Am I too controlling over money?

julliff

Hi all

Thanks for all of your replies.

I appreciate all of your comments, but I am going to stick with the 50/50. I know I could go for more, but my freedom/peace and sanity are worth every penny.

I know I can take care of my daughters and myself - just watch me.

OH has been particularly annoying this weekend. He has spent 90% of his time sitting in front room, monopolising the TV. After all day yesterday, DD1, DD1s best friend and I went down to watch X factor, which we recored on Sky +. OH said - What about my football,so we could not watch it for another hour.

I did want to say something, but DD1s friend was there so I did not cause a scene.

Things like this keep me foccused as to why I need out of this marriage. He is so lazy and selfish - and I am the one paying for the TV anyway!

He is like a black cloud in the house - I feel inhibited in my own home, if that makes any sense.

julliff

JoW123 wrote: »

Hi Juliff. For what it's worth I agree with you about the 50/50 split. I agreed to keep and pay off our joint credit card when I split with my ex partner, even though some of my family and friends felt that he should have paid half. Even though it will take me a while I know I can do it and it was worth it for him to have moved out, and not have to worry about the gambling and the emotional blackmail any longer.

Sometimes the 'right and fair' division of assets isn't always the 'best' one for the person who is desperate to have a life again.

It's 2 months now since he left, and at times it has been very difficult especially as I have been confined to home as one of the children has probable swine flu, but I'd never have him back in a million years now.

Thanks for these comments - I get the feeling you know exactly how I feel. Sorry you have had a rotten time, and I hope your little one is feeling better.

starsteel

I've read most of your thread recently and wanted to congratulate you on staying strong. I'd agree with some of the other posters about teenage girls - I'm 23, so I can remember all too clearly that I was a nightmare at times.

Brighton_belle

Juliffe, what is good, is that you come across with clear certainty about why you are going 50/50 and that you have listened to other opinions (and appreciate them) but are standing firm in what is right for you.
I can 'feel' your strength and determination to move forward. You'll have more stormy weather to come I am sure, but you keep coming back to your position of inner strength. You are so going to do this and get through:T.

The 'feeling of being inhibited in your own home' makes total and utter sense. What ever life throws at you after he is gone will probably feel much easier by comparison.

JoW123

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Juliffe, what is good, is that you come across with clear certainty about why you are going 50/50 and that you have listened to other opinions (and appreciate them) but are standing firm in what is right for you.
I can 'feel' your strength and determination to move forward. You'll have more stormy weather to come I am sure, but you keep coming back to your position of inner strength. You are so going to do this and get through:T.

The 'feeling of being inhibited in your own home' makes total and utter sense. What ever life throws at you after he is gone will probably feel much easier by comparison.

This is very true Juliff. You will definitely feel much better when he is gone. There will be times of sadness and sorrow for what you have lost but it will generally be so much better than what you are enduring now.

Thinking of you and stay strong.

julliff

Hi all

thanks for your ongoing support.

Came in tonight and OH said he needs £500 to put a deposit down on a house.

The house is a bit away from here, not on a bus route. I said, I thought you were going to stay round here (on the estate where we are), and he said that it is my fault becuse he asked for the money before to rent a place, and I would not split the money then, so they are gone.

Really scared about how DD1 will react, when she finds out. Of course everything is my fault - he said "I don't know why we could not just have split the savings between us".

Have to go out to get money from cashpoint.

I also looked online, and there is a house to rent in the next road. So it was really his choice. It is one of those part own/part rent schemes I think.

How does he always manage to make things my fault?

Money_maker

Your DD1 aside, it must be a relief for you that he wont be living on your doorstep?
Have you asked when he's going?

julliff

No,

I was just stunned.

I know I should feel relieved, and maybe once I am over the shock I will be.

but at the moment I am just thinking about the girls, how they will react, and how I will probably end up having to drive them over there all the time!

julliff

I need to toughen up.

Their Dad is not dying - he will still be their Dad. It's not like we have the perfect family (who does?).

dogcat_2

I wish you all the best for the future. Try and be strong for your daughters sake. You will get through this and come out the other end.