Am I too controlling over money?

BitterAndTwisted

There are some things about private, adult relationships which the children involved should not be party to or witnesses of. That would certainly be difficult or hurtful to try and explain but I'm glad to see that you refused to be drawn into a discussion with your daughter about your marriage and the demise of same. Most young people are desperate to maintain the status quo in this situation and getting into a discussion about the details cannot ever be helpful once your mind is made up, so good for you!

I must say that being the only competent adult in your family must be a terrible strain but it seems you are doing incredibly well under the circumstances, so good for you again!

Dinah93

Really proud of you hon you seem so much more secure in yourself and the tone in your posts is a lot more steady and upbeat. You're doing great x

MrsAnnie

Hang in there Julllif, you're doing great :T.

I think most children of seperated parents secretly (or not so secretly!) wish their parents were together - no matter how long they have been apart or how much they have moved forward in their lives. Unfortunately, it is just one of those things that we, as parents, have to grin and bear. I don't think your DD will ever completely understand, because she does not want to understand IYSWIM. But in time your DD will come to accept the situation.

julliff

hi all,

got the draft petition from my solicitor today.

OMG, it is a real character assassination. Not that any of it is not true, but it is just awful. I dont; think I can allow her to send it out, because he is going to go absolutley ballistic when he sees it.

And, as I am still living in the same house as him, it makes me really nervous.

julliff

what I meant to say, is that I can't allow her to send it out, without some changes!

MrsAnnie

julliff wrote: »

hi all,

got the draft petition from my solicitor today.

OMG, it is a real character assassination. Not that any of it is not true, but it is just awful. I dont; think I can allow her to send it out, because he is going to go absolutley ballistic when he sees it.

And, as I am still living in the same house as him, it makes me really nervous.

By all means ask the solicitor to tone the wording down. However, he may still go 'ballistic' no matter what is written about him.

When you use the word 'ballistic', what exactly does this mean in reference to him? A strop? A few angry words? Violence? You need to be prepared for what you think the worst case senario may be.

Money_maker

Is it accurate, Juliff?

If so, then try not to make any major changes.

Good luck.

Primrose

julliff - this is one occasion when however hard it is, you may have to accept that your solicitor has dealt with a lot more divorce cases than you are familiar with, and is being paid to act in your interests. So you cannot ask her to act for you with one hand tired behind her back. However uncomfortable you may feel about the allegations , you have to ask yourself whether what is alleged is untrue. You are not going to win a reasonable divorce settlement by allowing the other party to walk all over you because you are worried about your OH's feelings when he reads it. This is the one time when you have to remind yourself that you need to negotiate the best deal you can for yourself and your children. Either you get the money you need and deserve so that you and your children do not live their future lives in constant poverty, or your OH gets to spend it all on e-bay.

JoW123

Hi Juliff. I suspect your husband is going to go mad whatever he reads as he doesn't want things to end. However, my ex-partner was just the same. I never thought he would go but when he finally realised that his lifestyle was over he went. The children have had their ups and downs about it all but are managing well, just as your daughters will too. Believe me the uncertainty and the atmosphere at home as it is now is worse for everyone than it will be when he goes. Yes, it will be unpleasant but you really need to keep going. I'm not saying it will be easy afterwards. My ex has just been round to see the children and I still have to make all the arrangements or else he would keep forgetting (he cant even be bothered to check out the right bus times and keeps phoning me to say he has missed buses!!). However, he isn't my responsibiltiy any more and the children are much more settle now even though there have been moments of sadness.

Just keep going.......and you will get there

julliff

Hi All,

I have made some amendments to it, and solicitor is going to see if it is still enough to prove unreasonable behaviour.

Took out stuff relating to the kids, and stuff about him being a heavy drinker, as these will enrage him.

On a good note, I have had a decision in principle from the Halifax for a mortgage. The IFS told me I had the highest possible credit score! Yay! Being sensible does have its rewards! Am going to get a quote from HSBC as well, as I have my business account there.

Went out again last night, and enjoyed myself. Off to Devon for the weekend, so things are quite good at the moment. The petition wont be going out until w/c 2/11, so there is no point in worrying about that just now.

DD2’s birthday is next week, so I will focus on that.

Thank you to all of you, your support is ivaluable!