong views in the past.

For what it's worth, not many 23 years olds are mad about kids either, and I didn't think much about them either until the time was right. However, I now have 3 (eldest is 21) and...well....I can't put it into words, but the Simply Red song "For Your Babies" could've been written for DH and I.

spaghetti_monster

Although I know you don't want to be told you will change your mind, the reason why so many people are telling you otherwise is that most people as they go through life change their minds about a lot of things.

My own situation (like many of the examples already on the thread) - at age 23 I was working hard on my career, full of ambition, travelled a lot. I had absolutely no interest in having children. Now aged 36 I'm married, view my career quite differently and we're trying to start a family. I'm also not a vegetarian anymore and have different religious views (things I thought wouldn't change but did).

I think this is what is nice about life - that it doesn't stay the same, it's full of surprises. You don't stay the same either.

But like you say too, you never know. Like someone else said, just keep talking to your OH and enjoy the here and now!

belfastgirl23

If he wants the kids it does make sense to me that he would be responsible for the bulk of the parenting type role - bathing, burping, changing. The OP is right, this works fine for a lot of couples the other way around and it is a good way to see if your OH really means it when he says he wants a kid. I've seen it happen to friends of mine, pressured by their husbands into having kids and once they're born it still all seems to be Mum's responsibility. Not saying they regret any of it though but it doesn't exactly seem fair to me.

belfastgirl23

Greenmachine wrote: »

I'm a hardcore wet lab researcher!

I have GOT to know what this means by the way

BTW I'm presuming this was sort of a joke and not meant as a dig at the qualitative research poster...or at least that's how I read it.

MrsTinks

Sorry but I still suspect she's a troll I'm afraid...
If she's not then she'll know she's not and maybe she's getting to see that having a child is not something to maybe do because she's selfish enough to not want to loose her boyfriend of 4 years - if she is then she won't care.
I might retract that statement if she hadn't said should they split up she'd not want the child... he'd have to have it. If it had just been the "uninvolved" then maybe... but to be so callous as to bringing a life into this world that you knwo you won't want or love just because she's selfish? (being that I appreciate all this is hypothetical as at present her OH hasn't said he'd WANT kids, just that he might, and even then he might change his mind again, he may love the OP enough to stay even if she doesn't want kids or they might break up over something entirely different, that's life and who knows what the future holds... I just hope that if THAT is how anyone feels about having a child then their future certainly does NOT include a precious little baby who will be looking for love from it's mother who couldn't care less about it...

lostinrates

I used to work as a scientist too. And my area of specialisation was in physiological causation or response to behavioural occurances. That said, it was not human biology/research and I have no idea what research is published on either side of this ''discussion''; perhaps OP is?

OP, I agree you shouldn't have a child as you so clearly don't want one. BUT, while I for one do not want to pull the age card I have a strong feeling that if we were to collate the reults of people who at 23 didn't want children but later did, the results may well show there is a strong likelihood that people might change their minds. Of course, this is a discussion forum, not a science one, and very few people are going to have access to any papers to contribute to such a query in a ''scientific'' way rather than a human ''gut'' response.

FWIW at 23 I didn't want kids either, and feelings can change dramtically. In responce to your comments about being with your partner for four years and longer than some marriages,I also, at 23 had lived for some years with a partner I'd do anything for, and that then changed too. Just because that changed didn't mean those feelings weren't as strong. Frankly, if at thirty I had not grown and evolved from the personality I was pre-twenty, it would be concerning. Sometimes as you mature the people you are with grow in a similar way, sometimes you don't: it doesn't mean your love now is more (or less) commited. I just don't believe these things are quantifiable.

Greenmachine_3

lynzpower wrote: »

Exactly!! You can tell this girls just a kid from that comment cant you :rotfl:

Nothing to do with the fact that the qualitative research was about child protection and childrens real experiences of abuse.

Oh my goodness I was kidding!! There is a big rivalry in my section about which is 'better'- quants or quals!

However, you said that you worked with child protection so I am guessing your research was more kind of social science based! I was meaning the rivalry between quants and quals biological and chemical research!

MrsTine wrote: »

hear hear lynz! I sincerely hope that unless you grow up then you never have children... and hopefully your other half if he does want children will have the good sense NOT to have them with you! How anyone could be THAT selfish is beyond me! Not to mention irresponsible! And you call yourself a scientist? Troll would be more likely! Sorry but saying you'd ditch the child with no second thought like that is patheitic and makes me extreemly angry... Can I suggest you go and show that comment to a doctor and ask they allow you to have your ideal scenario of being sterilised?


ANECDOTE - "a short amusing account of an incident" - what exactly do you find amusing about someone telling you about the real urges they have felt? Look up the meaning of a word before you use it



All due respect - you have experienced 12 weeks of pregnancy - the first 4 you won't have felt much and then sadly you had a miscarriage (I assume you didn't abort the child?) which is no doubt a horrible experience and for which I feel a little sorry for you - although in the interests of the child maybe it was for the best...
When you have carried a child 9 months THEN you can come on here and tell us you have experienced being pregnant...

Yes I aborted it.