Am i being unreasonable?

poet123

Gavin83 wrote: »

Ok, thats fine, people deal with things in their own way. Im glad that sharing your income works for you but it wouldn't work for me. I think it's becoming more and more common for long term partners to keep their income seperate, I know an awful lot of people that operate in this way. Older couples seem to share more than younger couples, but I had this down as a generation thing from a time when men used to earn the money and women would care for the kids. Now women can earn the same as men I no longer see a reason to split it.




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Personally, I think this issue is a contributory factor in so many partnerships/marriages breaking down. It is not about the money per se, but rather the underlying reason why there is a need or desire to keep finances seperate. Is it indicative of a trust issue? or a selfish attitude to what is mine? that goes deeper than money for me, and brings up lots of questions about all areas of the relationship.

Oh, and I am not that old;)

robpw2

Hi there I need some advice please. I am a second year mature undergraduate student and I have been saving my student loans and grants for the past two years and have lived off the income from my job (I work part time during term time and full time in holidays).
I have managed to save near enough £14,000 through being very sensible with money, not buying expensive gadgets or clothes and not going out drinking 4 nights a week like some of my course friends!

My savings are split between my ISA, online savings account and a one-year bond. All three of these are with HSBC and unfortunately their interest rate is extremely low at the moment (around 1.5% for ISA). Does anyone have any suggestions as to what to do with my savings, as I am not financially savvy and I am saving really hard to eventually put down a deposit for a mortgage when I graduate. Any advice would be appreciated, thank you so much


Pip

do you remember this ... perhaps if you can afford to save your student loan you can afford to go halves in the relationship and shouldnt be struggling

Sarahjovi

So what does he do with all the money he's not spending then! He must have a load stashed away in the bank?

jm2926

robpw2 wrote: »

do you remember this ... perhaps if you can afford to save your student loan you can afford to go halves in the relationship and shouldnt be struggling

:rotfl::T Nice find. From 2 months ago as well.

Geenie

thatpip wrote: »

Yes my parents have discussed it with both of us and he said he would pay more but hasn't, he keeps saying he will go to the bank but he still hasn't done anything about it. My mum is far too nice to keep on at him as she is a fantastically generous lady and despite all this she does like him and she wants to help us out despite her situation. I have asked him to help out more, pointing out that I am trying to help my parents out more. And yes he is aware that my parents are struggling as my father has been ill for quite a long time and he is aware that my parents are not in a good financial position as they almost lost their house about 18 months ago so yes he is very aware of the situation. Anything else I should clarify?

Thatpip, firstly a virtual hug, as I can see you are very unhappy with the situation and how your parents are being treated. I also think you are having doubts about the relationship, and rightly so. Your boyfriend has had a cushy life, dad settling all of his student debts and then living at his girlfriends house for £200 a month for a year, when it was supposed to have only been 1.

The fact he has been asked to pay more and never does is not a good sign, when he has so much money coming in. And I agree with the other posters who say this only gets worse. Have seen it countless times, and very unhappy OH's. It's one thing to be careful with money, which I am all for, but another to expect others to provide for you, when quite capapble of providing for yourself.

It's the insensitivity and lack of any thanks via more financial help to your parents that astounds me, and makes me think he will alwas be insensitive and miserly to live with!

When I was a student nurse, I lived with boyfriend now OH in his flat. He was on a great wage, and was more then happy to pay the bills until I had qualified and got a decent wage. I then paid for things, but he always paid more, because his wage was double mine. There was no arguing about it, or resentment. We loved each other, wanted to be together and we each paid what we could towards our homes, as and when needed.

Don't get caught up about the 3 years together. 3 years is nothing, when it has rolled into 10/20. It is so easy to stay with someone because not to seems so scary. Yet often it can be the best decision anyone makes, before children and other commitments bind them for years of misery.

I still think you should ask him to move out. Firstly for your parents to free up their home and costs, 2ndly for yourself, to give you space to evaluate your relationship and if it is truly what you want for the rest of your life, 3rdly, for your boyfriend, as he needs to start being a man, not getting others to look after him, and find out what real life is like...........

Who knows, it could bring about a change that will make him a better person to be with, if you want to stay with him. Good luck OP

simpywimpy

You said you had discussed highering the amount he pays your parents. How about being a little more direct and say from the next payment date, your parents will expect X amount instead. If you specify a date on which the new amount is to start then maybe he will respond better?

Apart from this issue, is everything else fine between you? If so, it might be worth continuing but set down what your needs are with clear timescales. For example, if you are clear about getting your own place, research rents and expected bills and show him how much you will be able to contribute. If he agrees its all fine, you make the move to arrange viewings yourself. If he refuses do move until you can afford half of everything, suggest in the meantime he gets a place on his own (presuming he doesnt up the rent to your parents) until such time as you can.

thatpip

Actually have saved student loans to give them back when graduated as you can't get grant money without getting applying for loans if you look at wales student finance so i don't touch my student loans if you read and will be giving the money back upon graduating. I wish I could spend my loan but would then be in loads and loads of debt as I said do not receive help from family but instead I help my family out by giving them money from my part time job, so before you post nasty comments maybe you should think about people's circumstances? I don't go on here to try and put people down only ask for advice. I had to give my parents my grant money for uni so the house wasn't taken off them. Have you ever had to do that I wonder? I am asking for advice as I am trying to figure out what do do with life/relationship etc. That was a bit mean. If you are not offereing advice go and be nasty somewhere else.

girly1

Tell me about it you can't get any grants or anything without taking out the loans tiz so unfair, well done for managing to pay your course fees, your parents and still save your loan! Can't believe you're going to give it back, how do you do that? You must get no interest on it now though in an isa as the rates are so low. It must be hard if you are trying to move out and the boyfriend won't help you out, all my money went on rent when I was a student! He should help your parents out if you're helping them out as well with only a part time job. Maybe you could use your student loans in your last year but I understand why you don't want to as they take forever to pay off! Good luck with everything and I hope it works out for you!

kirasia

thatpip wrote: »

Actually have saved student loans to give them back when graduated as you can't get grant money without getting applying for loans if you look at wales student finance so i don't touch my student loans if you read and will be giving the money back upon graduating. I wish I could spend my loan but would then be in loads and loads of debt as I said do not receive help from family but instead I help my family out by giving them money from my part time job, so before you post nasty comments maybe you should think about people's circumstances? I don't go on here to try and put people down only ask for advice. I had to give my parents my grant money for uni so the house wasn't taken off them. Have you ever had to do that I wonder? I am asking for advice as I am trying to figure out what do do with life/relationship etc. That was a bit mean. If you are not offereing advice go and be nasty somewhere else.

I don't think robpw2 was being nasty, just reading the two posts together it sounds like you had enough to go halves as you never said you were going to pay it back to student loans.

Anyway, after reading a few comments & your original post, have you thought about telling him to move out? If he's not willing to pay his keep then he simply has no right to be there, it's disrespectful to you and increadibly disrespectful to your parents. My mum asked for just over £200 from me a month if I were to still have been living at home, that included hot water and a hot meal every night, everything else would have been paid by me, and I'd have not had a problem with that..

My situation now is I live with my boyfriend, he works full time & pays the rent & the bills, I'm currently unemployed & so at the moment I pay the tv liscense & buy food with the little money I have. Once I get a job we're going to go halves.

Relationships are all about sharing & sacrifice, & from what you've said, your bloke isn't willing to do that. I think your best bet would be to show him this thread. & if nothing changes after that, tell him where to shove it.. sorry, but he sounds like a total pillock

The_Banker_5

LittleMissAspie wrote: »

I'm not prepared to have a single bank account with my boyfriend but I earn less than him. I don't see why my boyfriend should subsidise me, he works hard for his higher salary so he should have more money than me.

Absolutely good for you but I couldnt live like that.

I am the only wage earner in our house but because I appreciate that my OH has worked much harder than me over the years bringing up our children, we have always had everything shared.

We dont have his and hers money.

Everything we have is ours and we have never ever argued about who gets what.:T