help with live in mother

DKLS

Op Do you have a patio and a spade?

If so problem solved.

pinkshoes

consultant31 wrote: »

This is just so untrue and just the sort of rubbish normally spouted by one of life's naturally slim people. I run a Slimming World group (and struggle with my own weight) and if it were that easy, I'd be out of a job.

And this is a typical response of an overweight person.

SOME overweight people really can't help it, nor can some skinny people.

I lived with an obese girl, and she couldn't understand why she wasn't losing weight when she ate so little and often skipped meals.

After watching her closely, I noticed a biscuit here, a sausage roll there... and at an estimate she was eating about 3000 calories a day!

MOST overweight people are overweight because their calories in are greater than their calories burnt, although obviously there are some exceptions for people who are naturally fat.

belfastgirl23

If you're taking no exercise, not even the basic background activity that looking after yourself involves, and eating badly, I don't think it takes brain of britain to work out why you're overweight. I say as someone who does that myself too much of the time

mortgagefreeby_2023

Thanks so much for all your replies. Sorry it has taken me so long to update. Well my previously incapable mother has been very busy in the last few days. Clothes have been washed and dried, and she has been up and dressed and out the door by 10am since our big row. We have had chance to talk and I have been told that she has not eaten or slept in days and she has wept and told me how it feels to be part of a familiy one minute and then asked to leave the next minute. She has said that this is my fault and refuses to accept that it is her bahviour that has backed me into a corner. I literally feel it is me or her at the moment. I am wracked with guilt and cant stop crying. In a way I feel that she has died. She has told me that she doesnt feel she can contact me "for a while". When I mentioned what would happen about contact with the children she said that they would "bounce back." I am devastated that she is prepared to lose her relationship with the girls just because she could not treat me like a human being. I am worried about what is going to happen to her in the future. She is talking about going to stay with her brother in Scotland for a while. He has told her that she can stay as long as she likes. From there she plans to look at council accomodation. Her brother (and his kids) have been told her side of the story only and I believe they think I am satan's spawn itself. Sometimes I wish I had just kept my mouth shut and put up with it. I feel like I am losing not only my mum but also the support of my uncle and cousins. They were like a father and siblings to me. My husband says that I am being emotionally manipulated and I seem a lot more upset than her. He has been great and has stuck up for me with her in recent days. I feel so sad. thanks again for everyone's imput xx

mortgagefreeby_2023

Oh, the obvoius thing I forgot to mention. She is leaving on Sunday and has asked for me and the girls to be out of the house when she goes.

belfastgirl23

Em ok we're full on into guilt mode then I guess

I think you have to try to ignore the circumstances and see this as a positive move for both of you. If your mother has been active and organised then that's what you want for her (albeit these aren't the circumstances you chose). What it does prove is that she was perfectly capable all along.

I think you should view it like a mother bird pushing a chick out of the nest. Yes they skwawk a lot and don't like it but it's necessary.

Hold firm. You've done what you thought was right. It will all settle down again eventually.

scotsgirl_3

Don't feel guilty.......PLEASE!!!! She is playing you like a violin, she's your mum, and she is pressing every button she can possibly think of. Including suggesting she won't have a relationship with your girls - she is trying to manipulate you, please don't fall for it.

I know it hurts like h*ll when other family members i.e. your uncle and cousins, think it's all your fault. Been there - see my previous posts!! They DON'T live with her, they haven't had to deal with her crap.

Let her go. She might be able to keep up the performance for a few days, a few weeks, maybe even a month or two. But it won't last forever - eventually she will abuse her brothers' hospitality too, and they'll come to understand your side. Unfortunately it's a phase that you will probably have to go through.

mortgagefreeby_2023

Thanks my friends from scotland and belfast! I know she is playing me. But I do feel terrible, like I have snatched the retirement I promised her when she moved in with us. She is saying to me that it is ok and that she knows that we "need the house back to ourselves" but I have not asked her to leave because of that!I have asked her to leave because of the way that she treats me and talks to me. My husband is astonished at what she is now "able" to do for herself despite her previous dependence on me. I am crying my eyes out as I type this. I feel like begging her forgiveness and begging her to stay. I knwo this would be stupid and I am not going to do it (I have done it before when we have had loads of rows!!) but I cannot feel good about this in any way at the moment. I am trying to plan fun days out for the kids (good old tesco rewards) but I just feel like crawling into a hole.

SUESMITH_2

what a horrible woman - anyone can have a child but it takes effort to become a mum or a dad

scotsgirl_3

She's being as clever as she possibly could be - she's almost making you doubt yourself by behaving nicely, acting like she is "reasonable" and that she understands, then trying to flip it on its head to make it out as if you are being selfish.

I may be wrong, and apologies if I am, but it sounds like your mum needs to be the centre of attention, to be run around after, to feel important I suppose. You being at her beck and call has done that for her, and now things are changing so she's trying a different tack. You have your own life now - home, job, husband, kids......

I'm beginning to wonder if there is a book somewhere that teaches this stuff - cos I'd swear my mother has read the exact same one. Funnily enough our mums are the same age too.....LOL!!!