MIL - am I a bad person?

Errata

Surely, nobody arranges their mother's funeral just to pee off a daughter in law.

Abbafan1972

Glad you've come to a conclusion on this. But have to say that you're lucky to be having people to invite. None of my family have ever been interested in coming to our house to the see the kids, never mind attend a party.

loobylou2

I'm glad you"ve got things sorted out OP and would just like to say that I think you"ve had some very unfair criticism on this thread regarding the funeral arrangements and your sons birthday. A word of warning though, I know you love your OH to bits and he loves you too but when you marry someone you also to a certain extent take on their mother. My mother has been married to my father for 42 years now and in all that time she has never got on with her MIL and the rows between them have caused no end of trauma and upset in our family, even now at the ages of 85 and 64 respectively, they still can"t get on with each other!!!. I"d work on trying to improve your relationship with your MIL if you are able to because you could be stuck with her for a very long time when you marry your OH and there may be occasions when you need her help and support in the future. Also if you can"t get along with each other it can have a huge impact on the lives of other family members including the children.

Tink82

Do you get on with your MIL? I know how important your babies 1st birthday is and if it is all in place and paid for and she had several date options for the funeral, I would question why she chose the same day. I really can understand why your upset about it all

Congratulations on your pregnancy btw :T

*Louise*

If I had 3 days to choose between, I wouldn't have picked one that coincided with ANY family members birthday, so I can understand why the OP is upset.

In fact, when my daughter died, I chose the earlier of two possible dates so it wouldn't be on my MIL's birthday.

Someone may be grieving, but that doesn't mean that no one else is important.

erichamster

Atomised wrote: »

I've recently suffered a family death and don't understand why you are being so selfish.

Why is wanting to spend the day with someone you love, celebrating their life, selfish? Why should a funeral take precedence over a birthday? We should appreciate people and treat them well while they are alive.

pokey128

Right, Thanks for all the additional comments everyone.

We had the party today and in the main it was a success (certainly i think DS enjoyed himself which was the main point). MIL was supposed to come and so I made sure I had her favourite food/drink in just so she had no reason to be angry at me and also spent extra time clearing out drawers (she loves to go nosing). Anyway, she didn't turn up with no phone call or anything. OH won't call her cause he doesn't want to cause a fuss...

I'm taking very deep breaths and dreading tomorrow now.

loobylou2

Well I'm glad that your son had a nice party. Try not to worry too much about tomorrow and just try to go with the flow as it were. Remember that it is just for the one day and that by this time tomorrow, everything will be over and you"ll be able to get on with your life.

Mappygirl

I just wanted to say that I think I'd feel the same as you OP. If there was no flexability in the date options for the funeral then fair enough, but there was. I'm pretty sure that if it was my MIL she'd be the first one to suggest changing the funeral date if I'd booked a party.

I think people have been quite harsh to you and I really don't think your a selfish person - if you were you wouldn't have started this thread to get other opinions.

Good luck for tomorrow x

whitewing

Glad to hear the party went well.

Try not to take MIL's absence personally. It is definitely nothing to do with how she views DS, probably nothing to do with you either. I suspect that she's simply not up to coping with people at the moment.

My friend came to my wedding six months after her DH had died young and unexpectedly. She found it tremendously difficult to cope with people, and I am so grateful that she managed it. I know she was wavering right up to the last minute. She loves me dearly, and I am sure MIL is the same with DS even if she doesn't admit it. It's too early, and she probably feels either completely numb or really bad. Please do not hold this absence against your MIL.