Am I too controlling over money?

vandanfc

Enjoy tonight and your weekend with the girls.

MrsAnnie

Hi Julliff :hello:

Hope you had a good laugh last night with your work buddies. And have a grest weekend with your DDs - you deserve it!

GSXRCarlos

good weekend?

julliff

Hi All

Yes, I did have a nice weekend, thank you all.

Had a great night out on Thursday – good laugh with a great bunch. Going out again next Thurs with my other cronies! It is a bit of a reunion - should be a hoot.

Saturday, I had a really good meeting with my business banking advisor, who is going to get me a quote for remortgaging. I was really chuffed, as I didn’t think I would be able to get a mortgage with the, because I have only been contracting for 9 months. They did not seem to think it would be a problem, a I have been in IT for over 12 years in total. That will be in a couple of weeks.

I am going to start transferring all of my direct debits to my new single bank account – no point in hanging around, as they are all in my name (except mortgage) and I am paying them all anyway.

Sunday , had a good day out with kids and sister – weather stayed fine.

Funny, even though I am only getting my money in, I seem to be much better off. I can only think that it is because I am no longer pressurised to spend money by OH – I can decide what to buy, and when to buy it. (Apart from pester power from the kids, but I can handle that).

Probably going to visit sister in Devon this weekend with the girls and my Mum. A bit nervous about mentioning it to Oh as he might think I am keeping kids away from him. It is half term though, so he will have them all day Thurs & Fri.

Once again, thanks to you all for your brilliant support.

Sorry if I seem really up and down – but that’s because I am really up and down!!

GSXRCarlos

julliff wrote: »

Sorry if I seem really up and down – but that’s because I am really up and down!!

Why do you feel the need to apologise?

Dinah93

He took DD1 to Ireland for a week, he can't well complain about you going away for 2 days! At the end of the day he has to come to terms with the fact that very soon hes not going to get to see them everyday, and 2 days is by no means unreasonable.

Primrose

Julliff - good to see you taking control of your bills via your new single named bank account. Getting this type of administration sorted now will reduce the pressure on you later. Good news that you had a useful meeting with your business banking advisor. It just goes to show that things are slowly slipping into place so don't allow yourself to get too downhearted. Rome wasn't built in a day but you are already setting up some pretty good foundations.

Lets_Say_2

Glad you had a good night out, a great day Sunday and more to come - well done you.

julliff

Thanks for your messages.

It is great to get feedback from you all, because there are times when I think “Is it me? Am I unreasonable?” In fact, I have this daydream that OH is posting on a site called “Moneywasting.com”, and everyone thinks he is poor, hard done by bloke, and I am being utterly unreasonable to expect him to look for a job, learn to drive, etc etc.

Carlos, I do feel the need to apologise, because I know it must seem mad to anyone else. And exasperating.

For example, yesterday, I felt fairly happy and strong, getting things organised.

Then yesterday evening, I walked DD1 to guides, and she started saying things like: “The song by Pink really makes me cry, when she says I don’t want tow addresses and I don’t want a step brother”. She then told me that OH still loves me, and this was the last thing he wanted. She began to get a bit angry, and also started probing me about if there was someone else (The fact that I have only been out once on my own in about 4 months seems to have escaped her).

Telling her that she does not understand and that adult relationships are complicated only leads to her accusing me of being patronising/

I stood firm, and she was not best pleased. However, this morning she was cheerful with me enough. I am trying not to let these things bring me down too much, but I did wake up at 3am, and couldn’t get back to sleep. I keep thinking this is the tip of the iceburg, as when it comes to the crunch and OH has to move out, all hell will break loose.

Primrose

Julliff - perhaps it would help to explain to your daughter that you're not being patronising and one of the things which happen as you grow older and become an adult is that your brain absorbs more and your emotions develop in the same way that your body grows. This means that you experience more diverse situations in which human relationships are involved you gradually develop the capacity to deal with your emotions in a more complex way rather than in the simple way you see them as a child. It's difficult for children to accept this but if you can slowly start talking to her about different kinds of moral arguments (which are totally unrelated to your own family situation) she might slowly start to see where you can coming from and understand that few issues are ever totally black or totally white i.e. Is it ever right to steal? (for the sheer evil of it or because you're a parent with a child who is starving. She has only ever been exposed to her own family situation in an intimate way at first hand so hasn't had the opportunity to judge how other families manage their relationships so it is difficult for her to understand and to make comparisons.