Wife and spending - doing me head in

Primrose

Not being controlling obviously hasn't worked. So you now have to toughen up and start to be very controlling, very strict and very disciplined, pointing out to her that her habits could end up dragging you under financially if she doesn't start to control her spending.
She may well argue that with that amount of money coming in every month, you've got plenty of financial leeway but you need to bring her into the financial planning process much more and make her equally responsible for reducing those huge credit card debts. Sit down with her on a monthly basis and allocate the amount of money which is going to be paid every month to reducing those debts. Work out a fixed budget for housekeeping items and ensure that it is adhered to. Point out to her that this overspending has now become a major issue in your marriage as far as you are concerned and that dealing with it now has become a non-negotiable issue. Being Mr. Nice hasn't worked. You don't have any other option, do you, except a long slow walk to the bankruptcy court and losing your home. As an aside, with £20,000 worth of credit card debt I'm surprised you're even thinking of going away on a holiday, let alone buying new clothes for it. If you're that worried about your debt, couldn't you too start thinking a little more responsibly about your financial priorities too and adopting a more Old Style /Make Do and Mend lifstyle until your finances have been sorted out?

Sarahlou_2

[quote=[Deleted User];22778749]She works 22 hours at the mo. Trouble is to increase her hours she'd have to wait until more became available. (shes a nurse).[/QUOTE]

Hi Paul

I also work 22 hours (9.45am-2.15pm, 5 days) and we have a 4 year old at school. Maybe people on here think this is "lazy" but the reason I work these hours are to spend time with my son and save on childcare.
Prior to August I was working 37 hours, saw my child around 2 hours per day and had to pay a childminder an extortionate (sp?) amount each week. We are £5 a week worse off now, but with cut backs it's working fine! :T

Anyway to cut a story short, if she upped her hours would you have to pay out for childcare and therefore be no better off? :rolleyes:

Money_maker

Careful peeps, there's two cases being responded to on this thread, not just the OP.

Sarahlou_2

Money_maker wrote: »

Careful peeps, there's two cases being responded to on this thread, not just the OP.

Argh confusing :rotfl:I was responding to OP

bank_of_slate

Hi, try also posting on the debt free wannabee forum.

I would complete a full statement of accounts and sit down with her to go through what comes in and out every month, include EVERYTHING!
www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html

Can you get rid of the cards and she could have a spending account with a set amount that is paid into it at the beginning of every month - debit card but NO overdraft?
This works for me, once the spending money is gone then it's gone..... and cut up the credit cards!
...Linda xx

Carlos_Miranda

Yes thats a good idea. Use debit card instead of credit card, so that she will also come to know that there is limited money with you and she might try to spend it judiciously.
If I go to shop clothes then I carry cash with me instead of using debit cards.On top of it she should understand her responsibility. Try convincing her about your financial problems, I think she should be matured enough to understand, but some things always tempt to us which we somehow need to control.

red_devil

[quote=[Deleted User];22751915]Yeah. I've tried the nice approach. trouble is she leaves ALL the money to me. I've tried telling her how skint we are but her answers in either:-

1. Everyones in debt.

I am not. She sounds irresponsible you cant keep having things if you cant afford them.

[Deleted User]

ailuro2 wrote: »

I did on page 1.;)- £20,000 is a LOAD of debt.

It's more than I bring home in a whole year of working.:eek:

Yeh. I know. Which is why we're trying to sort it out.

I appreciate if something happened we'd be screwed which is why I want to sort it out. Luckily at the moment, our joint income (me FT, her PT) is about £3200 net a month, with a few hundred spare to pay off CCs every month.

[Deleted User]

Sarahlou wrote: »

Hi Paul

I also work 22 hours (9.45am-2.15pm, 5 days) and we have a 4 year old at school. Maybe people on here think this is "lazy" but the reason I work these hours are to spend time with my son and save on childcare.
Prior to August I was working 37 hours, saw my child around 2 hours per day and had to pay a childminder an extortionate (sp?) amount each week. We are £5 a week worse off now, but with cut backs it's working fine! :T

Anyway to cut a story short, if she upped her hours would you have to pay out for childcare and therefore be no better off? :rolleyes:

OP here - LOL !!!

Yes. Thats the problem. Much more hours would mean increased childcare.

Also, we're trying to get a small business up and running at the mo. If this works out it might mean less hours at main job for wife. Starting a botox treatment business BTW.

Pollycat

[quote=[Deleted User];25084677]OP here - LOL !!!

Yes. Thats the problem. Much more hours would mean increased childcare.

Also, we're trying to get a small business up and running at the mo. If this works out it might mean less hours at main job for wife. Starting a botox treatment business BTW.[/QUOTE]

Hi Paul
your post seems to have been somewhat highjacked (albeit not maliciously).

So, how have things gone in the 3 months since you first posted?
You posted on 25th June that your wife seemed to accept that her spending was out of control - has she stopped spending so much?
Are you making inroads on your £20K debt?

Starting a new business can be risky, I assume that you've researched the market and are sure that the demand is there.