advice welcome - cheating other half or just fun?

MrsTinks

See I read that as it being the OP who went abroad for working and when she returned the bloke was happy to have her back? whilst she was away and they were not together then he went speed dating and met other single women and some he's kept in contact with... Now without knowing the tone and content of the messages then I'd say there is nothing wrong wit having stayed in contact with them... I've struck up friendships with people online etc and have eventually met them in real life - some have become real life friends, others haven't.
I think what is lacking in your relationship is communication... unless you get that fixed then you might as well not bother...

spender£

hi thanks for your all your comments. mrs tine was right, it was me who went away abroad for a bit, and he was happy to have me back. when i came back and we got back together, he then went speed dating.
the messages are definately not what i would write if i was happy with someone else. so i guess that says it all really.
it's probably over but i obviously need to talk to him, but its whether i come out with the truth of what i've done or not.

NAR

I think he is keeping his options open. For instance does he know you are not going to clear off abroad again? Maybe this holiday time together will give you both a chance to see is there a future for you as a couple.

kpey

Can I recommend a book called "He's just not that in to you" by Greg Berendt. If you get Glamour mag this month it comes for free (it's been made in to a movie with Jennifer Aniston - but the movie is based on the ideals of the book, the book itself is not a story). But anyway I had bought it previously it's only about a fiver.

I hate the idea of "Self Help" books but seriously give this one a try, obviously in your situation it's not going to give you answers you LIKE (you can prob tell that from the title) but it's really insightful and I think it will answer a lot of your questions - it's written by a man as well, about male behaviour and it's totally relevant to your situation.

So you shouldn't have gone looking through his FB, but aside from that I am sure you are lovely, and I am sure you deserve a guy that is going to treat you properly :rolleyes:

squirrelchops

I think that the issue of his speed dating is just a catalyst for the OP to be able to challenge the boyfriend onwhat is turning out to be an unsatisfactory relationship for her.

OP - undeniable he enjoys spending time with you and you him. BUT whilst this is fun he cannot be arsed to properly either committ to you or go looking for soemone else so he dabbled in the speed dating. Same for you...you are happy in that he is known to you and you dont have to go on the look out for anyone else. Sounds to me like you want very different things and unless commitment is on the cards I would move on to be honest.

woody01

Ivrytwr3 wrote: »

i think you need to lay some ground rules and ask exactly where the relationship is and if he see's it going anywhere. If it is, then you are faithful to each other, if not, chuck him, move on with your life and stop wasting your time.

Ground rules?
What is he a puppy?

If he wanted to be dictated to by a woman he would have stayed living with his mum.

Can you not see that being 'dictated to' has annoyed him enough already? This is where women that have these kind of issues go wrong in the first place.

Pee

You do need to know where you both stand. Good luck!

spender£

thanks. yes i think a conversation is def due, otherwise i am going to drive myself mad with what ifs.

hi woody01 - am a bit confused about what you mean regarding dictating. u mean not lay down the law and say this is the way it is - in or out? rather than have a conversation about what you both want and then see where it leaves you and think about if you can meet in the middle and if not then walk??

Ivrytwr3

woody01 wrote: »

Ground rules?
What is he a puppy?

If he wanted to be dictated to by a woman he would have stayed living with his mum.

Can you not see that being 'dictated to' has annoyed him enough already? This is where women that have these kind of issues go wrong in the first place.

Yes ground rules, are we faithful to each or not, if yes, keep off the net searching dating sites and keep it in your pants and if no, then at least you know where you stand.

No 'dictating' just a genuine, relevant query!

bryanb

How did his "long marriage" break down? If it was his unfaithfulness it's likely to happen again.