Am I too controlling over money?

julliff

Hi emmzi

thanks for the vote of confidence.

I am still very much up and down. I have been cheesed off, but thatwont really change until he is gone.

For instance, both of the girls were in the school Christmas concert. The first night was last Thursday, but I had already arranged for a (rare) night out with some friends. DD1 tried to see if there was someone else who couls drop them off afterwards, but she could not find anyone. I suggested to DD1 that maybe her Dad could collect her, and even attend the concert, to which she replied "Oh, no, he hates that kind of thing". So I ended up leaving my night out early to pick up girls. Now, I know there are a lot of single parents out there, so maybe I should stop feeling sorry for myself, but I just wish I could have had a partner who would share the load - even a bit. It makes me feel so alone.

My mum would have done it, but she is away at my sisters. Whar a contrast, she is 72 and would have walked them home at 9.30pm, with the school being nearly 1 mile from our house.

Anyway, the second concert was tonight, which I attended, and thoroughly enjoyed. I love having the opportunity to be proud of them. When we arrived home, OH was out, and DD2 innocently piped up "Dad has gone out with Dave and Jen, that's why he couldn't come to our concert".

Am I ever going to be able to shrug these things off? I am quietly imploding, because I know full well that he would not have attended come what may.

The job must have been a one off, as he has been in the house ever since last Thursday. I noticed that he has spent £180 on ebay in the last 31 days. I can't understand why he is not ashamed of himself, spending on himslef,and not supporting his kids by even a penny.

On sunday, I felt very weary. It is like I am swimming against the current, and I get so,so tired.

Anyway, thanks for letting me offload.

Zazen999

Keep going Juliff - there IS a light at the end of the tunnel.

Brighton_belle

Hi Julliffe - no, I don't expect you'll ever not feel hurt on your girl's behalf. Hopefully it will diminish a little with him out the house and as the girls grow older. But what you feel is entire reasonable to me and his behaviour to his girls makes me mad too.

Great post from emmzi which I echo. You are doing well, and I so understand how worn down with it your are: a totally energy draining life at the mo: don't underestimate how much his presence will be draining you and having to suppress emotions in his presence and around your girls.
Another day crossed off though J, another step forward, even though it feels like you are treading water.

Money_maker

He missed these special moments in his kids lives - not you. Hold them close and think 'more fool him'. One day he will regret it.

You know there's light at the end of the tunnel, keep swimming and you can have a long rest at the end.

Thinking of you x

Emmzi

when he is out of the house, you will be less annoyed, because you wont see the daily little niggles, and he won't be a financial burden any more.

keep pushing through. You can't get shot fast enough!

it also doesn't matter what your daughters think of him, as long as YOU are trying your best for them you can sleep with an easy mind.

scubaangel

J you're doing incredibly well, don't forget that DD's are now seeing your ex the way you do more and more.

Won't be too long now until he is out of your home for good, keep strong hun. x

MrsAnnie

So sorry Julliff that you are feeling a bit down and fed up. Hugs to you.

You have been doing so well and seem to be have more positive days recently. Try not to dwell on the negative situations and don't let exOH drag you down with him.

There is so many activities on at Xmas...get out and enjoy yourself!!

Primrose

Julliff - it's tough that you're having to take on all the family responsibilities. It must feel like trying to swim against the tide with a big boulder hung around your neck. But it won't be for ever. Have you got a date yet when OH will be moving out? As soon as you get the date, get yourself one of those big cheap calendars with the days of the month in big square blocks on it. Hang it on the inside door of your bedroom wardrobe or some else privately where every day you can cross another day off. It will help reinforce the knowledge that the end is in sight. I cannot believe that somebody would spend £180 on Ebay in a month and not let their children have a penny of it in food and maintenance. How you keep your patience I don't know. He is going to have such a lightbulb moment once he's out in the big wide world and having to support himself. It will be just a matter of weeks before he ruins himself financially so all you can do is start hardening your heart now against that fact, and congratulate yourself on how far you've come in a very short time to ensure that you and your girls will soon be on the road to a better more secure life without all this stress and hassle. Keep going. The hardest part of the road always seems to be that steep uphill bit at the end.

julliff

Hi all

thank you so much for your kind and supportive comments.

I aam feeling so down at the moment. I want to snap out of it, but things seem so overwhelming generally. I suppose a lot of people feel like this.

Work has been manic. I was going in at 7.30 and working really hard, I didn't even have time for a lunch break. The project manager has set impossible deadlines.
Anyway, I am finished now for the year, so hopefully, I can start to catch my breath.

Most evenings I have been rushing from one place to another with DDs - concerts, shopping lifts. We went to town last night and I walked around in a daze. Now I am really worried, becuase I have quite a lot to do before Christmas.

Tomorrow morning early, I am driving with the girls down to Devon. We are coming beack early on Monday morning, and I then have to the catch a train to a Christmas do I promised to go to. I think I have taken on too much.

Trying to get all the washing done tonight - then I may go in the bath to de-stress. I feel exhausted.

Was a bit upset this morning,becuase OH had told DD1 that he would give (well she said lend - hope not) her some money to go for a pizza and pictures with friends. As he was not awake, she asked me to give it to her, and she would try to get it back from him. She then proceeded to tell me about a conversation she had with a school friend, asking if they could go for the "happy hour" pizza because she had to ask her Dad for some money, and her Dad had no job or benefits, his only icome was from selling his stuff.

Well, as we all know, he now has thousands of pounds all for himself! Has spent over £300 on ebay in last 31 days, and the reason he has no benefits or job is because he wont make any effort. So, so, hard to keep it all in.

I can never go to the doctors again about my anxiety, because I was turned down for Income protection because of this, and they are going to review in 12 months. So I have to buck up, and keep my anxiety under control.

I feel selfish - I just want somone tocome and take over for me - and stay alone in a dark room.

Thank you to you all, it really helps.

Emmzi

juliff, I really would put your health first. So if you want happy pills, go get em - they really do help somme people. A falling over mum is no use to anyone, whereas a capable but skint mum can achieve a lot.

but, what do you think doc will do for your anxiety? would more personal space, stopping saying yes to everything the kids want because you feel guilty, pacing your life, and getting shot of OH, all help? If so, do them! Plus, bubble bath, meditation, etc etc etc!