Am I too controlling over money?

Primrose

Is the main (bigger) TV in your front room and the reason why your daughters don't want to watch TV elsewhere is because it's a smaller TV? If that's the case, perhaps you could consider swapping them around, or possibly moving more comfortable furniture from the front room temporarily into the back room. There's no reason why one person should hog all the comfortable facilities.
It's good that work is being a positive influence on you at the moment. I think you need some space away from your home where you can just be yourself without all the family distractions. Hopefully you and the girls will enjoy your shopping day out tomorrow. Keep going. Every day you manage to get through will be one day less of future endurance of this difficult situation. Have you managed to think about Christmas yet and how and where you will spend it as that could be a difficult period to negotiate your way through unless you manage to get arrangements sorted out well in advance.

julliff

Hi All

Yes, the reason the kids (&OH) want to use the front room is because we have a SKY + box,so you can watch stuff that has been recorded, and also you can skip past all of the ad breaks. Oh yes, and there are loads more channels.

The front room has recliners (there is astory behind that!), and the back room does not - it does have a really comfy, nice corner sofa, but it can't compete with the electric leather recliners!!

I know way back some folks said I should get sky sports switched off, and now I think I will. Sure he will be mad, and make me out to be a tight, evil b*tch, but in the end, what does that matter? I will simply say that I ned to cut down my outgoings now I am going to have a MASSIVE mortgage to pay!

Primrose - you are spot on about my job. I have to concentrate really hard, and I do find myself in a completely different world from my home life. One where I am julliff, and not just someones wife or mother. I have a great bunch of friend there, and they don't really know about my personal life (I am quite a private person) so I can just be me. It is hard, and I am often exhausted, but I am glad of it.

Christmas - well, it will be at home. DD1 asked me about Christmas dinner,and I said her Dad is welcome to join us for chritsmas dinner (he no longer sits at the table with us at meal times, and makes his own food), and I would speak to him if she liked. She said yes, so I will. Then it is up to him. My Mum is also coming over, so that will make things a little less awkward, we wil have to be "normal".

In the evening, we (the girls and I) will be going to my sisters. We have done this every year except last year. And he always spoils it for me - so I don't want him around for that. Last year, I could not face having to deal with him and the way he was with my family, so I arranged for us to go away for Christmas. Life should not have to be like that. Hope the kids don't ask that he comes.

If it weren't for the kids, I would cancel Christmas this year!

Thanks for taking the trouble to reply.

InaPickle

I think you are doing brilliantly, Juliff: keep it up!

vandanfc

Hi

Hope you enjoy your day with the girls and get lots of girly goodies.

Def. cancel Sky Sports, it's not cheap and if only he benefits then it's very unfair to all of you. Can you maybe just cut all sky back to basics, and when he is gone reinstate what you know you and the girls will like. Might encourage him to move on quicker.

Keep strong, you are doing really well, it will all be over before you know it.

Vanda

msb5262

Well done, Juliff - you're really on the last lap of this now. I can't help agreeing with Primrose when she says you can tick off each day as one less to go. Very impressed also that you can look at these troubles as being minor in the scheme of things when they loom so large in your everyday life. Big round of applause for you!
MsB

Primrose

Juliff - spend Christmas the way YOU want to do it. It sounds as if in the past you have always taken all the responsibility for organising it and having it spoilt in the process. Now that the legal process is in train it's a good opportunity for your OH to start getting used to a different way of doing things and after all the stresses you've had over the past year, you're right to organise Christmas in a way that provides a little oasis of calm and pleasure for you and the girls. It will be a good opportunity for your OH to start learning that his personal life going forward will now have to be organised in a rather different way which reflects the new realities.

julliff

I have been thinking about how my life is going to be. But, instead of focussing on ending up a lonely old lady, I am thinking about what I would like to be different.

Here is the start of my list:

Being able to wear heels again – I have spent the last 14 years rushing from place to place, so only wore flat, sensible shoes.

Trying to find me again – I need to discover what suits me now, what I like etc. Spent so many years only thinking about everyone else, trying to make the perfect family, whilst someone else sabotaged all my efforts. I acted like I didn’t matter.

Planning what I am going to do with the house when it is mine alone. It is going to sound mad, but the house doesn’t feel like me. Hard to explain really. (Funny, I always imagine myself in a cosy flat).

It is a start. thanks for all of your replies!!:D

Keeping_Positive

I like the sound of that Juliff - Its so easy to spend so much time and effort on other people so you derserve some self TLC and new shoes!!!

Primrose

Juliff - I really admire your positive forward-thinking attitude. It sounds as if you're now finding it easier to envisage a different kind of life for yourself in the future which only a few months ago would have been totally impossible. That is real progress, and hopefully these positive thoughts will keep you motivated through the difficult ups and downs of the more immediate future. A whole new world is slowly opening up to you. If you could fast-forward to twelve months time I suspect you will see a new self-confident, empowered mother and person who you thought had been lost for ever.

scubaangel

J I know exactly what you mean about the house, when my mum left Dad completely redecorated the place to his tastes....it looks awful but he likes it, while mum did something similar to her new house say she'd never liked the way the family home was decorated! Plus it will help erase any memories of your ex once he is gone from the house.

Enjoy your new shoes when you get them.:j