Getting married when you already live together, have children and the rest anyway!

chnelomi

lol

wise_fool wrote: »

Getting divorced shouldn't be made any harder or easier.

Instead, those considering getting married should have to pass a 6 stage test before moving on to the marriage stage. The tasks are:

• live together for at least 6 monthsPass
• and in that time: go on at least 1 holiday together abroad; andPass
• have a joint bank account; andPass
• go on at least 2 50 mile car journeys together with just a map; andDepends who has the map
  
• go shopping together 5 times; andFailed
• each party should attend at least 1 family gathering with the in-lawsPass never again lol
  

Those that pass can get married, those that fail can't. From my own findings this test is 100% accurate so far.

Well i was never that into white dresses lol

3onitsway

Dinah93 wrote: »

It does make a difference to the child from a legal point of view. If the parents are not married the father does not have equal rights to his child. If a baby is planned and wanted by both parties I think a lot of men would pale at the idea that were the relationship to end, they wouldn't have anything like the rights to see their child they would have had if they were married. Equally they might find in many situations they do not have the right to give consent, only the mother does.

Didn't the law change, in 2003, so that now if the father is named on the birth cert. , married or not, he automatically gets equal parental rights with the mother?

Definately so in our case with DD born in Feb of this year. Registrar asked me, while totally blanking OH, if I was absolutely certain I wanted him on the birth. cert - as it meant he had equal rights.

gorgeous_gwen

When I originally posted, after doing some thinking, I texted boyf saying I thought we should just forget about all things marriage as I felt he was not feeling it at the moment and should wait until he's more into the idea.

Two days later he's hardly said a word about it. He made reference to the fact he was really busy at work so couldn't reply, which is often the case, but he hasn't said anything, apart from earlier on this evening when I was on the computer and he asked what I was looking at and after hesitating, said I was posting on a weddings website. He asked if I was complaining about him to which I answered no, and that was it.

I was as I'd mentioned intending to talk about it but bubs has made it very difficult these last two evenings by not going to sleep until very late (thus me being on here now!) Can't be helped but even when we have had five minutes, he's not said anything. Irritating as anything as it's been on my mind constantly but I put money on him not having thought about it at all

It's far too late now tonight to talk to him about it but I do intend (when bubs allows!) to sit him down and have a talk about it.

Mrs_Ryan

wise_fool wrote: »

Getting divorced shouldn't be made any harder or easier.

Instead, those considering getting married should have to pass a 6 stage test before moving on to the marriage stage. The tasks are:

• live together for at least 6 months - (Done, 2 and a half years now)
• and in that time: go on at least 1 holiday together abroad;(Done, 4 day break to Southern Ireland 2 years ago) and
• have a joint bank account; and
• go on at least 2 50 mile car journeys together with just a map; (we do that every time I go back to see the parents) and
• go shopping together 5 times; (we do the food shopping together every week) and
• each party should attend at least 1 family gathering with the in-laws (we've done this - OH's stepsister's wedding, and my second cousin's christening)

Those that pass can get married, those that fail can't. From my own findings this test is 100% accurate so far.

the only thing we fail on is the joint bank account - OH refuses with to be fair good reason - he has perfect credit and mine is rubbish!!

seven-day-weekend

Pssst wrote: »

When women talk about marriage they almost always use the word "commitment" but what do they really mean? Do they mean that they can finally let out a sigh of relief that they have finally got their man,reeled him in,subjugated him?

Would it be enough to have an informal ceremony,even in a religious establishment such as a church,in which promises and rings are exchanged or is it imperative that the marriage is legally recognised i.e it is a personal and legal commitment.

How many women have got involved in relationships,not really expressing marriage as an imperative,and then try to force the issue?

All the signs are there...aisle,altar,hymn.

Why do women think that many men are averse to marriage?

To me it was important that the man I loved was LEGALLY married to me. It gave him a special position in my life that could belong to no-one else. And vice versa.

We had a tiny register office weding with twelve guests that we just paid for from our wages. We had beeen together just four months.

We have been married 38 years soon.

seven-day-weekend

Snuggles wrote: »

Marriage obviously means different things to different people, and there's nothing wrong with that (except for when your OH has a different view to your own!).

I used to think marriage was just a piece of paper and couldn't see the point, until I met my OH. It's not something I can explain easily, but I knew within weeks of meeting him that he was "the one", and that I wanted to marry him one day! It just suddenly became important.

I'm not bothered about a wedding, not bothered about having lots of people there, so I certainly wouldn't see lack of money as an obstacle to getting married. I just want to be his wife, and to be able to call him my husband. It means so much that I am welling up just thinking about it!!

We live together, and I can understand those people who say being married won't make any difference, but I know that for me it will. To me, it is about telling the world that we are a family, he and I. I know it will feel so special and I can't wait to be Mrs OH.

Yes,. that is just how I felt.

gorgeous_gwen

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

To me it was important that the man I loved was LEGALLY married to me. It gave him a special position in my life that could belong to no-one else. And vice versa.

We had a tiny register office weding with twelve guests that we just paid for from our wages. We had beeen together just four months.

We have been married 38 years soon.

This is how I feel too, the second sentence really sums up why it is important to me.

Pee

For people who don't want to have sex before marriage, no harm in living together with separate beds - for the holiday though those twin beds would need to be in the same room, to check snoring and mess compatability.

Pee

If you can manage to explain why it's so important to you and what you expect the wedding to be like and to cost, as you say, sit him down and have a good talk then he will either give you his reasoning against it or be willing to go through with it for you.

Wishing you the best of luck.

Dinah93

I'm sorry but you can pass all those tests and it still mean jack all if one person doesn't want to commit to the other or doesn't feel the relationship is everything they hope it to be.

If you're with the right person you don't need tests to know you're compatable - trust your own judgement! If it's right you know it, if it isn't stop trying to put a square peg in a round hole, you'll be happier in the long run.