Am I too controlling over money?

Primrose

Julliff - that's going to be an intolerable condition for you to be in - OH still having "legal" access to the house once he's moved out. Are the "terms" going to impose a condition on him that once the financial settlement has been made and he's moved out that he forfeits all rights to access the property, until your divorce comes through? If not, he could run through all his money, have his electricity cut off and have no food in his house and still be coming back through your door to enjoy all the facilities and comforts of your house at your expense. It's awful that you should feel forced to leave the house simply because you can't bear to be in the house with him. Do you have a decent library nearby that you can join? If you're a Council Tax payer, you have free use of them during opening hours where you could at least sit in the warm and browse your way though a book or some magazines. Ours has armchairs, as well as a coffee machine & loo so you could comfortably spend a couple of hours there. They're not normally open in the evenings though, but most of them open on Saturdays if you're desperate to flee for a while when you're not at work. When is your divorce going to be finalised? You must be counting the days.

vandanfc

Hi

Shame that OH might finally be waking up and smelling the coffee - way too late !!!

Well you have got through xmas and new year, so only a few more weeks, which I am sure will fly once the girls are back at school and then it will be just the 3 of you and a new start - not long now and should give you much to look forward to.

Vanda

mummyroysof3

juliff, i have read this whole thread, it has taken me a while but i just wanted to send you and your daughters a hug and that awful man yu are getting rid of a slap!

I have a few problems with hubby but nothing compared to how you have been treated, its been great to see how you have grown stronger as time has gone on, have to ask though what did he say when he realised his sports had gone?:rotfl:

hope you have a great 2010 xx

MrsAnnie

Julliff, the situation sounds unbearable.

When is the divorce going through? Before or after the transfer? Are you happy with the work your solicitor is doing? I was wondering if seeking a second legal opinion would be worthwhile- you would probably get a free consultation elsewhere. IMO the process should be moving faster since exOH is in agreement with the terms of the settlement.

Having said that... you are almost there, end of Jan isn't too far away :T.

julliff

Hi all

MrsAnnie - the transfer should go through before the divorce. I don't think I will get the nisi before Feb. I think the delay was that up until OH found apartment, he would not respond at all to my solicitor. I think he thought that by doing this, I would cave in and just hand over the settlement without legal intervention (more attempted manipulation). This changed when he needed money for apartment, and I was not budging.

Solicitor has been good, although I try not to phone too often, as each call costs a minimum of £20 :eek:. It soon adds up. I have spent almost 3 grand already.(This does inculde conveyancing work too).

mummyroysof3 - OH did not mention the sports tv - hehe. Bet he did to his mates.


Primrose - I don't think once he has gone,he can come back. It is just that if he has not left, and I settle up with him, I have no leverage to make him go, until the divorce. That is my understanding, although you have made me think that I should double check on that one.

I am back to work tomorrow, and whilst it is hectic and tiring, it will give me another focus, I suppose.

I still get down. I sometimes feel like everything is over. It has all passed me by. What a fool I have been. I am old, my children are almost grown - there is nothing left for a future. Sorry if that sounds self pitying.

Thanks to you all.:A

MrsAnnie

julliff wrote: »

I still get down. I sometimes feel like everything is over. It has all passed me by. What a fool I have been. I am old, my children are almost grown - there is nothing left for a future. Sorry if that sounds self pitying.

Thanks to you all.:A

Aww.. please don't feel that way. New doors will inevitably open for you.

You can explore new hobbies and old ones that fell by the wayside years ago. There will be no one to ask permission from and no one elses schedule to work around. No one to judge your friends or ask you to change your plans.

This will be a fresh start for you, dwell on the positives and the world will be waiting for you.

Brighton_belle

(((Hugs))) juliffe - I can understand you feeling like that, but that's because you are worn out and tired. It is also ok to grieve the past as part of the process of letting it go and moving on. And Juliffe - some women never find the courage to leave and you could have stayed till you were 65/70. You have years ahead of you to have a great life, take up new hobbies and discover new skills and make new friends, and all as mrsannie said, with no one watching over you to criticise or spoil.
I speak as someone else who has lost years that cannot be regained, who's life blossomed late but that makes it all the more precious and joyful.

Think back to that 'you' who was standing in your sisters kitchen , laughing her head off and your DD1 sidling up for a cuddle: that is the future you will have becasue that is still the real you. Once this is over, your energy will return and you will find all sorts of opportunities to have fun that now seem impossible.

scubaangel

julliff wrote: »

I still get down. I sometimes feel like everything is over. It has all passed me by. What a fool I have been. I am old, my children are almost grown - there is nothing left for a future. Sorry if that sounds self pitying.

Thanks to you all.:A

Utter rubbish J, I know that's how it feels but you are far from old, you have DD's who will need you for a good 10 years yet - through to the end of school/college/uni and hopefully their careers.

But you also have time and space to be you, Brighton Belle mentions hobbies bet there are loads of things you'd like to do but haven't thought you could do, my mum took up tap dancing when she moved out, we all took the micky but she loved it and it gave her access to a whole new set of people who knew her for herself and not as 'scubas mum' or 'his wife'

InaPickle

julliff wrote: »

I still get down. I sometimes feel like everything is over. It has all passed me by. What a fool I have been. I am old, my children are almost grown - there is nothing left for a future. Sorry if that sounds self pitying.

You are nowhere near past it yet: you've not even made it up to the top of the hill to start the descent down the other side!

What they others are saying about new hobbies etc. is true. Perhaps you could start to write yourself a 'dream list' of all the things you have ever wanted to do/try for you to look forward to when OH moves out? You could then try to find out a bit about them (if there's somewhere to do them, when and where they can be done and how much they cost etc.) in your local area, so they don't seem to pie-in-the-sky. If nothing else, if will help you realise that things are changing and that the change will happen sooner rather than later. x

Zazen999

julliff wrote: »

I still get down. I sometimes feel like everything is over. It has all passed me by. What a fool I have been. I am old, my children are almost grown - there is nothing left for a future. Sorry if that sounds self pitying.

Now, look here young lady. I hesitated to have kids in any of my lackadaisical relationships and met the man of my dreams too late to have any kids. I don't regret not having kids with their potential fathers; but it is too late for me to have ANY kids now; did I curl up and cry or just get on with it? I've never ever felt that there is no future - and nor should you. Stop talking yourself into a misery; new year, new start; you've just got a few boxes to tick [and he's got boxes to pack] before you can make a start. I don't want to read any of this talk again - it is not you.