help with live in mother

consultant31

pinkshoes wrote: »

And this is a typical response of an overweight person.

SOME overweight people really can't help it, nor can some skinny people.

I lived with an obese girl, and she couldn't understand why she wasn't losing weight when she ate so little and often skipped meals.

After watching her closely, I noticed a biscuit here, a sausage roll there... and at an estimate she was eating about 3000 calories a day!

MOST overweight people are overweight because their calories in are greater than their calories burnt, although obviously there are some exceptions for people who are naturally fat.

You're very rude! I am not an overweight person, though I have been and know exactly how hard it is to lose weight and (more importantly) to keep it off.

It never helps when someone comes along and says, as you did, "it's a piece of cake to lose weight". Unless you've had it to do, you have no idea how hard it can be. It's not always down to just being greedy you know!

Maybe the OP's Mum has a medical condition which causes her to gain weight. Whatever it's cause, she won't find it "a piece of cake" to lose it, though it can be done if she's not got a medical reason.

consultant31

mortgagefreeby_2023 wrote: »

hi, I know it will get better but I am paralysed with guilt and worry about what will happen to her when she has gone. I feel terrible that I could not make this work. Maybe a better person than me could have risen above her comments and general attitude.
I think that way about half the time.
Then, on my way to the bathroom to wash my face, my eyes are swollen from crying, I notice that her bedroom light is out and she, unlike me, is fast asleep. Despite her protestations that this is turning her life upside down, or rather, I am turning her lif upside down, she is the one asleep. I am the one sobbing my heart out and wishing everything could be alright.
That's what I think the other half of the time.

I did that......rose above the attitude and emotional abuse, and believe me it doesn't make me the better person. It makes me a bigger mug.

It's only since my FIL died that I found out how miserable my children were when he was here. He stunted their childhood because everything had to be about him and for him.

Dry your eyes and know that you have made the very best choice for all concerned, especially your children.

Savvy_Sue

mortgagefreeby_2023 wrote: »

Oh, the obvoius thing I forgot to mention. She is leaving on Sunday and has asked for me and the girls to be out of the house when she goes.

Well, it's your house, so it's up to you, but FWIW I would ask when she is leaving, get the girls to say goodbye a good while before, explain that whatever she says it's not because you don't love her any more, say that you will try to arrange a visit once she has settled in, and go out for the day, leaving your DH in control.

Oh, and I can't remember (if you've said) how old your girls are, but I would also tell them that you are upset about what has happened, and it does make you sad, but it's OK to cry about things which make you sad as that sometimes leaves you feeling better.

Weepy film, anyone?

mortgagefreeby_2023 wrote: »

Maybe a better person than me could have risen above her comments and general attitude.
I think that way about half the time.
Then, on my way to the bathroom to wash my face, my eyes are swollen from crying, I notice that her bedroom light is out and she, unlike me, is fast asleep. Despite her protestations that this is turning her life upside down, or rather, I am turning her lif upside down, she is the one asleep. I am the one sobbing my heart out and wishing everything could be alright.
That's what I think the other half of the time.

Listen to the second voice. Even if a better person than you (and you seem perfectly alright to me!) COULD have done it, it still wouldn't have been the right thing to do, or the best thing to do.

MrsTine wrote: »

or am I just a very devious person?

:rotfl: You are a very devious person, but so am I, that sounds like a really GREAT idea!

Errata

Listen to the second voice. Even if a better person than you (and you seem perfectly alright to me!) COULD have done it, it still wouldn't have been the right thing to do, or the best thing to do.

I second this. Nobody can play football if the other person they're playing with is determined to play cricket.

Wee_Bargain_Hunter

MrsTine wrote: »

or am I just a very devious person?

Well if you are then I am too :rotfl:. Seriously though, it's a great letter from a loving daughter showing concern about her Mum after getting a bombshell from the doctor. Maybe change the bit at the end slightly & add a bit about looking forward to visting when she settles in (yeah, right!) and asking after the family.

Copy and compose tonight, first class post tomorrow and your Uncle will be reading it with his breakfast on Saturday. On 2nd thoughts you don't want to put him off - post it on Saturday! :cool:

Tinka21

I would just like to give bigs hugs to the OP.

I am going through the exact same thing after having my Dad live with us for only 4 months. All my Dad's family have now fallen out with us because they have only heard his side of the story, but they will find out soon enough what he is like.

Although I am still going through a lot of upset because of things my Dad is saying about us I am also feeling a huge amount of relief at not having him in the house anymore as it was taking a huge toll on mine and OH's relationship.

You have done the right thing x x

ClootiesMum

I have been reading your thread MortgageFree and you HAVE done the right thing

You have all my sympathy but you have to look after yourself & your own family. Your own children have to have a happy and relaxed home and if your mother won't take part in this then it is her loss.

You are not putting her out on the streets - she is going to stay with another family member and they are glad to have her stay. And if you feel that people are talking about you - so what. You may find that for the first couple of weeks you'll hear how wonderful & happy your mother is, but she'll probably start to show her true colours after that, especially if she's been treated like a queen when she arrives. And keep going back to read the start of this thread to remind yourself how bad things were and you will know what you have done is the right thing - for all of you.

Take care

CM

margaretclare

consultant31 wrote: »

You're very rude! I am not an overweight person, though I have been and know exactly how hard it is to lose weight and (more importantly) to keep it off.

It never helps when someone comes along and says, as you did, "it's a piece of cake to lose weight". Unless you've had it to do, you have no idea how hard it can be. It's not always down to just being greedy you know!

Maybe the OP's Mum has a medical condition which causes her to gain weight. Whatever it's cause, she won't find it "a piece of cake" to lose it, though it can be done if she's not got a medical reason.

We may be getting off topic here, but I just had to add my fourpence to this.

There are three body types, and of these, the endomorph has the hardest job losing weight and keeping it off. As Tom Venuto says, if you have this body type your metabolism is 'extremely unforgiving'. You can be very sensitive to highly-processed foods, anything containing white flour and white sugar. 'Any pastimes or occupations that glue your rear end to a couch are not the preferred option for an endomorph...' www.burnthefat.com

I don't know what kind of body type the OP's mum has. I do know that she is doing herself no favours whatever by 'gluing her rear end to a couch' and eating the kinds of snacky foods she seems to be eating. She may be one of the people who finds it very difficult to lose weight, but the way she is living now, she's just piling it on more and more. There are things that can be done. I found this site very helpful: www.weightlossresources.co.uk I also consulted the Nurse Practitioner at our surgery, who runs weight classes. The very first thing she asks anyone to do is to keep a food diary. I took along a copy of a typical day's food and she gave me some advice, basically she thought I was eating too much carbohydrate and too little protein. The total calories were fine - she advises 1200 a day - but the balance needed a little tweaking.

I'll bet the OP's mum has no idea what she's eating. A lot of people haven't, especially if they 'snack' while TV-watching. They just don't notice it.

It IS difficult. If it was any easier I would have lost a lot more by now - 3 1/2 pounds in the last 3 months. But if I had a lifestyle like the OP's mum I would probably weigh twice as much by now!!!

SUESMITH_2

has she gone yet?

margaretclare

SUESMITH wrote: »

has she gone yet?

She was meant to be going on Sunday - that's tomorrow.

We haven't heard whether there was any change of plan.