Wife and spending - doing me head in

MrsE_2

Woodyrocks wrote: »

I totally second this. No-one wants to treat that partner like a child but maybe what she needs is a set amount pocket money and all her cards taken away.

If, God forbid, there ever was a real emergency that required CC payment she could phone you for assistance.

What, like a bargain:o:o:o:o

PasturesNew

If you're paying all the bills and filling the car .... I think you'd be justified in giving her £0.

It's not like she's broke .... £550/month + £120/week when tutoring is more than a lot of single people have when they work full-time for a month - and then they've got to pay rent/mortgage, all the bills, keep the car on the road, everything.

It's not about money is it, it's about responsibility and respect.

BitterAndTwisted

Too flipping true, Pastures New! I'd be asking that lady to keep a spending diary to find out exactly where it's all going. Selfish and stupid and greedy is what I'm thinking

ailuro2

barnaby-bear wrote: »

Nobody seems to have said - that's a hell of a lot of debt,

I did on page 1.;)- £20,000 is a LOAD of debt.

It's more than I bring home in a whole year of working.:eek:

Any

jke wrote: »

I have found this thread v interesting. I am in a similar situation to Paul. However our income is about 4000. My OH gets 550 from her 2 afternoon a week job, all the family allowance . she also does some private tutoring which gets her qbout 120 a week in the season. She chose to stop work to look after our 2 children and on paper we should be ok.

I pay all of the bills, fill the car and I give her 600 a month. The problem is she regularly runs out of money and asks for more. There is no doubt that she works hard and I would like to think that she could run the household on the 600 + FA and have her own money to herself but she can't. It seems to be pure finanacial incompetence, a supermarket overspend and complete lack of responsibility or accountability. She doesn't seem to spend a huge amount on herself but can't account for it all. I put her on a tight budget but she got a credit card and ran up 5000 on it before she 'fessed up. I am still paying off her last card.

The question I had was " am I being resonable" but re-reading it I think I am. I care deeply about this woman but this financial irresponsibiliuty is causing big problems. I don't think she has ever budgeted or anything and when I met her was heading towards serious problems. She is aware of this and asked me to help. However she won't budget, keep reciepts or anything. Having been seriosly skiint at various points in my life, I do all these things am reluctant to take over as this would be v demeaning. This is v distressing for me. We could save a significant amount of money for holiday/treats/future but we don't. We have had the usual rows, assurances and new leaves but it never works. What is reasonable to give her? I think under the circumstances 600 is far too much and a bit of reluctant tough love may work but could damage our relationship. (nevertheless it's where I'm headed) Any thoughts or advice please?

Firstly, please tell us what is the £600 for.
JUST for groceries? How big are your children? Does she also give them pocket money, clothes etc?

If they are teenagers, isn't she just trying to make them happy by buying them expensive make up and designer clothes and stuff?

Basicaly - what am I asking is "can you see where the money had been spent?"

barnaby-bear

ailuro2 wrote: »

I did on page 1.;)- £20,000 is a LOAD of debt.

It's more than I bring home in a whole year of working.:eek:

Sorry:o
It's just there seems to be a hint of the - we can service the debt, it's ok, it's on 0%.... whereas to me it sounds like a complete car crash waiting to happen... an illness, short period of unemployment, change in credit conditions may mean no more 0% in 12 months - imagine it all on standard APRs.... and these are people with a fairly high income, low expenses..... the majority of their spending seems to be unnecessary spending... it can't be good for the kids either to be getting the impression it's ok to live in debt, overspending on tat..... just setting them up for a lifetime of doing the same and reducing their choices in life and probably quality..... what you often get when people 'rein' in spending is that they stop buying tat for themselves and transfer it to tat "for the kids".... this is a more general waffle than a direct comment on the OP - he seems a decent bloke who has genuine concerns and is trying to treat his wife with respect like an adult (even if she doesn't sound or behave like one)...

barnaby-bear

ailuro2 wrote: »

I did on page 1.;)- £20,000 is a LOAD of debt.

It's more than I bring home in a whole year of working.:eek:

Which sounds bad but it sounds even worse if you calculate your disposable income each year - if you had say £200 left over a month and paid NO INTEREST that's the best part of 10years to just get to square one - if no more overspending..... add in the interest..... Most people boggle at the idea of how long saving 20k would take but paying it back seems to worry them less....

barnaby-bear

Any wrote: »

Firstly, please tell us what is the £600 for.
JUST for groceries? How big are your children? Does she also give them pocket money, clothes etc?

If they are teenagers, isn't she just trying to make them happy by buying them expensive make up and designer clothes and stuff?

Basicaly - what am I asking is "can you see where the money had been spent?"

Enormous - 15stone I'd guess if they are eating £600 of food..... (I don't think it's possible to eat £600 of celery and I wouldn't like to try) :rotfl:

Any

barnaby-bear wrote: »

Enormous - 15stone I'd guess if they are eating £600 of food..... (I don't think it's possible to eat £600 of celery and I wouldn't like to try) :rotfl:

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Sorry, I meant how old are they...

barnaby-bear

Money_maker wrote: »

He said she gets the groceries although £600 month should be more than ample + her wages (which I make to be over £1100 month!).

The bit about running up secret debts on a credit card worries me. Why are you repaying it? She will never learn how to spend sensibly if she is foolishly bailed out all the time.

Try the diary that Errata suggests and you may get some answers.

I think the "is this adult behaviour" test to apply is what would you do if it was an employee and is it reasonable to expect an adult to be able to do basic budgetting - if you gave your secretary a biscuit+coffee budget and she overspent on cake repeatedly... you'd think she was bad at her job (this is a task the lowest admin staff do get set - not a hard one either).... what if she secretly took money from petty cash to cover the shortfall then fessed up.... even the simplest of illiterate housewives n the past have managed to run a house on the money they had... because there was no option of credit.... it's not unable to budget it's deep down know - no real consequences and easier options and the fact tha really these women don't *haave* to budget.... probably because *they are worth it*.....