Am I too controlling over money?

julliff

Hello all,

I am feeling much better now. I found some Kalms, and they have really helped. My digestive problems have bow abated, but I am still feeling utterly exhausted, and have a lot of headaches. but I am not stressing about irt. I was just worrying that I was going to get panic attacks again. Was almost a self fulfilling prophecy. The mind is a powerful thing!

Anyway, thanks for your ongoing support- REALLY appreciated.

Solictor rang to say that OH had not returned the consent form (?), and if we did not get this, then a bailiff would have to serve it, and that would cost a lot of money. So she suggested that we say that we are not going to transfer the money until consent is returned, as OH is desperate to complete. So that is what she did on Thursday.

I am a bit worried about DD2, as OH keeps making her feel guilty about going out (she is like me, and tries to please people).

Thanks to you all.

Emmzi

I think withholding money will make your OH take action, so that is good. Steel yourself for when he's run out again. You HAVE to have him out of the house by then!!r he will never go!

So. What treat are you planning for yourself/ girls this weekend? I like the look of that film "It's Complicated." Or Avatar/ Sherlock Holmes are good if you haven't seen them yet.

Me, I have a mate coming over and we're going to eat yummy olives and drink nice wine.

msb5262

"Solicitor rang to say that OH had not returned the consent form (?), and if we did not get this, then a bailiff would have to serve it"
Hi Juliff,
I think this referred to the consent order - the consent order is the document outlining what you and your OH have agreed relating to finances etc.
HTH
MsB

vandanfc

Hope the paperwork gets asap and then he can move out and let you get on with it. Sad that he is making DD2 feel so guilty, no parent should deliberately do this. He is such a short sighted person.

julliff

Hi

thanks for your replies.

I think I was getting confused. Solicitor said there was something outstanding from OH, and she was going to make it a condition of completing the transfer that he return it, otherwise a bailiff would have to be used.

But, she also said, that she did not have the consent order back from ME, that OH had signed. Well, I keep all my documents in a box at my Mums, and I went through it, and it was definitely not there. In fact, I can remember signing the consent order, and I returned it to her office, along with some other stuff, by Hand. So, it lloks like they may have lost it.

This eans we may have to do it again. As well as this delaying completion, I hope I do not get charged for this. I am a bit cross, becuase, as I said, I delivered it personally, with some cheques which were banked, so I know that they must have had it. Trouble is, I cant prove it.

Grrr!


Re DD2, I was interrupted as I posted last time. I was going to add that DD2 keeps saying that she wont go places because she wants to stay with her Dad. now this would be fine if it were that simple, but she says she feels sorry for him when we go out.

Last Sunday, DD2 wanted to go to town, and I suggested she ask her Dad if he ouldlike to take her, as I didn't really have the time. His response was "Oh, that is not a good idea, as it will snow later". It was not smowing, and anyway, it was only a short bus ride away. Good grief, if I took that attitude, we would be starving by now. Of course, he just did not want to go. So, he had a golden opportunity to spend some one on one time with DD2, and did not want to know! I give up.
(I took DD2 to the local retail park instead).

Emmzi, you have a great approach to life. I'm afraid my weekend has been washing/shopping/taxiing/cleaning. I have been feeling really exhausted lately, so stuff is piling up. Added to that DD1 had her Science GCSE in the week, so spent loads of time helping her with revision. She did put in the effort though, so I am thrilled. (I just tested her, and marked her revision workbooks!). I must take a leaf from your book, and allocate some me time!!!! Will try harder!

Thanks all!!!:A

Primrose

Keep going Julliff. You'll get there eventually. Always a good idea when handing documents into a solicitor to ask the Receptionist to provide a signed receipt for it. Saves arguments later if things get lost, and then you can refuse to pay extra costs for replacements being provided if the loss is their fault.

Brighton_belle

just want to echo what every one else is saying Juliffe - keep going:T. And a great post from Primrose re your anxiety levels and symptoms.
I would also add that I am not suprised they are popping up again when so close to the end result: I think it is probably natural to get close to being free for you inner fears to kick in - a bit like a caged bird about to be freed suddnely thinking, but can I fly?

Tough one re dd2 but I think you may be better placed to start tackling them one your ex has moved out and he isn't a constant source of anxiety for her by his constant presence. Once this upheaval has settled, you may even think about sourcing abrief run of counselling or something for her, to help her separate her feeling and thoughts over what she is repsonsible for and what others are responsible for.

BitterAndTwisted

Great advice from Brighton Belle about perhaps arranging for some counselling for DD2 once the OH has finally moved out.

julliff wrote: »

I'm afraid my weekend has been washing/shopping/taxiing/cleaning. I have been feeling really exhausted lately, so stuff is piling up.

You're feeling exhausted because you are and it's completely understandable. One way to help you feel more in control might be to formulate some kind of roster of chores and responsibilities for the three of you once OH isn't in the picture any longer. I think it's perfectly reasonable for everyone who lives together to have something they have to take care of on their own without being chided, regardless of how young the children are. It sounds to me like your girls are perfectly capable of folding laundry or pushing a vacuum-cleaner around when they get back from school for instance.

Keep going just a wee while longer, the final summit is within sight now!

julliff

Hi all,

Thanks for all of the encouragement.

On a practical note, I have had an email from my Solicitor, and she has found the doc (I suggested she speak to the lady dealing with the transfer, as I sent a few things together, and they may have got into the wrong file).

She has spoken to OH, anmd apparently it is an acknowledgement form that is outstanding from him (I assume that is for the receiving of the divorce petition?). So now Solicitor is drawing up an afferdavit. She said the transfer is now ready to complete.

This is where I start to get scared. It is really happening. Having spent so many months in limbo, I am really worried now. I am especially worried about my girls. They probably think that as nothing much has haooened, nothing is going to. I have a horrible feeling that it will be a really big shock for them. I need to brace myself, as I see really rough times ahead. Their world is about to change drastically. And for all of his faults, they love him (even DD1 is speaking to him again now – proof that she loves him). I feel rotten for doing this to them.

The other point, is that I keep doubting myself. As OH and I don’t speak, it is quiet at home, and I keep wondering if I should have just put up with things for a few years longer. I hope my kids don’t go off the rails. I read so many sad stories on here about teenagers.

They have both been so good lately. Poor them.

Dinah93

Julliff you are setting a great example to your DDs that women shouldn't settle for being a doormat, and as they see you becoming happier and more confident that can only be good for them. They have both been made utterly miserable by his behaviour lately, you are doing a GOOD thing for them by giving them stability, so there is no need to feel rotten AT ALL.