Am I too controlling over money?

Primrose

Juliff - They say the darkest hour is before the dawn, so perhaps last night was one of the darker hours. You have only one more week to put up with this intimidating and drunken behaviour and then your house will be a calm and restful place. Take out the hours when you're at work and the girls are at school, that doesn't leave too many hours when you'll all be incarcerated together. And if the drinking has got worse, you will be free of that too. Make a date with a locksmith to get the door locks changed on the 30th so that you need not fear him trying to come back in once he's moved out. Once that has happened tell your girls that they don't have to engage with him when he's been drinking, and is angry. If they visit him when he's like that, they should just walk out or ask you to fetch them home. They too are noticing a change in his behaviour and your OH needs to learn that if he wants to keep their friendship, he has to stop using them as pawns. Keep going. Not long now!

jackieglasgow

Hi Juliff,

I'm a long time lurker, and just wanted to say how much I admire your strength and courage. Don't be down now, you are almost rid of him at last. I think the PP's idea of booking the locksmith or a joiner for Friday is a very good one, and you should definitely consider it.

Can I also suggest you think of a new name for him, as it seems to me that he hasn't been your "other half" for a long time!! BEH comes to mind!
(!!!!!! ex hubbie!).

I'd also suggest a bottle of something nice for once the locks are changed and all his stuff is gone from your house.

Good luck.

Jackie X

vandanfc

Hi J

Sorry that OH continues to be a plonker. Probably realises that it is close to the end now and that he has made his own bed and he is going to end up having to lie on it. No last chances from you.

Hope the next few days go okay. You know we are all always here for you.

Vanda

bouncydog1

I have just read through your whole thread and have to say what a truly inspirational woman you are. When you look back and see what you have achieved over the past few months you should be truly proud of yourself and the fantastic role model that you have set for your daughters.

Your OH is depressed and angry and obviously thought that you would just give in - so glad you didn't. You and your children deserved not to have to put up with his pathetic treatment of you all - what sort of a man bullies his own children.

Teenage girls can be manipulative and difficult - we can all remember how we had to blame someone for any issues we had and mum was nearest - but your daughter will come through this - it's just a shame that DD1 has had to bear the brunt of his appalling behaviour.

One thing reading through your thread has taught me - I should appreciate my OH more, as I could have ended up with someone far worse!!

Zazen999

Juliff; it's his version of panic buying.

Everyone knows this doesn't work - you've not had to do this because you've stocked up

Brighton_belle

good to hear from you Juliffe, you've been in my thoughts this weekend. That went stunning well with the dad/chat thing, what a turnup that was:T.
However, really sorry you had to endure last nights behaviour and it is appalling that he has behaved like that to his girls. I just echo what everyone else says really.
One other thought - DD1 may be saying he didn't used to be like this - if at any time she introduces a hint of 'his deterioration (in her eyes) is your fault', it may be time to let her know that you had had to endure this yourself for alot longer and had kept it hidden.
You are being a great role model Juliffe - no one of either sex should have to endure this sort of intimidating beahaviour from a partner (or ex). It's the subtler intimdation and manipulation that is harder to spot isn't it, but you have now risen above that too:T

Counting down the days for you.

MrsAnnie

Oh dear, what a mess. He is obviously realising that you are leaving him and there is nothing he can do to change you mind (not that he has tried to all this time) and the only way to express himself is through intimidation and anger. Just stay out of his way, make any conversation short and to the point.

Also make sure that if you are at home when he finally moves out that you either have a mutual friend there for support and to diffuse any potential problems; or have a friend at the other end of the phone to call and/or come over if the situation flares up. I don't think he will go quietly, at least he is not voilent,but initimidation can be just as frightening, so please be prepared.

I was not sure exactly what day you said he was leaving. Please do plan something nice to do on the weekend for the girls and yourself which will distract all of you from the chaos. You all deserve to be happy after all the family has been throug -take it one day at a time, you'll get there in the end Take care x

julliff

Hi,

wow, thanks for all of the lovely replies.:A

Things have calmed down at home. When I got in DD2 said - you don't need to cook the tuna & pasta, as Dad is buying us chinese. It is to say sorry for last night. He has apologised to DD1.

Well, I suppose it is a step in the right direction, he never normally apologises. Kids seem to be OK. However, I am not really buying it - seen it too many times now. Just waiting for him to go.

Talking of that, my Mum popped down in the day, and she asked OH about his new flat. He said he was signing the docs on Friday (29th), and would be moving out the following week! Now, I thought that the solicitor said that it is a condition of the transfer that he vacated. Why does he think he can stay here after the transfer is complete? He would not be able to do that if he were selling to anyone else! I am checking with my solicior first thing tomorrow.

He also showed my Mum some ornament thing he bought on ebay for £40. He said, he loved it, and when he won £100 on a scratchcard, he thought he would treat himself! what a liberty! And living here rent free too! He didnt tell her about the other hundreds of pounds of stuff he has bought in the last few weeks.

I am still really angry with him for last night. I have not brought my girls up to swear, I dont swear, and I really hate it. He is such a bad role model. I wonder what pathetic excuse he gave DD1 for his behaviour? Probably made her feel sorry for him. I asked DD1 if she was OK with her Dad, and she said "yes" in a way that made it clear she did not want to talk about it to me.

She did come and help me with the shopping at Aldis just now, which is something she never does!

Counting the days......

julliff

Really tired tonight - did not sleep much last night. Gonna have a nice bubble bath with candles, and a glass of wine. Mmmmmm

InaPickle

julliff wrote: »

Really tired tonight - did not sleep much last night. Gonna have a nice bubble bath with candles, and a glass of wine. Mmmmmm

Mmm...you deserve it! Enjoy! :T :A