Am i being unreasonable?

MrsE_2

Pee wrote: »

On the otherhand, presumably that money is better than nothing for your parents?

£200 a month is £46.15 per week, they aint making any money on that.

There are three of us & I spend £110 (ish) per week on food, tiny bit for the extra water & stuff the forth person would use, they aint making nothing but this freeloader richer.

zimm143

He is a total !!!!!!!!!!, what a waste of space. He does not respect you or your parents. Tell him to move out as your parents cannot afford him and see what he does.

zimm143

what did mse bleep out F R E E L A A D E R?
Not a swear word.

poet123

MrsE wrote: »

£200 a month is £46.15 per week, they aint making any money on that.

There are three of us & I spend £110 (ish) per week on food, tiny bit for the extra water & stuff the forth person would use, they aint making nothing but this freeloader richer.

I agree, when there are 5 of us at home, my food bill is between £130/£140, so not much profit or margin or bills in there,or goodwill for laundry etc.

skint_chick

I think that your post suggests you feel something isn't right - money is a major issue in a relationship as everyone has their own ways. I don't have a joint account with my husband -he is very bad with money and prefers to transfer me an amount each week when he gets paid and it's not half of our bills but it's a contribution based on what he earns and can afford. To me the main thing is that he is willing to pay his way.

Your partner seems to resent being asked to pay his fair share, £200 a month wouldn't rent him a room in a shared house with bills and food included so why would he think that's acceptable because it's your family - unless he is making some other contribution in terms of time and effort around the house.

You seem to be able to afford to pay your own way though if you have £14,000 in savings as a student you're doing better than most people who work full time all year! I would ask your partner to move out and get his own place as it was supposed to be temporary and it's not fair to your parents. If he wants that to be a place with you then explain how much you can afford to pay and that you will transfer that amount to his account on a set date each month. His attitude to money will not change - don't convince yourself it will because you've been with him for so long, if you can't compromise on this what happens if your relationship goes further and you have children and need maternity leave for a few months - will he support you? Or you can't get a job after university?

Good luck- it's a tough one

neo2020

I have to disagree with what a lot of people have said so far here. I think it is far too easy to say "ditch the !!!!!!!!" on an online forum, without realising that what it means is an end to a relationship of 3 years on the basis of what are not particularly significant disagreements.

A healthy, lasting relationship of any kind requires good communication. There are times in a relationship where you need to speak to your partner and agree specifics, like amounts, dates, schedules and so on. You also need to appreciate his point of view, listen to what he says and get a sense of his feelings.

There are plenty of people who have extremely sound relationships without sharing their money and assets. Personally, I do not think this is the best way of arranging your joint finances, but to say that if your partner is unwilling to do so, you should dump him sees ridiculous to me.

Consider, first of all, working out exactly what it is you want from your relationship. Would you like to move out with him? When? How much can you contribute to the rent/bills? Or would you like him to pay your parents more while you stay in their house? How much more? Starting when? For how long?

When you have the answers to these questions, you can approach him in a calm and friendly manner, to ask him (note, ask him) what he would like to do with your living arrangements going forward. Ask him the same specific questions you've asked yourself. If he attempts to avoid answering, remain calm and friendly, but keep asking until you have your answers. You may find that he has never really thought about these things in that level of detail before, so be patient.

Once you know his position, you can work out where you both stand and come to an arrangement that you are both happy with. This is called negotiation and compromise. Too many relationships with great potential end pointlessly because people don't actually ask themselves or their partners what they want or don't talk about these things to each other.

Turning to the point about him not treating you enough, we all go through life with our own learnings and experiences. He may have never understood the importance of these things to you because it wasn't customary in his family, or maybe you never explained to him fully how WONDERFUL and HAPPY you would feel if he bought you something you really wanted like <insert whatever here>. Throw in the word "grateful" and that's bound to get any man to perk his ears (?) up.

Every relationship goes through easier times and harder times. A perfect relationship is not where you only have the easy times, it's when you can communicate through the harder times and come out stronger and together on the other side. There's de-light at the end of the tunnel - you just have to do a bit of work to get there.

MrsE_2

neo2020 wrote: »

I have to disagree with what a lot of people have said so far here. I think it is far too easy to say "ditch the !!!!!!!!" on an online forum, without realising that what it means is an end to a relationship of 3 years on the basis of what are not particularly significant disagreements.

I agree with your theory & I think the same when I see threads that say "ditch him/her", but he's a tight fisted git & shows no affection or respect to the OP, never wanting to treat her or help her. He should WANT to, the fact that he can & chooses not to, bad very bad.

robpw2

Originally Posted by thatpip
Actually have saved student loans to give them back when graduated as you can't get grant money without getting applying for loans if you look at wales student finance so i don't touch my student loans if you read and will be giving the money back upon graduating. I wish I could spend my loan but would then be in loads and loads of debt as I said do not receive help from family but instead I help my family out by giving them money from my part time job, so before you post nasty comments maybe you should think about people's circumstances? I don't go on here to try and put people down only ask for advice. I had to give my parents my grant money for uni so the house wasn't taken off them. Have you ever had to do that I wonder? I am asking for advice as I am trying to figure out what do do with life/relationship etc. That was a bit mean. If you are not offereing advice go and be nasty somewhere else.

im gonna be in debt when i leave uni - some of us have no choice
i dont ive at my parents house and im sorry you think im being mean but you siad you had saved £14k which is amazing consdiring you seem to be making out how tough things are ,
realationships where money becomes a problem normaly break down
do you want his money or him..?

Bitsy_Beans

aliasojo wrote: »

It's the fact that a solvent man sees no issue in freeloading off retired older people who are now struggling that is the really worrying part.

For me this would be enought to dump him. Sorry he's got all of the benefits of being waited on hand and foot and he's fobbing you off about stumping up more cash to cover the rising costs. If he robs you blind thats your choice but it's not fair on your parents. No partner of mine would get away with it.

And all due respect to Neo2020 its seems communication isn't an issue as things have been discussed but that her OH is taking advantage of other peoples generosity.

mishkanorman

when me and my partnet were dating we kept separate accounts, when we bought our first house together we then opened a joint account and placed equal amounts into it to cover the joint bills, anything that wasnt shared we didnt share the costs ie I like to socialise with friends and drink after work so paid for that- he likes his music so he paid for that.

we now have 2 kids and I no longer earn a wage, we still have separate accounts and i add less than him to the joint account. I pay for what i can afford, he has to cover the rest. It works for us really well, if i buy myself some clothes he knows its because i have the money to do it and im not robbing the bill money.

he is however incredibly tight and spending money brings him out in a rash !! Something im very grateful of now and its means we have savings and security and looking back on the last few years I dont feel deprived !

a relationship is all about what you bring and what you want to take back, if the two dont match it will never work.

mishka