Am I too controlling over money?

InaPickle

Hi Juliff :wave:

I'm glad to see that things are (mainly) going well for you and your DDs. Alas, things don't seem to have improved with your X's attitude, but there will come a point in the not-too-distant future when your DDs start realising about the choices you make as an adult and the consequences they have, and I can't help but feel that they will start to resent your X for his fickleness. If you are all lucky, he may buck his ideas up before then, but only time will tell.

Hope things keep getting better for you and the girls. Come back and tell us how they go as we are still interested, and are likely to be for a long time to come.

vandanfc

Hi J

Good to hear from you. No surprise about the X's behaviour - as you know full well this is his methodology, so don't let him get to - you really should pity him if anything for being a hollow empty shell, who only cares about himself !!

Hope the birthday celebrations go well and take good care of yourselves.

Hugs Vanda

GSXRCarlos

i want cake!!!

julliff

Hi all,

Sorry I haven't been around much - the cake is a distant memory now.

DD1s birthday went alright, OH did behave true to form, but it did not detract in any way.

He had arranged to take DDs into town on the day before DD1s birthday, but at the last minute,he said he had some stuff to do, so it had to be changed to the afternoon of DD1s birthday. I dropped them off in town.

Later, they came back and I asked OH if he was coming in (for cake), and he muttered something about his taxi waiting. I think he wanted DD1 (or me) to beg him. Anyway, she hugged him and said "see you soon" to which he replied "but WILL you?". Like I say true to form.

He also looked very ropey, his face was very pink, and he looked, for want of a better expression, bedraggled.

We have had a bit of a time with our cat, and he has been at the Vets, in a really bad way. They sent him home last Friday,as he is not strong enough for the next set of tests. (He is going back on Thursday). DD2 asked if OH could come round to see the cat, and get a form that he needs to complete, as he wants to take her to Belgium in term time.

She said "what about Weds at 4pm?" I told her I would not be back from work, and to make it 4.30. then DD1 laid into me (verbally!) "Don'tyou rtust him?" do you think he is going to steal something?"

I stood my ground, and said "I didn't say that" and left it there. How do I epxplain that I just dont feel comfortablewith it?

She was being really stroppy, so I went across the road to my friend for a cup of tea. When I got back, she was back to normal.

You have all been so intuitive, and now that I don't crumble at the first sign of brow beating, these things pass quickly. Thank you all so,so much.

Emmzi

We are all very proud of you
xxx

Primrose

julliff - all of us who have watched you from afar in this journey are amazed at the resillience and strength you[ve developed. You have not only had to grapple with your own emotions but guide your two vulnerable girls through the maze too. You were right to stand your ground about your ex not coming into the house in your absence. He has to understand the new rules. The house is your territory now and from the sound of him and his appearance, it doesn't seem that he's exerting much personal self discipline on the way he's approaching his new life. It would be sensible to keep the distance between you. That way there will be no blurring of the lines and the possibility of causing misunderstandings. Your ex does sound as if he might have been drinking. If he is, are you sure you want to risk your daughter going off abroad with him? Do you feel he's really responsible enough to take care of her if he's been drinking and they end up being stranded somewhere in an extended situation of the volcanic ash crisis? As he always seems to have relied on you in the past to take all the major initiatives, at the moment he doesn't sound as if he's capable of looking after himself properly, let alone a minor in difficult circumstances where personal initiative is required.

vandanfc

Well done J, keep it up. Sorry about the cat.

Brighton_belle

Juliffe - you are doing so well, and it is great to see you are now seeing such quick benefits by standing firm. And that you are also able to draw firm boundaries concerning their father with the girls without getting sucked in to running him down or into loads of justifying and explaining:T:T

InaPickle

Nice to see how things are panning out, Juliff. Well done!

P.S. Sorry about your sick cat.

msb5262

Hi again Juliff.

"How do I explain that I just dont feel comfortable with it?"
I think you just say that, if necessary say, "I'm sorry, I can't really explain but that's how I feel and it's not something I'm willing to negotiate on,".
Be honest and don't give way - this is important to you.
Sorry to hear about your cat.
MsB x