Wife and spending - doing me head in

missindecisive

blimey. ive been resisting to go to Asda for about a week now,ive spotted a pair of sandals for £10. The only shoes I have with decent soles are a pair of trainers, my summer shoes have holes in the bottom. im wearing a t shirt today which is really scruffy and about 5 years old. I kind of feel silly, selfish even for even wanting new stuff, my dh never buys himself hardly anything so that makes me feel worse. eventually il get some stuff for my birthday probably, later in the year. I would'nt dream of going out and spending that kind of money on a regular basis tbh. BUT, as a woman, you do notice what everyone else is wearing...other people always seem to be so well dressed, even just to pick up the kids from school. I wonder if perhaps, your wife is lacking in confidence? hence the spending sprees.

lilac_lady

My DIL always looks really nicely dressed but she doesn't spend a lot on clothes. She buys everything in sales and won't pay the full price for anything even if she really likes it. She won't buy second hand clothes so no charity shopping for her. She looks on it as a challenge to spend so little and look so good. Maybe your wife could give herself a similar challenge so that it becomes easier for her to spend less.

Woodyrocks

pinkshoes wrote: »

I would go for giving her a weekly cash amount for shopping, so that way she can't over spend, and she'll be forced to look at all the prices and add them up as she goes along, so that she can't overspend.

I totally second this. No-one wants to treat that partner like a child but maybe what she needs is a set amount pocket money and all her cards taken away.

If, God forbid, there ever was a real emergency that required CC payment she could phone you for assistance.

She also needs to focus on dealing with her craving for instant gratification, I know someone like that and once she dealt with one issue she would just substitute it for another (she has moved on to eating now after her shopping bout). What you want to be doing is helping your wife NOT enabling her, which I am afraid to say you are currently doing.

[Deleted User]

Caroline73 wrote: »

This is your bargaining tool!!!

I'm pleased your chat went well and it sounds like a great start. Once you have paid off your debt maybe she could up work? That would be great incentive for many people :rotfl:

She works 22 hours at the mo. Trouble is to increase her hours she'd have to wait until more became available. (shes a nurse).

jke

I have found this thread v interesting. I am in a similar situation to Paul. However our income is about 4000. My OH gets 550 from her 2 afternoon a week job, all the family allowance . she also does some private tutoring which gets her qbout 120 a week in the season. She chose to stop work to look after our 2 children and on paper we should be ok.

I pay all of the bills, fill the car and I give her 600 a month. The problem is she regularly runs out of money and asks for more. There is no doubt that she works hard and I would like to think that she could run the household on the 600 + FA and have her own money to herself but she can't. It seems to be pure finanacial incompetence, a supermarket overspend and complete lack of responsibility or accountability. She doesn't seem to spend a huge amount on herself but can't account for it all. I put her on a tight budget but she got a credit card and ran up 5000 on it before she 'fessed up. I am still paying off her last card.

The question I had was " am I being resonable" but re-reading it I think I am. I care deeply about this woman but this financial irresponsibiliuty is causing big problems. I don't think she has ever budgeted or anything and when I met her was heading towards serious problems. She is aware of this and asked me to help. However she won't budget, keep reciepts or anything. Having been seriosly skiint at various points in my life, I do all these things am reluctant to take over as this would be v demeaning. This is v distressing for me. We could save a significant amount of money for holiday/treats/future but we don't. We have had the usual rows, assurances and new leaves but it never works. What is reasonable to give her? I think under the circumstances 600 is far too much and a bit of reluctant tough love may work but could damage our relationship. (nevertheless it's where I'm headed) Any thoughts or advice please?

barnaby-bear

[quote=[Deleted User];discussion/1774023]I've always done the financial stuff in our house. At the moment, although we're not dead skint, we do have credit card debts of over £20K.[/QUOTE]

Nobody seems to have said - that's a hell of a lot of debt, if you lost your job/got ill that's the kind of debt level to service that loses your house and plunges you into credit black list for years. Your wife's bought shoes rahter than family security. It's worse than it sound too because that constant overspend means to get back to a safe position you need a constant underspend for a long while. Head out of sand time.

Errata

Tough love ? You're not her parent, you're her partner. If you and she agree that she does a cash in / cash out record every day, which you both look at every night, both of you will see where the money is leaking to and both of you can discuss and negotiate how to plug the leaks. Both of you. Together.

BitterAndTwisted

jke wrote: »

I pay all of the bills, fill the car and I give her 600 a month.

What is this £600 a month for? Does it include the grocery shopping if you pay all the bills?

Money_maker

He said she gets the groceries although £600 month should be more than ample + her wages (which I make to be over £1100 month!).

The bit about running up secret debts on a credit card worries me. Why are you repaying it? She will never learn how to spend sensibly if she is foolishly bailed out all the time.

Try the diary that Errata suggests and you may get some answers.

MrsE_2

robbiecaratiger wrote: »

You sure we're not married to the same woman !!!

I know exactly where you're coming from.

I thought it was my husband posting:o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o

Are you him:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

He says he can't say no to me & wants to make me happy, but I need to stop spending:o:o:o