Am I too controlling over money?

Brighton_belle

Hi Juliffe - you are not being selfish, you are overwhelmed and exhausted, no wonder you want someone else to take over. I feel like that at least 3 times a week, lol and I don't have children to care for.

Is there anything you could cancel in the next week - you say you have promised to go to this xmas do, but you didn't say you really wanted to. Try and imagine if one of your daughters was ill - what things would be ok to cancel becaseu you had to look after them? I imagine quite a few, so not everything has to be done does it. Just becasue it is not your daughter feeling ill, and it's you effectively doesn't mean you are not worthy of being looked after, even if it is jjust you doing it IYSWIM.

Take a piece of paper and make a list of all the things you believe have to be done in the next week, then prioritise them (and pref delete the bottom half altogether). You are not superwoman and the priority has to be you staying physically and mentally well. As long as the girls have presents on xmas morning, nothing else matters. I have been rather ill these last 2 weeks. Although now recovering, I am not going to be sending any xmas cards or buying any presents (no children to worry about). Nothing matters other than me getting properly better becasue I know everything else will suffer if I don't (I learnt the hard way a few yrs ago).

Re DD's exp re her dad's lack of income.I can't see the harm in calmly and briefly correcting inaccuracies but I appreciate there is a fine line here and you are the best judge -you have behaved so well and have great integrety and true love fo your DD's emotional welfair.

Primrose

Dear Julliff,
I'm putting myself in your shoes and I can feel your exhaustion. Please do try and learn to say NO occasionally. It sometimes takes so little just to push us over the edge, and I think if you can summon up the emotional strength occasionally not to do some of the things which are being pressurised on you, it will help you feel more in control of your current very busy and stressful life. You do sound as if you desperately need some time to chill out. Explain to your daughters how you are feeling and let them take a little bit of gentle responsibility for doing a few simple chores for you. Explain to them that occasionally the burden of taking 100% responsibility for the family when their father is doing nothing, earning nothing and when you are working full time, is catching up with you. They are probably not too young to understand this. Ask yourself whether your commitments are totally necessary and renegotiate them with yourself. You may possibly find that not everything you feel you have to do is essential. Your health is the prime priority here. Wind down a little, and let a few things go hang. You deserve a good break. Treat yourself to some early nights, do a few relaxation exercises and try and wind down for the duration of the holiday.

InaPickle

Hi Juliff! This is just a quick post to wish you and your DDs a very Merry Christmas and a fantastic start to 2010. May the coming year bring you peace of mind and peace indoors!

Pickle
x

julliff

Thank you all for your messages - you are all fab!

I had a lovely time in Devon - and it was a real revelation to me.

My younger sister and I are very close, and share the same sense of humour. I always have a great laugh down there. Anyway, I became aware that DD1 could not leave me alone. She was all ove me the whole weekend. She wanted to be where I was.

I occured to me that she wanted my attention all the time, and maybe it is because she sees me with my sister, as a REAL person, and not just the drudge of a Mum. Maybe she was also a bit jealous of me spending time with Sis. But the thing is - I tool this as a sign that she does care about me, and need me. Oh, look - typing that has made me cry. She even hugged me, spontaniously. That is my Christmas!

not looking forward to tomorrow, but will just try to get through it. I am managing to slow down a bit - so I feel not so exhausted. That will help get me through it.

Thanks to you all,amd A Merry Christmas too!

:A:A:A:A:A:A:A:A:A:A:A:A

JoW123

Hi Juliff. Just wanted you to know I am thinking of you. This is my first Christmas without my ex, and it's really difficult as all my friends are married and doing things together.......however, I don't have to worry any more about what will drop through the letterbox, what lies he is telling etc etc. Just concentrate on getting through and keeping going. I have manged to do everything with the childrens school events, get the same presents, write cards, work etc etc and I may be on my knees with tiredness but it is possible to do it on your own!

Take care! x

scubaangel

J I hope you have a lovely day with your girls tomorrow.

Brighton_belle

Julifee, that is so lovly re dd1. I think you have probably hit the nail on the head. It is wonderful you have somewhere to go to that puts you so rapidly in touch with the real you.
Everything you are going through now, and all the grind and stress of separating is about your aiming for the life and right to be your true self all of the time Juliffe.

Xmas itself won't be easy, but hang on to that goal.

Dinah93

Merry Christmas Julliff, and heres to a much more positive 2010 for you and your DDs. x

Emmzi

I hope your day is going ok juliffe, thinking of you

Money_maker

Nearly over, hope you had a good one, Juliff