Am I too controlling over money?

vandanfc

Hope all has gone well at the Doctor's.

julliff

Hi All

Well Drs was a complete waste of time, but at the same time quite a relief.

Apparently,they just wanted to do a repeat urine test. White cell count was 10-25 originally, but it is not a cause for concern until it is over 100. Dr was being ultra cautious, and wanted to see that it has gone back to normal.

Had a bill from solcitors today for £1200 :eek:, and I have already paid them £900. Made me feel a bit sick really.

I cancelled Sky sports tonight - OH will not be happy when he finds out.Well, the last straw came yesterday, when I came back from my sisters with the girls and he was watching the football. DD2 asked if she could watch something, and he said she would have to wait until football was finished - which was too late for her. She said to me "It's alright for him, he doesn't have to get up in the mornings, and he has all day". She is right, and it made me sad, that they don't have a Dad they can look up to.

I do find that I am OK, but then all of a sudden I just come to a complete halt, like I can't do anything - some sort of mental paralysis. I have managed to order some stuff from Amazon for my neices & nephews, but other than that, I have just been staring at the screen.


MOR = mate over the road!

Anyway, thanks for all of your messages!

Primrose

You may feel paralysed julliff but you're not really. Even when you think you are, you're moving ahead doing all the right things like cancelling Sky (well done for this), paying your solicitor's bill and making a start on buying Christmas presents. I think you're being too hard on yourself. Facing up to the end of a marriage is another form of bereavement ss and like any other loss, you just have to work your way through the same stages of disbelief, anger, numbness, acceptance, etc. In all these stages we can get stuck for a while before moving on to the next stage or regressing back for a while. Sometimes we just need to stay a little in our "stuck" phase until we're emotionally ready to move on. You are getting there. It's your husband who hasn't yet rolled his first dice for six to enable him to even to make that first move off the starting blocks.

Iheart2poundcoins

I'm onto page 8 but just wanted to give you a hug!!! (((hug)))
I will read some more tomorrow night but so much of what has been written I can identify with. Hope you are doing ok. xx

vandanfc

Hi

Glad there was nothing to worry about at the Docs. Yikes at solicitor's bill - but it will be worth it I am sure.

What a selfish ********** (insert any word of your choice) your ex is. At least the girls are starting to see him for what he really is.

Take the girls to go and see the film Nativity - it is great, a real feel good factor about it, I grinned most of the way through it and still smile when I remember clips. It should be compulsory for all schools to go see it too.

Hope the weekend is good for you. Take care and hugs.

Vanda

Zazen999

julliff wrote: »

I do find that I am OK, but then all of a sudden I just come to a complete halt, like I can't do anything - some sort of mental paralysis.

That's just your brain assimilating all the changes. Let it happen, it is healthy that your brain is taking this in and absorbing it.

julliff

Hi All

Thanks for the replies.

Zazen999 - your comment makes sense. I am so busy at work, and most of the time at home, that when I finally sit down at the computer, all those thoughts and feelings suddenly impinge on my brain.

Anyway, DD2 told me this morning that OH has got a job!! All she knew is that it is something to do with decorating. It could be a proper job, but maybe it is just a one off. He has not mentioned anything to me. So, really, he should be contributing to the bills etc, Bet he wont.

Just now, DD1 and I are upstairs. We have just had dinner. As I mentioned, we always have a TV dinner on a Saturday, and guess what? OH was in front room watching his programme. Anyway, after I had eaten my dinner, I came back upstairs as I dont like the program OH had on. DD1 followed me up. Then DD2 came up, but said she would go down again, because although she doesn't like the programme OH is watching, he implied that he was getting upset because we all went upstairs. This happens all the time. Makes me so mad!

Another thing was that I arranged to take the kids to Devon to see my sister in a couple of weeks. I spoke to OH before telling the girls, I even asked if that was OK with him, which he said it was. Just as well I did. Apparently, he was talking to DD1 about taking them to visit their cousin, who is grown up, and that they have not met. It made me wonder, will he be able to just take kids away whenever he wants to, without agreeing it with me? I know with little kids, there is usually rules about this sort of thing, but I don't know about bigger kids. I feel a bit unsure anyway about this cousin, as I don't know much about her, as we have not had contact with his family for over 14 years, after some shocking stuff with OHs brothers (one of which is the dad of this cousin).

Lasltly, I was declined for my Income Protection Insurance - said they would review in 12 months. It was because I was depressed last year, and saw a counsellor. I didn't realise at the time, that I was a victim of a manipulator, and that was the cause of my anxiety'

Glitzkiss

julliff wrote: »

Hi All

Thanks for the replies.

Zazen999 - your comment makes sense. I am so busy at work, and most of the time at home, that when I finally sit down at the computer, all those thoughts and feelings suddenly impinge on my brain.

Anyway, DD2 told me this morning that OH has got a job!! All she knew is that it is something to do with decorating. It could be a proper job, but maybe it is just a one off. He has not mentioned anything to me. So, really, he should be contributing to the bills etc, Bet he wont.

I doubt he will too. However keep a note of this as every little bit helps. If he does deign to contribute financially remember it is only him helping to provide for his daughters as he should do. It does not mean he is owed any more in the financial settlement

Just now, DD1 and I are upstairs. We have just had dinner. As I mentioned, we always have a TV dinner on a Saturday, and guess what? OH was in front room watching his programme. Anyway, after I had eaten my dinner, I came back upstairs as I dont like the program OH had on. DD1 followed me up. Then DD2 came up, but said she would go down again, because although she doesn't like the programme OH is watching, he implied that he was getting upset because we all went upstairs. This happens all the time. Makes me so mad!

Remind her she does not have to watch something just to please her father. If anything he should be willing to change his viewing habits if he wants his family to join him. Your home is not his dictatorship

Another thing was that I arranged to take the kids to Devon to see my sister in a couple of weeks. I spoke to OH before telling the girls, I even asked if that was OK with him, which he said it was. Just as well I did. Apparently, he was talking to DD1 about taking them to visit their cousin, who is grown up, and that they have not met. It made me wonder, will he be able to just take kids away whenever he wants to, without agreeing it with me? I know with little kids, there is usually rules about this sort of thing, but I don't know about bigger kids. I feel a bit unsure anyway about this cousin, as I don't know much about her, as we have not had contact with his family for over 14 years, after some shocking stuff with OHs brothers (one of which is the dad of this cousin).

I'm not a parent so I can't fully advise on this but what I do know is that as the Dad he still has rights. Therefore I would imagine he can take them where he wishes as long as it's not permanent. Hopefully someone more knowledgable will be along to confirm or deny this soon.


Lasltly, I was declined for my Income Protection Insurance - said they would review in 12 months. It was because I was depressed last year, and saw a counsellor. I didn't realise at the time, that I was a victim of a manipulator, and that was the cause of my anxiety'

Perhaps run this past the insurance board to see what they say

Not long now Julliff. Keep going and soon your life will be your own again

julliff

Hi all

Another week over, still feel like I am livng in limbo.

not sure what happened on the job front. I came in from work yesterday, and asked where OH was. Kids said: He is on his way home from work. But today, I rang home to see if the kids were ok, and they toldme OH was there. I said "But I thought your Dad was working, to which DD2 replied "Well, apparently not." I dodn't ask anymore, because I don't like them to be piggy in the middle.

Goodness knows whatall that was about.

Emmzi

but, you've gone a whole week, feeling strong enough to make your own decisions, and not check back in with us...

not that we mind if you do but blimey, that's a difference!

OH won't hold a job until he has to.

Soon, he'll have to.

You're being a grand lass, not drawing the kids into it. It's the right thing to do but many can't. Hope you are all proud of yourself.

xxx