Am I too controlling over money?

consultant31

I see no point in paying a solicitor and not taking their advice. If she/he 'advises strongly' not to pay out yet, I would take heed.

Just as a point of interest, there are several landlords in my area who actively seek tenants who's rent is paid by the housing benefit people. It seems that it's easier for them to get their money than trying to catch a tenant at home on rent day

MrsAnnie

I know a few divorced people out there that have been short changed through a divorce because they just 'want out of the situation as soon as possible' and walk away with less than they deserve.

Don't rush the finance stage because decisions made in haste are not always best.

Just hang in there and wait for the settlement to be done correctly and thoughtfully.

pebbles88

MrsAnnie wrote: »

I know a few divorced people out there that have been short changed through a divorce because they just 'want out of the situation as soon as possible' and walk away with less than they deserve.

Don't rush the finance stage because decisions made in haste are not always best.

Just hang in there and wait for the settlement to be done correctly and thoughtfully.

absolutely right, my friend is splitting from her hubby and wants to keep it amicable and prob let him have the house as his kids leave near....which is very caring of her, but i reminded her she needs to start fresh too and that it was her house too so she is due something.

vandanfc

Morning
Happy Birthday to dd2, hope she gets to have a super day. Hope it all goes smoothly for you. Ignore the wally that you are living with - he doesn't deserve you or the children. Don't give him anything without it being down in black and white legally. If he wants to rent, send him to sign on and then he can claim HB.

julliff

Hi all

Thanks for your replies.

DD2 did have a nice birthday, in the end.

It started badly, when OH would still not speak to kids. I asked him whether he wanted to sign the card I had bought, or whether he had bought his own, To which he replied “What with – I have got ****all!. What is she going to think of me?”

Once again, I bit my tongue, and resisted the urge to reply “She will think that her Dad prefers to spend any money he has on ebay, beer and fags”. Instead, I let him sign my card. I also gave him £500 – as agreed by solicitor, to come off settlement amount. I have kept bank receipts, as instructed.

I then had to pop out to get some pumpkins. While I was out, DD1 and OH had a chat – as did DD2.

I took DD2 to town to get her hair done, and on the way in she said that Dad was upset because he had been really looking forward to this week, because he was going to be able to spend some time with them, and then we went to Devon, and they also went out with their friends. At this point I want to scream – what an absolute crock o Sh*te (excuse my French) – we only went to Devon for two days, and he has had 6 other days Iin which to spend time with them – but he did not arrange anything – too busy being angry and sulking about DD1’s joke! So, he is still trying to blame others for him being unhappy, and make them feel sorry for them,

I told DD2 that she should not feel bad, he should sav said if he wanted to take them out. Well, anyway, on the way back I had to pick up DD1 from my Mums, and DD2 said Could I drop her off at home, so Dad would not be upset? GGrrrrr… why should she feel like that, especially on her birthday.

Anyay, he did cheer up with them, so at least she could enjoy her birthday. (Perhaps having another £500 helped that? Or am I cynical? He has already bid on another auction). He did give DD2 £20.

My family came over, and I overheard OH giving one of my sisters his sob story in the garden – he makes me sick.

Maybe I should stop posting now, because, really I am just letting off steam, and it is quite self indulgent, isn’t it?

Sorry

Keeping_Positive

No you need to be able to vent so dont feel sorry.

You are getting stronger

(((hugs)))

BitterAndTwisted

Post away Juliff, post away! Every time you post on here I see you getting stronger and stronger

Brighton_belle

do keep posting juliffe - as others have said - you need to vent, but also you are clearly getting stronger and stonger and able to see his manipulation games: all fuel for why you are separating. Hang on to that lovely feeling you experienced last weekend -a sensation of peace. This is how life should be much more of the time, so keep that in mind.

I am howling mad at his manipulative behaviour towards his children; it is horrible and utterly selfish in my opinion. It is to your credit that you have managed to bite your tongue to protect your children from arguements and unpleasantness

Well done on getting your solicitors say so before releasing the money:T

Keep on keeping on. You are going to have to continue to carry the parental responsibility for your childrens emtional welfare on your own I'm afraid, and that is very tough and won't always be rewarding when they go into 'poor dad' mode. But, you have already got better at coping with dd1's ups and downs.

Keep on keeping on Juliffe. We're rooting for you and I see no evidence of self indulgence myself.

julliff

Hi All,

thanks for your lovely reples - they made me cry.

I am a bit wiped out this weekend, I have been rushing around like a mad thing, trying to make sure that Dd2 had a good birthday. I have found it all quite stressful. I am having a little "me" time in my room, while DD2 makes pizza with her friends downstairs. Yes, I keep thinking back to last week on Babbacombe, it was so lovely.

Yes, BrightonBelle, you are dead right about the manipulation. It is good to hear someone else say it, because there are STILL times when I can't quite believe what is going on. I can't believe that OH did not even put aside enough money to get DD2 a card, and yet still imply that he was a poor victim.

It is still all about him. He has not changed a jot, in all these months. I fear there will be no lightbulb moment here.

julliff

OH, yes - and someone asked me which song I would adopt as my anthem going forward.

It is "I'm Outta Love" - Anastacia. The lyrics just sum everything up - could have been written for me!