Am I too controlling over money?

plimsoll

just caught up, posts have been building up lol so wanted to have enough time to read them all before I tried, sounds like you're doing really well {hug}

MrsAnnie

So pleased to hear that you Xmas has been good and that you are beginning to take a stand against all the manipuation!

We all told you it will get easier

nickyQ

Maybe he got depressed and lost confidence,you should talk to him and courage him to search for a new job,tell him the whole families need him

vandanfc

Way to go J !

Glad that you have got some me time and are remembering how to relax.

Hope New Year goes okay for you all.

Vanda

julliff

Hi all

Thanks for your messages.

It has been a strange week. OH has been ill, and has barely moved from the front room.

The girls and I went to sister 1's for New Year, and had a nice time. However, when I got up yesterday, there was a really disgusting smell downstairs (those who are squemish, please stop reading now). In the downstairs shower room, there was loads of blood and pus everywhere. OH has a cyst and it had obviously burst.:eek:
I did feel quite sorry for him, it must be HUGE. So I made him a fry up, when I made one for the girls.

DD1 fell out with him last Tuesday, over a pizza or something. Anyway, she told me that she is not apologising to him. She said "I know what will happen, he will find something to make me feel guilty about, so I will say sorry to him". I was amazed at her perception, spot on.

DD2 was helping him all day yesterday, even picking up his beanbag when it dropped on the floor (sittitng is difficult for him, I think). Then DD1 wanted us 3 to pop over to my Mums for an hour in the evening, and OH still tried to make her feel guilty (as he has done EVERY time we go out). We went, and DD1 said - I think it is mean to make DD2 feel guilty. There is no need.

I wonder if he is starting to realise what he has thrown away?

Money_maker

Happy New Year, Juliff.

What goes around seems to be coming around now.

Stay strong.

julliff

thanks!

And a Happy New Year to all of you too!

You're the tops.

I am not exaggerating whe I say I could not have got through the last 8 months without y'all!

Primrose

Yes, Juliff, I suspect you're right - that the New Year might give your OH pause for reflection over all he is losing, and starting to realise that once he moves out, he will have to take responsibility for looking after himself, even when he is unwell. But the good thing seems to be that your daughters are starting to grow up intellectually and read the signs and start analysing your OH's behaviour for themselves, which is a good thing.
Hopefully the holiday has given you a short break and enabled to get a sense of perspective on everything again. A Happy New Year to you - and just keep crossing off all those days on the calendar!

Emmzi

Juliffe,

I'm confused. you've given him mooney but he's still in the house - I thought that was moving out cash?

IS there a timetable for him moving?

julliff

Emmzi

Yes,this seems to be going on forever!

OH has had 50% of the savings. He is still the joint owner of the house though. My solicitor has suggested that the transfer of ownership is synchronised with his part ownership purchase, and the terms of the transfer is that he vacates the property, when the settlement is made.

Apparently, even when the transfer is done, I would not be able to force him to leave, as we will technically still be married, and hw would still have "rights". That is why she has suggested the "terms" like so. He will only move out when he completes on his purchase, which I believe is mid to end of Jan.

It is really frustrating, as he has complete run of the house, using all the facilities that I am paying for. He has had many thousands of pounds, and contributes nothing. As I haver ranted about before - he has spent all his redundancy money on himself, and is now working his way through the savings settlement.

I know I am rubbish at being tough. In fact, last week when the kids both went out, I ended up tramping the streets for hours because I didn't want to be alone in the house with him! I could kick myself for being such a wimp.