Could he find me?

littlemissmoney

If he really won't sign anything then your only option is to rent it out or leave it empty and continue to pay the mortgage.

P.S. Things with Dave must be going very well!! :D:rotfl:

Taye

It's a kinda complicated situation, although he's not in the picture per say i get enough info from his sister to know what going on with him in regards to me, via snid comments and the fact that she check's on me and seems quite satisfied when my life is pretty much crap. I know she reports to him she doens't hide that but she oddly can't find him when CSA or any of the people he owes money ask.

Things have been said of late, by my sister in law to lead me to belive that if continue my current relationship things are going to get nasty for me very quickly, she took great enjoyment in telling me she was going to let her brother know what a !!!!! i was.

Leaving me a choice get rid of him compleatly or go back to living waiting for my ex to decide what he is going to allow my future to hold.

I want out... i've had enough.

egon

The following I got from direct. gov:

Reasons for a divorce

The court will only grant you a divorce if a judge agrees that your marriage is at an end. The legal term for this is 'irretrievably broken down'.
You must satisfy the court that one or more of the following is true as proof that your marriage is over:

• adultery by your husband or wife
• unreasonable behaviour by your husband or wife
• desertion for a period of at least two years
• two years' separation, if you both agree to the divorce
• five years' separation, if there is no agreement to the divorce

As you have been seperated for 7 years, you don't need his agreement.
Get legal advice regards the house and children asap. Speak to Social Services and any other support group you can. The more info you have the better position you will be to fight your ex. Don't let anything slip to s-i-l.

As hard as it is, ignore the sister and just concentrate your efforts to sort this out. Give her the cold shoulder!

Good luck with your future!

littlemissmoney

Also, I've just done some googling and it looks like you can apply to a court for an "order for sale" and sell the house without your ex's permission!

http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/families_and_relationships/relationship_breakdown/options_for_homeowners/preventing_a_sale

barnaby-bear

Taye wrote: »

It's a kinda complicated situation, although he's not in the picture per say i get enough info from his sister to know what going on with him in regards to me, via snid comments and the fact that she check's on me and seems quite satisfied when my life is pretty much crap. I know she reports to him she doens't hide that but she oddly can't find him when CSA or any of the people he owes money ask.

Things have been said of late, by my sister in law to lead me to belive that if continue my current relationship things are going to get nasty for me very quickly, she took great enjoyment in telling me she was going to let her brother know what a !!!!! i was.

Leaving me a choice get rid of him compleatly or go back to living waiting for my ex to decide what he is going to allow my future to hold.

I want out... i've had enough.

You are already out of it. He doesn't have any power - you've got a new relationship with someone with the financial ability to get sure you get good advice (in his interest) and court orders/professionals can sort it all out. You just need good advice as to the best processes and to make sure the split reflects the financial situation - you can take him to court for his share of the joint debts.

kazwookie

I would 'feed' the SIL., misinformation when she calls by!!!

I hoep it sorts itself out for you.

littlemissmoney

kazwookie wrote: »

I would 'feed' the SIL., misinformation when she calls by!!!

Can't you ignore SIL? When does she talk to you?

myrnahaz

Some men are such rats. I thought the CSA tracks errant fathers through their NI number? how come they can't find him?

Taye, I wouldn't bother getting involved with your SIL again - she's no better than her scumbag brother if she can sit back and allow him to hide from his kids (I'd rat on him in a second if he were my brother). You certainly need to see a solicitor; you can declare someone dead after they've been missing for 7 years so surely something similar exists for spouses to delete their OH's from their lives - you can't be expected to exist like this for ever, surely. As well as deducting your 7-years-worth of mortgage payments, you might even be able to deduct all the maintenance he owes before paying him 'his share' of the sale of the house. And deduct the solicitors fees as well.

Taye

myrnahaz wrote: »

Some men are such rats. I thought the CSA tracks errant fathers through their NI number? how come they can't find him?

Taye, I wouldn't bother getting involved with your SIL again - she's no better than her scumbag brother if she can sit back and allow him to hide from his kids (I'd rat on him in a second if he were my brother). You certainly need to see a solicitor; you can declare someone dead after they've been missing for 7 years so surely something similar exists for spouses to delete their OH's from their lives - you can't be expected to exist like this for ever, surely. As well as deducting your 7-years-worth of mortgage payments, you might even be able to deduct all the maintenance he owes before paying him 'his share' of the sale of the house. And deduct the solicitors fees as well.

tbh i don't want of care about the money, really all i care about now is his ability to find me.

The house is in neg equity and we are in alot of joint debt so the chances of him coming out of the woodwork to take on his share legally are less than none. I have tried the CSA route but he's not in the loop i belive he's working cash in hand type jobs to avoid the radar.

I have limited contact with him, in that occasionally he sends a letter via his sister, or a text via a anonomus texted web service just to let me know who i belong too. I am scared though he might not appear legally he might appear physically to re-claim what he belives is his and right now i'm only concerned that he'll find me or my kids hurt us to make me pay for trying to move on.

Im not sure just "how" important i am to him right now... i'd like to think he has better things to be occupid with. I do know he's a dangerous man with a horrible temper and i honestly wouldn't put anything past him, he just doens't think like normal people.

My new boyfriend wants me to move the kids schools, quit work basically disappear with him. Although an appealing option i've not really been in my current relationship for long, i don't want to become dependent on him or take advantage of him in case things don't work out i certainly can't have him paying solicitor fee's im already uncomfortable with the speed in which things are moving.

Right now i need to be more objective about the current relationship, i want it to work for the right reasons not because im beholden to him and feel guilty for his kindness.

myrnahaz

Unfortunately, unless you can prove that your ex is a danger to the children, then you won't have much luck in stopping him get access to them (and, therefore, you) via the courts.

If the house etc are in joint names then you're only liable for half the debt - whether he accepts this or not is of no consequence, but do you really want to spend the rest of your life hiding from this control freak? Maybe it's time to face up to him - and if your ex is that scary, maybe you need to speak to the police.