Am I too controlling over money?

Brighton_belle

Juliffe, your latest post brought tears to my eyes - it has only been 6 days, and yet already you have turned the situation around.
Yes, of course there may be rough patches, but the ways things are currently sounds a really good start. So good to hear dd1 seeming so much happier - what a turn up eh! Wonderful to hear of you vegging out last night with her in front of telly.

"Everyone seemed happy". That's all down to you and your courage juliffe:T:T

hippychick1

I'm so so pleased for you Juliff. I have followed your thread from the beginning, and you sound like a different person now!!

I left my husband almost a year ago (yours sounds quite similar to mine!!), and moved me and my three children into a new house. I felt guilty, and wondered if I'd done the right thing, or was I just overreacting at his behaviour? Within a few days, I was just relieved. I could do what I liked in my own house, without having to put up with his moods, and I was in control of my own money.

Almost a year on, I am so much happier than I thought I could be. I have just started a three year university course to change my career. I still have to bite my tongue sometimes when I see him, as he still does and says things that wind me up, but to be honest, I'm just relieved he is not my problem any more!!!!

I wish you the best of luck. Things will only get better for you now :j

mommame

Great news juliff, music to my ears.
One thing though don't sit on your laurels re: the new lock on the door, as the minute things are not going his way you could regret not sorting it now while everything is calm.
You can always tell the girls and him that your key broke in the lock so it was a necessity to change it.
Lovely lovely outcome.

vandanfc

You're doing great J. Keep it up. Good to hear you more positive and even a little more relaxed.

julliff

Hello all you lovely people -

Well, I am still here - there are still struggles, but I am trying to deal with it.

Girls are at their Dads for a few days - hope it is all OK. We have had some more drama.

Went to Devon over the weekend and had a lovely time. Came back last night and DD1 rang X, and he was in the pub. He said - I will be over in the morning. I managed to get the phone from DD1 and said "No, we agreed that I will drop the girls off on my way to work".

He replied and said, well, we will come back over then. I said no, as I had to go to work, and he said "Well, dont you trust me, I will be with the girls", in a nasty tone. Jeez, he just does not give up (I could tell he was drunk too).

so I rang back in the morning and I told him that he should speak to me if he wants to come over, and not arrange things through the kids as it was not fair. To which he replied "Well you have done a lot of things that are not fair".

So, he is still being difficult, and acting like I am unreasonable! DD1 would not speak to me last night either!

I am going to stick to my boundaries though. And I think I have been fair.

mommame

Juliffe you are doing great,don't back down but be prepared to spend quite a lot of time in"Coventry" this month until the girls and moron ex gets the message that this is a division in all senses of the word not just the ones he is willing to concede.
Chin up and give yourself a big pat on the back cos you are slowly mending both mentally and physically.

Dinah93

You've been very fair Julliff and I think you're absolutely doing the right thing,if you let him back in the house I bet things would be dissapearing, he'd be at your food, he'd be checking through the drawers to see what you've been up to etc etc. Keep going hon you're doing great x

Brighton_belle

well done Juliffe:T.
Yes you have been fair. Extremely.
And great stuff - I can feel your determination to stick to your boundaries:T.
If dd1 wants to refuse to speak to you (it's learned behaviour doing that anyway) it's not fun for you, but you know from recent past experience that she does pick up again and get over it. Getting the boundaries firm now is going to save months on on going grief.
It is good they are spending a few days at their dads; hopefully that will set up a pattern of them feeling at home their too.
Hope you feel abe to relax yourself and recharge your batteries.

euronorris

Hi Julliff!

Just wanted to say hello and add my support. You have done so well so far, so keep going. I'm sure it will all become easier/smoother with time.

Also want to say that Supernatural is wonderful. Try and oogle, sorry watch, those wonderful Winchester boys whenever things are getting to you.

Primrose

Well done julliff for starting how you mean to go on. But if ex is starting to drink heavily now that there's nobody there to referee him, you'll perhaps need to think how you handle this when the girls are at his place. You don't want him drunk in charge of them when he's the sole parent in charge of their safety. It's not fair on them either. So if there's any sign of him drinking when they are going there, either abort the visit, or get them to phone you to fetch them home. He needs to understand early on where the boundaries are in this respect. Be prepared to expect that his drinking may now get much heavier, to the point where it becomes health endangering, now that there's nobody around to monitor it and he can please himself what he does without being admonished.