Am I too controlling over money?

January20

I haven't posted on your thread Juliff since the very first page but I have been following your progress and I hope that everything goes well today! I can't wait for your next post!

Yategirl

another MSE'er thinking of you and your girls.. hope today goes smoothly and without drama xxx

mommame

Good luck Juliff be strong and no regrets today,this is the start of your new lives. hugs

Glitzkiss

Good luck Juliff. I hope it all goes smoothly

Joelleski

Have been following this thread since the start, not had anything useful to add unfortunately, but all I can say is you are an amazing woman - and I really hope everything goes as well as can be for you and your DDs today...

hippychick1

Good luck Juliff. Hope all goes well today.

taka

Good luck Juliff! I hope today goes well and is as pain free as it can be. Take care, and be kind to yourself for the next while too!

julliff

Hi all

Thank you all for so many messages of support - I am really touched.

As could have been expected, things have not gone smoothly.

I had an email from solicitors at 2pm, saying that stbX had confirmed that he had vacated the property.

Got home, and most of his stuff was still there. My Mum was also there, and she said there were about 4 people (and stbX) just hanging about in the house til about 4.45pm. Apparently, he did not complete on his apartment until 5pm. So, in my eyes, he lied to the solicitor!

He only took some stuff. But, he did take all of my CDs and records. What used to happen, is that he used to buy CDs and stuff, and then tell me he had bought them for me. He used to get angry with me and say stuff like "I am always spending my money on you" but really, it was stuff he wanted. He would make out that I was mean if I didnt want to buy something because he had spent his money on me. But it wasn't for me. Makes me upset to think about all the guilt he used to lay on me, and then he just takes it anyway.

He also took the tea and coffee caddy that he made me buy. quite a few things that he had not mentioned he has just taken.

It is just stuff though, so I will try to not get upset. It is just the way he used to make me feel - can't really explain it.

Anyway, he rang DD2 and told her he would be round in the morning. I think that is out of order, he should speak to me first. He knows that I cant say anything now, because it will be harsh on the kids after he told them he would be round.

As ever, he is controlling the situation by manipulation.

I do want him to get the rest of his stuff, but he makes me mad the way he thinks he can just do whatever he likes.

I will get key off him tomorrow.

Still, step forward.

Hugs to you all:grouphug:

mommame

Right tomorrow morning get yourself to an ironmongers and buy a strong Yale lock for your front door and a dead bolt as well.
When ex hub comes ask him for his keys and if he says no then keep his stuff until he trades them for the keys,he cant do much as he has already told the solicitor he has vacated the premises hasn't he?.

Tell him no more visits unless it is cleared by you first and the first time he arranges with the girls without speaking to you first you are going to make it a formal arrangement through the court..
As soon as he is gone bin the old keys and install the new lock and bolt and then stick to your guns as this will be his first test to see how far he can push,if you are strong in this he will know no more taking the mick.

As for the stuff he has pinched he will probably sell these on ebay soon to get himself out of the S**t he will be in when the money runs out.
Oh and a strong email to solicitor re taking this idiots word as gospel that he had vacated the premises is in order then she will give him a flea in his ear as well..

InaPickle

julliff wrote: »

Hi all

Thank you all for so many messages of support - I am really touched.

As could have been expected, things have not gone smoothly.

I had an email from solicitors at 2pm, saying that stbX had confirmed that he had vacated the property.

Got home, and most of his stuff was still there. My Mum was also there, and she said there were about 4 people (and stbX) just hanging about in the house til about 4.45pm. Apparently, he did not complete on his apartment until 5pm. So, in my eyes, he lied to the solicitor!

He only took some stuff. But, he did take all of my CDs and records. What used to happen, is that he used to buy CDs and stuff, and then tell me he had bought them for me. He used to get angry with me and say stuff like "I am always spending my money on you" but really, it was stuff he wanted. He would make out that I was mean if I didnt want to buy something because he had spent his money on me. But it wasn't for me. Makes me upset to think about all the guilt he used to lay on me, and then he just takes it anyway.

He also took the tea and coffee caddy that he made me buy. quite a few things that he had not mentioned he has just taken.

It is just stuff though, so I will try to not get upset. It is just the way he used to make me feel - can't really explain it.

Anyway, he rang DD2 and told her he would be round in the morning. I think that is out of order, he should speak to me first. He knows that I cant say anything now, because it will be harsh on the kids after he told them he would be round.

As ever, he is controlling the situation by manipulation.

I do want him to get the rest of his stuff, but he makes me mad the way he thinks he can just do whatever he likes.

I will get key off him tomorrow.

Still, step forward.

Hugs to you all:grouphug:

Hey Juliff!

Well, first things first, at least he has gone. Might I suggest making a list of all the stuff he has taken that he should not have, with approximate values? You don't have to send it to the solicitor or do anything else with it quite yet, but keep it with you to hit him with later, if necessary, but it might be best to do it with a fresh mind. Do make sure you get that key, though...and if you have one of those little sliding chains, make sure that you have it on the door tonight/first thing in the morning so that if he thinks he is just walking in all innocent like tomorrow, he has another thing coming...if you don't I suggest a dining table behind the door, prefereably with the top of the back under the handle under the guise of hoovering or mopping, if you can get away with it, then ask for the key back straight away. He might as well get used to how things are going to go, and it ain't his way!