Am I too controlling over money?

GSXRCarlos

beasy,

put the kettle on, you'll be here for a while ;o)

Dinah93

Best of luck Beasygirl, a lot of people have been in really negative relationships, and sometimes it takes an outside view to face it and see how different things ought to be. Best of luck to you x

windowwindow

How are you getting on Juliff?

Arthurian

Crumbs - I started reading this thread hours ago and like a good book, 'couldn't put it down'! It's now half-past midnight. Juliff, you are inspirational. Make yourself some money and get together with Martin to publish this as a book! :T

Primrose

julliff - I thought of you the other day - you haven't posted for a while but hopefully we can all take this as a good sign that things are calming down for you and you're gradually feeling able to get on with your life, being more in control of it.
Hope you and the girls are having a Happy Easter and managing to have a relaxed break together. I'm sure some irritating things about your X will still continue to creep out of the woodwork but you've now got your home to yourselves, hopefully are getting control of your finances and beginning to feel that the sun is starting to shine at the other end of the tunnel. Well done!

julliff

hi all

thanks to you all for taking the time to post. I have been up to my eyes in work, have hardly had any free time at all.

Primrose, you are absolutely spot on, I am getting on with my life, and yes, there are still times when things are challenging.

This week is DD1s birthday. Some time ago, she asked me if she and 5 of her friends could go to Pizza Hut, two days before her birthday, so I said yes. She also wanted my family round (this is traditional) on her actual birthday, for cake around tea time.

Then about a week ago, it dawned on me that she wasn't really doing anything in the day for her birthday, so I asked her if she had any plans. when she said no, I suggested she may like to go swimming with her cousins who are coming up from Devon. She really liked this idea.

Nextt day, X rang up and spoke to her. After the call, she said "Dad is in a really bad mood with me, because I did not tell him my plans for my birthday". I said that we had only made them the day before, becuase she had no other plans, and she could change them if she wanted to. I also told her that she could invite him round on the day, for cake along with the rest of her family.

In the end she did invite him for cake,and has arranged to see him the day before hr birthday.

What annoys me, is that he is still doing that meking everyone feel guilty (birthdays especially), but he did not go out of his way to organise something himself. He knows all year when her birthday is!

Not looking forward to seeing him on her birthday, but I suppose I haveto be a grown up about it - it is not about me or him, it is about DD1!

BUT, on the whole,things are good. Girls are settled, and things are pretty peaceful.

I did have an email from my solicitor, saying that sometimes, respondents who elect not to have a solicitor are required to attend court, to make sure they understand what they are agreeing to in terms of settlement. I hope thatdoesn't mean he is going to try to get more out of me. He has had 50% and is not contributing anything to the upleep of his children, so I don't want him to come after me for any more!



Also, DD2 said "I will have to smooth things over, otherwise Dad will be in a really bad mood". I told her it was nothing to do with her, and it was not her job to try to fix things all the time. I tried that or years, and it doen't work. IT did make ne sad to hear her say it though.

msb5262

Hello again Juliff,
Very glad to hear from you again.
This week it's my DS1's birthday - 16 already! - and I'll be feeling a bit sad as I always do, thinking of what we wanted for him when he was born (ie. not divorced parents).
However, I'll also try to remind myself how we ended up here and will bear in mind that the alternative would be unthinkable.
Hope you can do the same thing and just feel happy and proud of your DDs - they sound great.
Happy Easter and keep on keeping on.
MsB x

julliff

Hi msb5262,

Thanks for the reply.

I know what you mean about being sad about how you never imagined that things would turn out that way. I just hope that I succeeded in hiding the reality from my kids when they were younger. It just got to the point where I could not do it anymore.

Is your X going to come to your house for DS1s birthday? If so,how do you feel about it?

Take care

lvader

Hi Juliff,

I havn't managed to read the whole thread (it's massive) but it sounds like you have come a long way and a relatively short period of time! By the sound of it you are a lot better off without him. I admire your strenghth, you are a great role model for your girls.

Do you think there is any danger that he will be after maintenance money from you? If he isn't working and you are, he might be entitled to it. Sorry to leave you with that horrific thought, dirvorce is rarely fair, especially for the bread winner.

msb5262

Hello again Juliff,
No, ex won't be coming to the house for DS1's birthday. Ex has just had all three kids for the last 10 days; they've been away for a week with new wife and baby, plus grandparents.
I suppose I feel relieved that he won't be coming to the house as the children's birthdays normally make me cry, especially DS1's, so I won't be doing that in front of him.
Take care
MsB x