Am i being unreasonable?

thatpip

Hi there can anyone help? My boyfriend is driving me mad with his tightness! He rarely takes me out and when he does pay for things he really seems to resent it. He said he would take me on holiday to Ireland recently and then made me pay for my own flight!

To put it in perspective I am a mature full time student earning very little money and paying my way through university and he is a teacher with no student loans to pay off (his father paid for everything) and no debt. He won't ever help me out if I am struggling a bit, am I being unreasonable? I don't want him to pay for everything it would just be nice if he could help me out every now and again as he earns a lot more than me, we have been together over 3 years and we live together.

He is currently living with me and my family for £200 a month which he gives my mum towards food/bills but my kind mum provides all the food and does all his washing and ironing etc. He doesn't have to pay any council tax either.

Now he keeps saying we're going to move out and get our own place but has not done anything about it and a year has passed. He refuses to give my mum any more housekeeping money knowing food prices/bills etc have gone up massively and my retired parents are struggling. I think he is fobbing me off and has no intention of moving as he has it easy here. When we talk about moving and I explain I can't afford to pay half the rent in a new place but would contribute as much as I can, he gets really arsey with me.

What should I do? In every other aspect he is a great guy but his meanness is ruining our relationship and he doesn't understand this. I don't think he will ever change though, have any posters been in a similar situation? I would really appreciate any advice from posters as I am getting really upset and stressed.

debtfreein4years

i would get rid of him now to be honest as what if you do go on to have children together and he is this controlloning over HIS money now then what is he going to be like in the future.

what does he spend his money on at the moment?

poet123

I have to agree, these are not good signs for a long term relationship. Cut and run.

thatpip

He doesn't buy anything for himself ever, he didn't even own a coat when I first met him so he can't understand it if I want to buy something for myself (even if it is Primark) and he therefore won't buy me anything - not a box of chocolates of flowers of a piece of jewellery. I have to admit my biggest concern is if we stay together is that we have kids and he is really tight with them!

RAS

As a lodger he has very few tenancy rights.

Talk to your folks and get rid ASAP.

Alikay

Hmmm...thrift is OK, meanness is quite another thing. Allowing you and your retired parents to struggle financially and not taking pleasure in treating you reveals characteristics I wouldn't find appealing. Depends how much work you want to put in trying to change the behaviour and how you feel about that old leopards-and-spots thing!!

The_Banker_5

thatpip wrote: »

He doesn't buy anything for himself ever, he didn't even own a coat when I first met him so he can't understand it if I want to buy something for myself (even if it is Primark) and he therefore won't buy me anything - not a box of chocolates of flowers of a piece of jewellery. I have to admit my biggest concern is if we stay together is that we have kids and he is really tight with them!

Ask him what his thoughts are about having a joint bank account.


If he says no then dump him.

BallandChain

It sounds as if he is getting his feet well under the table at your parent's expense. Get rid.

thatpip

Asked about joint bank account his response was "only if we were married" and even then it would only be a joint account to pay bills he won't share any money he earns married or not. I suppose this is normal these days? it's just strange for me I grew up with my parents sharing everything and looking after each other in times of hardship.

BallandChain

Alarm bells should be ringing very loudly. You know what you must do.

pinkpong

Have to agree with the others, kick him out and lock the door.
These are not good sighns, seems to be selfish if he lives in your parents house. I would expect him to conribute more.
As for you , I think if he really loved you unconditionaly then he would do something nice ,like take you out or something now and then. See, if he does not do it now when you have the freedom from kids and financial strain, then he will definately not bother once the situation changes.
Terrible to say this, but go and find a new boyfriend who cares.