Am I too controlling over money?

Mrs_Weasley

Hope you are OK:)

Not long to go now

Primrose

julliff - in the hassle of all the other administration you're involved with, don't forget the importance of updating your Will to reflect your new circumstance as divorce will invalidate any current Will. You may also need to consider amending any spouse beneficiary arrangements on any life insurance or pension policies you have. If necessary, while your girls are under-age your solicitor can advise on how a trust can be set up to protect their interests, and you can decide who the trustees will be so if you don't trust your soon-to-be Ex not to maladminister any money due to them, he doesn't have to be named as a trustee. In any case, now that you're about to become the sole mortgagee of your house, these arrangements will need to be revisited.

julliff

Hi all,

Primrose, yes I definitely need to make a new will.

It has been so busy trying to sort everything out – divorce, new mortgage, life insurance, etc etc, but I must make this a priority.

The house as well, needs so much doing to it, I start to feel overwhelmed. I can’t decide whether to just work through the house room by room, or make a list of the whole house and pick off the easy things first.
I have promised DD1 that we will get hall and stairs done this year, as they are an absolute nightmare, and are an embarrassment when anyone ever visits.

However, there are a lot of smaller jobs, for example , the light pull in the bathroom hangs out of the ceiling. In six years it has never been properly fixed up. There are loads of jobs like that.

I think I may be coming down with a cold, as I feel rubbish – headache, achy, sneezing. Would love to be at home, but then again not.

Half term is coming up, and I am not sure what I should be doing (no-one gives you a manual for being a divorced parent, do they?). Should I ask stbX if he wants them to stay over at his? My Mum has offered to come to my house in the half term week, to keep an eye on the girls, but should I offer stbX first? He may think I am trying to exclude him. Of couse, it also depends if they want to go! Nice to have options, but I don’t know what the etiquette is!

stbX had another load of furniture delivered to our house yesterday (from ebay, natch), and it is taking up the whole of the back room. Couldn’t go on my wii trainer! Deep breaths – it is nearly over,,,,

InaPickle

julliff wrote: »

Hi all,

Primrose, yes I definitely need to make a new will.

It has been so busy trying to sort everything out – divorce, new mortgage, life insurance, etc etc, but I must make this a priority.

The house as well, needs so much doing to it, I start to feel overwhelmed. I can’t decide whether to just work through the house room by room, or make a list of the whole house and pick off the easy things first.
I have promised DD1 that we will get hall and stairs done this year, as they are an absolute nightmare, and are an embarrassment when anyone ever visits.

However, there are a lot of smaller jobs, for example , the light pull in the bathroom hangs out of the ceiling. In six years it has never been properly fixed up. There are loads of jobs like that.

I think I may be coming down with a cold, as I feel rubbish – headache, achy, sneezing. Would love to be at home, but then again not.

Half term is coming up, and I am not sure what I should be doing (no-one gives you a manual for being a divorced parent, do they?). Should I ask stbX if he wants them to stay over at his? My Mum has offered to come to my house in the half term week, to keep an eye on the girls, but should I offer stbX first? He may think I am trying to exclude him. Of couse, it also depends if they want to go! Nice to have options, but I don’t know what the etiquette is!

stbX had another load of furniture delivered to our house yesterday (from ebay, natch), and it is taking up the whole of the back room. Couldn’t go on my wii trainer! Deep breaths – it is nearly over,,,,

If nothing ellse, all that furniture means that at least he realises he is out on his ear. Baby steps! And as for the house, don't try to overwhelm yourself with too much 'other' stuff: you've done very well to get this far, so give yourself a bit of time to relax before launching yourself, exhaustedly, into another big project. You've got forever to deal with all that. x

Mrs_Weasley

Glad to hear from you me and SiL were getting worried!

Hope you feel better soon.

I don't know what the etiquette would be re school hols, but i would be inclined to ask stbx to have the girls (if they want to go to him that is) he is there father and should have some of the responsibility of looking after them and the lazy so and so isn't working!!!! HTH x

mrs w xxx

Caroline73_2

On the bright side at least he has been thinking about furniture.

With regard to half term - have you discussed access at all. Keep this completely separate from maintenance, this is where so many couples (or ex couples) go wrong.

MrsAnnie

Things are coming along at last Juliff, keeping going you are almost there :j.


As for half termarrangements, I think you should discuss it first with stbX and then go from there. If he takes a 'not interested' stance then don't push him; remember that moving out won't make him a perfect parent. But do give him the opportunity to look after the girls, afterall he doesn't work. Failing him, then go and discuss arrangements with your mum.


Take it one day at a time x

BitterAndTwisted

I wouldn't discuss any arrangements for half-term without asking the girls what they would like first.

As for the jobs around the house: sit down for five quiet minutes when you have them and make a list. Then sort them into priorities with the quick and easy ones at the top. Then, do nothing for at least a week. Making the list and prioritising can feel like you've already done most of the hard work already. The big projects as long as the house isn't falling down around your ears can be left for when you have a week's holiday off work. With luck that will be during the school-holidays when your girls can lend a hand holding the step-ladder and taking the lids off paint-tins for you.

Almost at the summit now. Do you have the champagne on ice yet?

bertiebots

Hi jullif ..just wanted to say I have read your whole thread and you really are an inspiration. Sounds like you and your girls are going to get the happiness you deserve and I wish you all the luck in the world. Friday is only 3 sleeps away!:beer:
Just to add on the decorating front...hope you dont mind as I am a newbie to your thread
I have to do all my own diy etc (although my talants have there limits) and find tackling just one job at a time gives me the best sense of acheivement. I find it more motivating to get one job finished so I can fully concentrate on the next ......also all I can cope with without my head spinning lol! I am blessed with one of those dh's that cant, wont and doesnt do anything around the house:cool::mad:! He would rather sit and play super mario wii (which was ds1's xmas presant):eek: When I say he cant btw I mean he really cant!!!! doesnt flippin drive either!

bertiebots

Any news jullif. Hope you and your girls are ok?