Could he find me?

Izzy.

Taye wrote: »

I just don't think i want to sit and discuss all my history with a stranger, don't get me wrong im sure they have heard worse, but it's personal to me and i really can't face discussing it over and over with a bunch of strangers.

But youre doing that here. You posted post after post about your personnel life on here giving every detail and discusing it over and over with a bunch of strangers. Starting posts on here isnt helping you specially if youre changing youre story in every post cos you wont get the right answers and the help you need.

Taye its time to talk about it to people who can acctually help you get youre life back on track for the sake of your boys if nothihng else. You owe it to them to get proper help to sort out this mess and give them a good life like you want to.

BallandChain

If I was in fear of an ex I'd go to Refuge and not jump straight into another relationship. Some things do not ring true. If you are in fear of your ex why would you give a key to your sister-in-law? Why even continue to have a 'relationship' with her when she is just acting as a spy? The sister-in-law knows the schools the children go to no doubt and the OP's place of work so if the ex wanted to he could find her easily.

Seven years is a long time to not even seek counselling or help from Refuge and I'm baffled on why the OP hasn't sought legal advice to get the house in her name and divorced. Am I the only one to think this is all weird, or am I missing something?

NAR

BallandChain wrote: »

Some things do not ring true. If you are in fear of your ex why would you give a key to your sister-in-law?

She didn't, her ex gave it to his sister.

Am I the only one to think this is all weird, or am I missing something?

Not weird if you had been through all OP has with her ex.

BallandChain

I don't get why the locks weren't changed and legal advice sought years ago. As I understand it he has been gone 7 years.

tigtag02

RAS wrote: »

Because Taye is being abused by the whole family in one way or another.

And because legally she cannot change the locks unless she lets OH have a key, and he can give one to SIL if he wants to. Nothing she can do to prevent it.

She can legally change the locks without giving him a key ~ she just needs to be aware that he also has a legal right of entry and can show up with a locksmith to change them again (although I would imagine a locksmith would want proof its his property and I doubt he would have that)

Taye

BallandChain wrote: »

I don't get why the locks weren't changed and legal advice sought years ago. As I understand it he has been gone 7 years.

Silly me i didn't realise it was as easy as just changing the locks and seeking legal advice.

don't i feel like an idiot now.

Taye

Izzy. wrote: »

But youre doing that here. You posted post after post about your personnel life on here giving every detail and discusing it over and over with a bunch of strangers. Starting posts on here isnt helping you specially if youre changing youre story in every post cos you wont get the right answers and the help you need.

Taye its time to talk about it to people who can acctually help you get youre life back on track for the sake of your boys if nothihng else. You owe it to them to get proper help to sort out this mess and give them a good life like you want to.

Its taken 6 months to tell you even though i could dissapear tommorrow and none of you would know where to look for the real person, telling someone face to face someone who know's your real name, address and who your kids are is quite quite different.

It doens't matter im quickly realising that im screwwed either way, he's going to find me no-matter what i do ..

happyathome_2

Taye, Getting back to the title of your post "Could he find me"?

Well, the answer to that is without a doubt yes.

I can see that 7 years ago you were probably happy to be rid of him out of the house and didn't have the strength or courage to follow it through and get him out of your life officially.

7 years on and you sound so ready to make that move. You have made a new start with a decent chap, early days I know, and it's time for you to draw a line under the "Mr Wrong" of your past.
Only you can start to ball rolling to continue with your future.

Come on Taye, make today the day to "kick !!!", You go and get the legal wheels in motion. From other people's posts that have had similar experiences they've given you bucket loads of good practical advice.
It's time for you to make the move for you to be truly happy.

bunty109

Taye, you ca get half an hour with a solicitor for free. Why don't you go along to see one to get an idea of what everything might cost? You don't have to go into loads of details: tell the solicitor that the marriage was abusive but that you don't want to keep going over the details. You want a divorce and to sort the house and that's what a solicitor can do.

I'm not knowledgeable about restraining orders or anything, but I wonder if in your case it would be something you could consider if your ex does track you down? Again, a solicitor would be good for this.

I do understand why you want to avoid going to refuge. However, I'm sure there are phone numbers you could call for anonymous advice on practicalities if you need it....bit like being here really!!

Good luck xxx

PS I obviously don't know your ex but he sounds like a spineless wotsit if he lets his sister help taunt you. I do wonder if he's the sort who would avoid Dave like the plague as he can't pick on anyone his own size? I hope so.

*Maya*

Taye wrote: »

It doens't matter im quickly realising that im screwwed either way, he's going to find me no-matter what i do ..

Oh for Gawds sake! Stop posting defeated posts like that and take some action. I would be the first to sympathise if I believed you but like BallandChain says your posts don't ring true.
If you believe you are in *real* danger you can protect yourself by taking an injunction out against your ex if you think there is a chance he is going to harm you or your children. If you are genuinely concerned about him harming the children you will do this now. End of. If you are for real get help using a solicitor as posters have said. The solicitor can explain how to go about protecting you and your children legally. If you are trully afraid you will take this route ie if your situation is *real* you can stop him from seeing you and having contact with the children.
Sorry if my post seems hard but your posts don't ring true. First you're divorced then you're not. You have no contact for seven years then he stays over sometimes. I see that even though you say you left your home you were out in your garden this morning pollenating your flowers. :rolleyes: I don't get it.