Am I too controlling over money?

julliff

Hello

Thanks for the messages.

Where do I start?

Friday afternoon I got a call at work from DD1. She was very chirpy,as was DD2 when I spoke to her. I then thought he could not have possibly told them. But when I got home, DD2 said "dad told us about his flat today". That was it! I could not believe that there was no (apparent) backlash.

Weekend went fine, we visited family (at DD1s request).

Today, OH has been drinking beer. While I was making dinner, OH came into kitchen and said we needed to talk about what he was taking. He said he couldnot take sofa or TV. I said, why not, and he said because of the kids. They play wii etc in that room, so he could not take them away. I replied that it was OK, as I was planning to replace TVanyway, but he just kept saying he could not because of the kids. In the end I just said -it is up to you. I think he just wants to buy himself new stuff, but just cant pass up an opportunity to make me feel sorry for him, and guilty.

Then at9pm DDs went to bed, and I went up to bedroom to watch TV. I heard OH coming upstairs, and he went into DD1s room. They had a row, and I heard him swearing at her. DD2 heard and is upset. I was all set to take girls to my Mums for the night, but DD1 refuses. She is crying, and saying "What if Dad kills himself. He has been drinking".

I dont really know what to do or say. I heard him saying "I was laying sick all over Christmas, and no-one gave a f*ck". He banged on the door as well.

I am really nervous sat here, but I am not leaving DD1 with him!

katglasgow

Hi Julliff, sorry you are having a bad night. Hopefully your daughters will be asleep soon and it will be another day tomorrow. Its going to be a hard week before he moves out, but you are so close now. Hope things have clamed down now.
xx

Emmzi

it's great that the fgirls didn't kick off at the news - they're smart and won't be that surprised.

just don't get involved in tv etc discussion. it's all an attempt to distract. "Whatever you think" is good.

eventually he'll fall asleep if he has been on the beers. your house, you stay put unless you think he's going to be violent. you can all cope with shouting and it's harsh, but it just reinforces you are doing the right thing, to all of you.

and frankly why SHOULD you give a **** if he's been ill?

no need to be nervous. It's just noise, and if it gets to be any more than noise, police. Just have your phone handy.

These are all things to look back on if you have days when you wonder if you did the right thing. It sounds daft, but take in as much as you can to steel yourself in the future. He's a !!!!!! doing this in front of his kids. Never forget.

Hopefully he will pass out soon.

Thinking of you.

xxx

julliff

Hi

thanks foryour reply.

It is quiet now - I hope my DDs are asleep.

OH is scarey when he has been drinking all day - I am going to sleep with my shoes on. I hope he will just fall asleep. I don't want to venture out of my bedroom, as he my hear the door opening, and start on me.

He is not violent, but VERY intimidating - if that makes any sense. He is a big chap.

What a mess. I feel like he is damaging the girls.

DD2 said - he has changed -he never used to be like that. I did not have the heart to say that I protected them from all of that. Now he cannot use me as an emotional punchbag, he uses them. so sad.

Emmzi

I would ask your DDs if they all want to sleep in with you for the next few nights, until he has moved out, just so they know it is ok. They may not want to, but they may find it a comfort if they are scared.

julliff

Hi Emmzi,

Yes I will do that. I dont think DD1 will.

She even said "I don't need your sympathy". not in a hostile way - I think she was just so upset, she wanted to be alone.

I just said I wanted her to know that I am here for her.

DD2 just said "I want to be at school"

mommame

Hi Julliff I don't post on very many threads but have followed you from the beginning ,oh is just pi**ing in the dark and trying one last chance to get the girls on side but believe me they will look back and think what we all think"what a spineless pathetic excuse for a man.
Just an afterthought but please keep a print of this thread so when it eventually gets to the last straw with them(the girls) and they are old enough to understand let them read it to understand the torment and pain that went into your decision to get rid for their sakes.

Good luck you are just coming to the final push now so regroup and forge ahead and enjoy your new life with your girls.

caeler

Wow you are truly an inspiration. I hope this final week runs as smoothly as it can. You absolutely deserve your life back. Good Luck.

InaPickle

julliff wrote: »

Hi

thanks foryour reply.

It is quiet now - I hope my DDs are asleep.

OH is scarey when he has been drinking all day - I am going to sleep with my shoes on. I hope he will just fall asleep. I don't want to venture out of my bedroom, as he my hear the door opening, and start on me.

He is not violent, but VERY intimidating - if that makes any sense. He is a big chap.

What a mess. I feel like he is damaging the girls.

DD2 said - he has changed -he never used to be like that. I did not have the heart to say that I protected them from all of that. Now he cannot use me as an emotional punchbag, he uses them. so sad.

Chances are that he has fallen asleep, but I wouldn't worry too much as, sozzled as he may be, he knows full well the trouble he would land himself in if he does anything more than shout. Just keep a record of everything that goes on and use it against him if necessary in future.

Stay strong as you are sooooo nearly there! :T

msb5262

Hi again Juliff,
I've been here all along wishing you well - keep going! In an awful way it's helpful that your OH is being such a **** right now as that will remind you why you are doing this. You are doing the right thing for a lot of good reasons. You've had great advice from posters just above so I'll wish you a good night - hope it all goes ok.
MsB x
PS When this is finally resolved and your OH is living elsewhere, I'll look forward to raising a virtual glass to you and your daughters. Your story is inspiring and it's just about to have a happy ending...try to remember that.