Am i being unreasonable?

The_Banker_5

thatpip wrote: »

Asked about joint bank account his response was "only if we were married" and even then it would only be a joint account to pay bills he won't share any money he earns married or not. I suppose this is normal these days? it's just strange for me I grew up with my parents sharing everything and looking after each other in times of hardship.

If he's not prepared to share things then he obviously thinks he should have more money than you.


Why would he need more money than you?

Because he earns more than you?

Or because he wants to enjoy himself more than you?

Or because he wants to save up a big enough nest egg in case he wants to ditch you some day for a dolly bird?

Think about it. In an equal relationship, why would one partner need more money than the other one.


I'd ditch the selfish git.

shell_girl

My gut reaction is to agree with the above posters... but I'm not emotionally involved so I suppose it's easy for me to say that. You've been together three years and it sounds as if financially you are still two separate entities. What circumstances led to him moving in with you and your family? I ask because I'm wondering why anyone would choose to live with their 'in-laws' when from what you've described he could easily afford a place of his/your own.

If he has debts/ other financial commitments then maybe there's an underlying reason for his apparent meanness? Otherwise I would be very wary of building a life with this person... sorry probably not what yu want to hear.

Edited to add- I don't know how 'normal' it is for couples to have separate finances... all I know is that I would give my OH my last quid if he needed it, as he would for me. We're a team. We have separate bank accounts but both have all passwords and pin numbers to the other's- because it's our money to fund our life.

BitterAndTwisted

He REFUSES to pay your mother more than £200 a month for his board and lodging and he gets his laundry done as well? Have your parents asked him to pay more?

He's taking the mickey in a monumental way and I'd be tempted to face up to the fact that he's an insensitive, selfish user and a parasite and chuck him the hell out

SailorSam

I'm sure i've read reports that arguements over money are one of the main reasons for divorce.
Get rid of him now, he;s not going to change.
It's not just you he's playing for a sucker, he's using your Mum and Dad.

ifonlyitwaseasier

thatpip wrote: »

Asked about joint bank account his response was "only if we were married" and even then it would only be a joint account to pay bills he won't share any money he earns married or not. I suppose this is normal these days? it's just strange for me I grew up with my parents sharing everything and looking after each other in times of hardship.

have to say thats not how it is for me and my now hubby,
we had our joint account from about 1 year into relationship and it's our money, unless one of us gets some as a birthday or xmas gift.

it might be worth sitting down and talking to him and letting him know how you feel about this and your concerns, he might not even realise...

or you could say to him that your folks need to put up the rent as the bills have all gone up and unless you are going to move out together you need to start giving them at least £400 between you a month (which is still wayyyyyy less than you'd pay out between you if in your own place.)

good luck

Bennifred

thatpip wrote: »

Asked about joint bank account his response was "only if we were married" and even then it would only be a joint account to pay bills he won't share any money he earns married or not. I suppose this is normal these days? it's just strange for me I grew up with my parents sharing everything and looking after each other in times of hardship.

Er - NO!

I think that you (or more accurately, your parents) are being taken for a mug by this man. :mad: He is using you all!

pandora205

I agree with other posters - this isn't a good sign for the future at all. What's he doing with all the money he isn't spending?

BitterAndTwisted

Tightfistedness when you don't necessarily have pressing money worries shows a most definite meanness of spirit. He's taking you all for a ride. You'll see, once he's booted out he'll probably buy that house he's been saving up for on the quiet

squirrelchops

I too want to know where his oney is going. Is he saving it to buy himself a house then will save 'au revoir' to you once he has got what he wants???? Just my suspicous mind but seems he is happy to feather his own nest as your families expense.

I too am a mature student full time. My OH and I met just before I began Uni. We moved in together and he pays for the mortgage and all bills as says he would have had to if he lived alone anyway. I contribute my doing the food shopping and housework to pay my way. He offers to help me out if I am short coming up to pay day or loan day and I would do the same for him.

dizzyg_2

I have a friend in this situation. She is a struggling student with three kids (not his) and he pays only 60 quid a week for all bills and grocery's. Everything is done for him as well and he is on an obscene amount of money.

We worked out his spending and at the end of every month he must be left with about 2 grand in his bank. This has been going on for over a year now and I have been thinking he is setting himself up with a nice little nest egg to sod off with.

She has been with him for six years now now and he has got tighter and tighter.

Listen to everyones advice. Get rid now, if not for your sake then for your parents.