Am I too controlling over money?

Money_maker

You're right to stand your ground. Its not like he's one of your girls mates coming round. He has no right to ever set foot in your house again and I wouldn't trust him in any case whether you be there or not.

Difficult times but it really is getting better - just re-read your thread for clarification on how far you have come. Others will be inspired by you and your hiccups along the way will help them to resolve similar problems.

InaPickle

Well done! It sounds like you have been fair, although X doesn't seem to want to see that as it is easier to be the wronged party. Best of luck keeping going in setting the boundaries! :T

BitterAndTwisted

Juliff please, please be firm with your ex. Please leave him in absolutely no doubt whatsoever that he is not to enter your home unless you are there and you have already invited him. Which you may never do. Jut because he is in the company of your daughters does not mean that he can accompany them into your home. I think the same message needs to be given to your girls as well. You having been to his flat I believe has only served to confuse the boundaries so it might be wise to avoid that altogether until he gets the message loud and clear. I firmly believe that this may become the thin end of the wedge and I sincerely hope that you have indeed changed the locks. Changing the barrels is a five-minute job: the whole locks do not need to be replaced so you don't need a locksmith, just a screwdriver.

GSXRCarlos

Julliff, have you changed the locks?

if not, what type of door/locks have you got?

vandanfc

Hi J

Sorry x is being a plonker again. Keep strong, and do indeed stick to your boundaries, it is no longer his home, so he no longer has free access, end of.

msb5262

Hello Juliff,
Just catching up with what you've been up to over the last few days.
Hope you are ok and that the rest of the half term has gone smoothly - it sounded a bit as if your ex is throwing his toys out of the pram, so stay strong and don't hesitate to post here even if you aren't feeling good.
I must say it seems like a poor idea to even consider asking your ex over for Sunday lunch EVER - will just confuse him and the girls as to how things are going to be.
My ex (now divorced 5 years, he's remarried with a new baby) comes into the house occasionally at the children's invitation when he's picking them up if they want him to see their new bedroom furniture, for example, but apart from that he doesn't come into the house. It's mine and I don't choose to socialise with him as it would be too stressful by miles...and that's after all this time.
If you can both keep your own space, if makes life much easier both for you and for the children.
I do hope you're getting on ok but please let us know if you need help or encouragement. I genuinely think this is one of the very hardest bits of the whole process, waiting for the dust to settle and seeing how you are feeling.
Thinking of you
MsB x

mistrihelen

Hi Juliff,

I've spent most of this afternoon reading this thread and think you're incredibly strong and brave to have got so far. Congratulations on finally getting that waste of space out of the house! He's going to have one hell of a shock when he realises just how much it costs to run a household. I know he's got his share of the house to spend, but even so, that won't last long at the rate he buys on eBay.

I hope now you're finding ways to relax and enjoy yourself now that you have this measure of freedom, and that the girls are beginning to see what their dad really contributes.

Hope you're doing well!

vandanfc

How are you doing J ?? Hope things are okay and you are just too busy having fun to post.

Love Vanda

julliff

Hi All,

Sorry I haven’t posted so long, I have just been so busy at work and at home.

It is still early days – DD2 wanted to have friends round on Friday to do baking, and I said I did not know if Grandma was free, and she can’t have friends round if no responsible adult present (I would still be at work). She asked if her Dad could be there, and I simply said “no”.

All in all, though, things are pretty quiet, which is just how they should be! Took DD1 and her friend to London on Sunday, and DD2 went to her Dads for the day.

That was the last time that kids saw their Dad. Strange thing is, no-one is talking about when they want to see him next. The thing is, I don’t know whether I should bring it up, or wai until either their Dad invites them over, or they say they want to go and see him. I want them to know that as far as I am concerned, they can see him when they want to, but at the same time, I don’t want to be the one organising it (not my place, and I don’t want to keep on with old habits).

Money_maker

Good to hear from you and glad everythings settling down. I would just wait until either they or he ask to get together - why rock the boat?!

So pleased to hear all is well, finally the peace you dreamed of... enjoy! x