Childminder hit my child

mishkanorman

dieselhead wrote: »

Anyone of us is qualified to be a parent, there is no training!

no exactly no training given or in some cases needed, however all a few of us here are trying to say is your viewpoint as a parent is very often different to a non-parent. On matters of children. The inference of being told that the opinion is less or unimportant is actually the odd poster who has a chip on their shoulder and is taking offence and twisting what is being said.


We are what we are and we react accordingly, my opinion is bourne of my life experiences - the most major of which has been motherhood.


and yet it is being suggested that as they do not have the experience of children of their own they should not comment on issues around children.


I would be interested in seeing the post that states "only give your opinion if you have had children"


mishka

Chas

poet123 wrote: »

I agree they learn to understand the behaviour from a particular perspective, that of a teacher, not that of another parent. That is a very different perspective. Not worse, just different.

To continue with your analogy, would you expect a parent to be able to go into school and teach with the same level of experience as a trained teacher? I wouldnt think so. So why expect a trained teacher with no personal knowledge of being a parent to be qualified to do the same thing in reverse?

How right you are!

I work with a teacher who doesn't have children and she often says to me 'how do you think a parent would see this?'

Likewise, she often says to me 'yes, but you're looking at it as a Mummy, I'm looking at it as a Teacher'.

BallandChain

Dave101t wrote: »

all i know is if i had a kid misbehaving, i would teach it to behave.

lol. :rotfl:In an ideal world children would behave and sometimes with the best will in the world they will still misbehave.

poet123

dieselhead wrote: »

Anyone of us is qualified to be a parent, there is no training!

As you were aware, my point related to the commenting on actual experiences of parenting.

Btw, I am also both a parent and a teacher(Lecturer) and use totally different skills, bring different experiences to bear, and have a different knowledge base at work, to the ones I use at home.

It is two sides of the same coin, but it is two sides.

So, by your reasoning because I am a woman I am qualified to comment on being a Lesbian, and have those comments accorded as much weight as someone who is Lesbian? even though I have as no direct experience?

I could use a lot of other examples here too, but I have a feeling that you are being deliberately obtuse, and want to see the comments as some kind of slur on the child(less)(free) rather than the common sense it actually is

dieselhead

mishkanorman wrote: »

no exactly no training given or in some cases needed, however all a few of us here are trying to say is your viewpoint as a parent is very often different to a non-parent. On matters of children. The inference of being told that the opinion is less or unimportant is actually the odd poster who has a chip on their shoulder and is taking offence and twisting what is being said.


We are what we are and we react accordingly, my opinion is bourne of my life experiences - the most major of which has been motherhood.


and yet it is being suggested that as they do not have the experience of children of their own they should not comment on issues around children.


I would be interested in seeing the post that states "only give your opinion if you have had children"


mishka

Everyone parents and non parents will have differing views on the raising of children. I don't believe that anyone's opinion is any more or less valid.

I think there have been some extrodinarily patronising posts on this thread, and although I agree no-one has directly said that those without children should not post personally I feel that it has been made clear that some people would not view opinions by non parents as valid as parents.

Happily I will give my opinion on anything, qualified too or not! :rotfl:

dieselhead

poet123 wrote: »

As you were aware, my point related to the commenting on actual experiences of parenting.

Btw, I am also both a parent and a teacher(Lecturer) and use totally different skills, bring different experiences to bear, and have a different knowledge base at work, to the ones I use at home.

It is two sides of the same coin, but it is two sides.

So, by your reasoning because I am a woman I am qualified to comment on being a Lesbian, and have those comments accorded as much weight as someone who is Lesbian? even though I have as no direct experience?

I could use a lot of other examples here too, but I have a feeling that you are being deliberately obtuse, and want to see the comments as some kind of slur on the child(less)(free) rather than the common sense it actually is

Personally I think that we are all entitled to an opinion on anything we choose. I quite often discuss politics, finance, and cars in detail with my friends, who have a wide range of degrees, experience, and opinions, but I have no qualifications in any of these things, I don't think my opinion is any less valid.

However if you believe I am being deliberately obtuse then it is time for me to bow out of the debate. I don't normally intentionally jump into these debates on MSE as emotions often run high, however I felt that some earlier posters were getting a hard time making what I felt was a valid point! :beer:

poet123

I agree we are all entitled to an opinon, but the point being made is that it will come from a different perpective if we have no first hand knowledge. No emotion running high, just good debate.

easilydistracted

Hi Noodlehead

I saw your dilema earlier and have been having a look through the post to see how it turned out, but there seems to be a lot of debate going on instead! Like some of the other posters the fact that the childminder was not supervising your boy closely enough for him to go missing, then smacked him and didn't tell you would make me worried, particularly as it sounds like this happened before and was covered up. For the record I'm a social worker and whilst personally I don't think smacking achieves much, a parent mildy smacking their child on their bum wouldn't be considered abuse. If on the another hand I smacked a child at work I would expect to be disciplined and at the very least admonished or suspended by my regulatory body and most likely lose my job. I used to work in childcare and would expect to be disciplined similarly if this happened when I was working in a nursery. If I were in the same situation then I would have to involve OFSTED- this might not result in the childminder being de-registered but would be an issue of concern. You have the benefit of knowing what has occured and choosing how to address your concerns about the childminder- the other parents that use the childminder now or in the future need to be aware that this has occured so that they can make an informed choice about whether they would use the carer.

I hope you've managed to find a solution.

consultant31

foi1983 wrote: »

:T:T:T:T

Tell it as it is Caroline73!!!!

The reason why he didnt do it again was because your punch/slap (whatever you want to call it - it's all the same) probably scarred him for life. You probably scared the absolutely cr*p out of him.

QUOTE]

Rather OTT here, don't you think........a punch the same as a slap, scarred for life.........I think not!!

There are times when a slap on the bottom (of one's own child, not someone elses) is a quick, painless answer to a difficult or dangerous situation that has arisen. I think screaming at or threatening a child is far more harmful, long term.

However, a punch is a vastly different thing, which will almost certainly leave severe bruising if not broken bones.

I do think your arguement is totally lost when such sweeping statements are made!

carolinosourus

I read your post, OP and the ones on the first page but don't really have the time to read through all of them! So doubtless I'm just repeating what others have said but in regards to disciplining a child, it's very difficult to explain and make them understand when you are trying to punish them hours after the event took place. I do believe that the childminder just wanted to emphasise to your son that he did a very bad thing just then and that he should, under no circumstances, ever do that again. If she had not smacked him and you had explained well after the fact that he was naughty then I doubt that he would have understood exactly what he was being told off for.

Also, I'm not sure why you didn't tell the childminder not to smack him any more, coming from your son I'm not sure that this would have the desired effect!

When I was little we were smacked by my parents if we had done something very naughty or dangerous, we were also looked-after by a family friend who treated us as her own and would smack us if we were every very naughty, but she would tell my mother when she picked us up and explain the situation. I don't think it's right that she has been hitting your child and not telling you about it or explaining the situation at all, even if she didn't tell you in front of your child, she should still tell you.

I'm not against smacking, I think that a short sharp shock is often effective at deterring bad behaviour, or instilling the message that the child had done something very dangerous.

However, I also agree with a post that I saw about the fact that the childminder was paying so little attention to him that he was able to wander off out of the shop, but you said that he often goes off and hides under shopping rails, so she may have just assumed that's what he was doing. I don't condone her behaviour in anny respect though, she should have been aware of where your child was in any case.