Am I too controlling over money?

MrsAnnie

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through Julliff. Hope today was a little more bearable for you.

I don't have teenagers (yet!) but I do know a few and once was a stroppy one myself. I think your DDs behaviour is just a typical teenager phase - that will eventually pass in time. You do need to learn to deal with her attitude before it runs you into the ground. I can't really advise but maybe someone can reccommend some books on how to deal with teenagers?

Take care

Annie x

julliff

Thank you to you all for your kind posts.

things with DD1 have calmed down a bit, and my Mum had a word with her.

OH has now had petition, and settlement proposal.

I thought the proposal was very fair - 50% of savings, 50% of equity, and he gets to keep all of his ebay collectibles (I keep car). Also, we divife houshold items, especially where there are two items - e.g two TVs, two suites.

Well, today he saif that the solicitor had got the wrong figure re the house, becuse there were 3 valuations - 189,500. 190-200,000 & 190,000 -210,000. Solcitor quoted 190,000 and that was a joke. Again, I felt quite stunned, as he is angling for more money. so, looks like I am in for a fight.

I did point out to him that those valuations were based on if the hallway was done, and of course if I buy the hous there are no EA fees.

He is the limit. I am not asking for any money for the kids - clean break is how the solicitor put it.

julliff

My Mum keeps telling me I should stick upfor myself in all of this, and stop trying to be reasonable!

Dinah93

I agree with your mum! He's only looking out for himself, certainly not the kids, so if he wants to fight you, you need to fight for everything you are entitled to, make him see that actually its not a right, its a privilege to have nice things.

msb5262

"I thought the proposal was very fair - 50% of savings, 50% of equity, and he gets to keep all of his ebay collectibles (I keep car). Also, we divide houshold items, especially where there are two items - e.g two TVs, two suites."
quote from Juliff in post #564
I think the proposal is more than fair as far as your OH is concerned - I'd say it's generous. You are going to have your DDs with you most of the time, so splitting everything 50/50 is giving him a huge amount.
When my ex and I got divorced, he took 33% of everything - and it was still a struggle for me to manage on 67% as I had the children to consider.
DON'T let him take you for any more than you have already conceded; the house and the savings aren't just for you but for you and your children.
Hold onto this and hopefully it will help you to be strong in these negotiations. You've been incredibly strong so far...well done.
Best wishes,
MsB

Primrose

I think the proposal is overly generous considering you will be the individual with practical financial responsibility for the children who will be living with you. Personally I think your mother is absolutely right on this. I think that your OH should get no more than 40% of the equity of the house seeing that you are having to negotiate for this share on the basis of three people having to live there so in effect you are having to negotiate for your two children to have a share of it as their living accommodation too.

julliff

Hi all,

thanks for your responses, as ever.

An update - this morning, when I was leaving for work, OH said "I am not going to argue about the house price". I just replied "OK", and set off for work.

I know he will probably use this against me to make others think I am fleecing him, but as it is not true, I shall try to not think about it.

GSXRCarlos

will he be paying child support?

MrsAnnie

julliff wrote: »

...He is the limit. I am not asking for any money for the kids - clean break is how the solicitor put it.

GSXRCarlos wrote: »

will he be paying child support?

I was wondering the same thing. I hope that child support will be set up.

Not sure why he is walking away with 50% of house and savings when you are looking after the children. If you go through the CSA you probably will not receive very much in Child support. And you also have to look to the future, what happens if your DDs want to go on to further education - will he be helping financially? And if he has a tendency to spend irresponsibly I don't think you can rely on him 100%that he will be there to support the children at a later stage. He is walking away with 50% of everything without the responsibility of everyday costs of the children- that just does not seem right.

IMO financially you are getting the short end of the stick. What has your solicitor reccomended?

Primrose

julliff - this is your ONLY chance to get this settlement right. The financial cards do not seem to be stacked in your favour when you are taking all the family responsibility. Please do think very carefully about this while you still have the option.