Am I too controlling over money?

Dinah93

Have you considered going to Relate? You don't have to be a couple to go, but it might help you understand your relationship patterns and work out how to move forward. Or a private person to speak to might be an option to consider.

ema_o

Hi Juliff

One thing that I've noticed is that when I leave one partner I tend to go for someone totally opposite, so I was with one ex who was great fun but didn't have much time for me, we got on well but we both lived our own lives. I split with him and went for someone the total opposite, he was very available but never seemed to do anything on his own, was very clingy and too emotionally dependant.

The second chap was definitely worse for me than the first, but it took a long time for me to realise that. It was only once I realised how much I enjoyed being away from him (couple of girly holidays) that I realised how much he was cramping my style (and being quite controlling although nothing like your previous partners).

I spent a couple of years single until I met my now OH. To look at us we are not the perfect couple, we argue, spend quite a few evenings apart (both going out doing our own thing) but for me this really works. The fact that we argue is usually me standing up for myself, or both of us having different opinions but if it was easy I would walk all over him and get bored. We are always friends again half an hour later.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you are not a toxic person, you have made some bad choices in the past but many of us do as we don't know what is right for us. It would probably be worth going for some councelling (or relate) if you do feel this way as it will help you move forward, but please don't feel like this is it!!

Oh, and teenagers are meant to be hard to deal with!! You know that from seeing how your daughers behaviour varies that she does love you very much, she is just at a very awkward time in life and being a pain to you means that she doesn't fear you rejecting her.

Much love and thank you for being such an inspiration with this thread.
Em xx

January20

julliff wrote: »

hello all,



So, my conclusion is that I am an enabler. When I am alone I am fine - independent etc. When I am with someone I lose all sense of self. This is probably why I find DD1's teenage behaviour so difficult, I suppose I am afraid of rejection by someone I love.

My Dad was also a bully.

I should probably stay on my own, as I may be the toxic party here. Sigh!

I think you're my twin sister and we were separated at birth

There are worse things that being on your own. And we both know it. And being on your own doesn't mean being alone either!

Lara44

Hi Julliff

I read your diary before and think you have done so well :T. Recognising that there may be an issue around the way you maintain relationships is an important thing - BUT - this doesn't mean you are a toxic person! You have so many good qualities that nourish people, as your posts about your daughter have shown many times. You can always learn to 'do' relationships differently, and to improve ways of relating to others - friends, family and significant others. Dinah is right it definitely makes sense to explore these feelings with someone else. It would be so good if you could see a counsellor to help you reflect on the relationships you've had. If you're losing yourself in relationships and are worried about what your daughter thinks, perhaps it is simply a matter of building confidence