Am I too controlling over money?

Primrose

Just a word of warning about toning down your divorce petition too much. I think it's better to bite the bullet and state things how they are. You could possibly find that a weak divorce petition could in some way affect your ultimate financial settlement. If heavy drinking and financial irresponsibility have been issues which have helped cause your marriage breakdown, they should be clearly stated. Also, in the long run you will be doing your OH no favours in terms of getting his future act together if he isn't forced to face up to some harsh realities. Enjoy your Devon break. Am sure you need it.

GSXRCarlos

enjoy your break, see you when you get back ;o)

julliff

Hi All,

Thanks for your messages; I had a lovely time in Devon. Went out a couple of times with the girls to Babbacombe beach. They really enjoyed climbing on the rocks, and seemed quite content. I enjoyed seeing them happy, and also enjoyed peacefully gazing out to sea. I enjoyed some truly joyful, peaceful moments – the sort that makes you think that maybe life is worthwhile

We also went to the Model Village and they were doing a few things for Halloween, which also went down well.

The only fly in the ointment, is that when I got back yesterday OH was watching football with MOR, in the front room, so I was consigned to the upstairs. So I had a nice bubble bath tik they’d finished.

It did strike me how stressful this all is, and would be loads easier, if we were not stuck in the same house. I just can’t see him leaving, and I can’t leave, or the house will be lost.

Was also a bit miffed to see he and MOR had eaten the pizza I had in the freezer for DDs sleepover this week. Grrrr. He probably thought he deserved it because he had bought some milk, and cat food!

GSXRCarlos

Glad you had a good break, sometimes stepping out of daily life is all you need to help see things more clearly

julliff wrote: »

Was also a bit miffed to see he and MOR had eaten the pizza I had in the freezer for DDs sleepover this week. Grrrr. He probably thought he deserved it because he had bought some milk, and cat food!

Not defending him, but did he know this was for their sleep over? if he did then i agree with you, if he didn't then you need to be careful not to get too petty over the smallest details.

can he replace it?

MrsAnnie

Hi Julliff,

Pleased to hear that you had a great time in Devon.

julliff wrote: »

Was also a bit miffed to see he and MOR had eaten the pizza I had in the freezer for DDs sleepover this week. Grrrr. He probably thought he deserved it because he had bought some milk, and cat food!

Just kindly ask him to replace the pizza before the weekend for your DDs sleepover. Job done. No need to fester over a pizza! Life is too short!

Enjoy the rest of your week!

julliff

Hi all

Thanks for your replies. Of course you are right, I have much bigger things to worry about. I just get a bit miffed with him taking everything, and giving nothing (or next to nothing).

Anyway, has been a really stressful week. On Monday, while I was upstairs, OH told DD1 he was popping over to MOR, and she made some flippant joke about him spending all his time with another man, and was he in love? OH went ballistic and stormed out of the house. Then Tuesday morning, while I was at work, he had a right go at her, and even said “If anyone else had said that I would have punched them in the face”. What a thing to say to a child! He had another go at her Tuesday evening, and said – "You lot go swanning off at the weekend, and I spend some time with another geezer, and you suggest I am gay – How dare you your attitude is really getting to me". Now he wont speak to anyone in the house!

I wonder if he is doing it on purpose, as it is DD2's birthday tomorrow, and he has a history of going into moodies before and occasion. Probably because he knows I will try to smooth things over, for the kids sake.

I can’t help feeling nervous, as all of my family are coming over for a birthday tea (about 16 of them). Hope he doesn’t spoil it.

Tuesday night, he called me out into the garden, and said, “Things are going from bad to worse, and I need to move out I need you to share out the money now. There was a house to let up the road, and it has now gone. There is another, but it is £120 more a month”. I asked him if he was going to go for that one, and he said “I’ve got no choice”. I replied ”I’ll take that as a yes then”.

I spoke to the solicitors’ office, and my solicitor is away until next Monday, but another solicitor strongly advised me not to give any money out yet. TBH, I am tempted to give him it so that he will go. DD1 said she hates him, and can’t wait for him to move out. – I resisted the urge to say too much, but I did say he was very wrong to make the comment about punching someone in the face!

Maybe I should say, if he wants to put down a deposit, I will arrange for the payment, and hope he does not try to discount this as part of the settlement. I will have to prepare myself for that eventuality, though. It may be a price I have to pay.

Zazen999

Can you not take out an injunction on him after he has threatened your daughter? Then he would have to get out. Is that even possible?

What an ar.$e.

Dinah93

Likelyhood of a landlord taking on someone with no income and no job as a tennant is between slim and none. So you'll have to pay his rent and bills every single month. There is never going to be a shortage of places to rent, but places that he considers to his standard that will take workless layabouts, yep, might be a shortage of them. I would be hoping the place on your street goes before he gets the money tbh, this is not in your best interest.

Go back to the solicitor and get them to draw up a document stating you are advancing him say £5k of the settlement at his request, which is to be deducted from his share. Get him to sign in the presence of witnesses who sign as such. Only once this document is in your solicitors possession and a copy sent to his do you release the money.

GSXRCarlos

Julliff,

I'm dissapointed in his attitude, but not suprised by it. I read your most recent post with a wry smile on my face. DD1 has truely seen her father for what he is, which is a shame because no child should have to see that in their parents.

I strongly advise against giving him any money outside of an "official settlement", you still have to protect yours and the interests of the children, over his.

Wait for the solicitor, and take their advice.

And as dinah suggests, make sure any advances you do make are in advance and therefore already included in any future settlements

Primrose

julliff - it does rather sound as if you OH is beginning to get his lightbulb moment about the need to move out which is good but I don't think you should weaken now about giving him any money. I think you are well advised by others on here who suggest not handing out anything without your solicitor's advice and especially that any money eventually handed out should be in the form of an advance against an eventual settlement. Also, why does he need to rent a house or a flat? He needs to face up to the reality about his position. He should settle for a bed sitter, or renting a room in a house which is all that he will be able to afford until he gets himself a job and has a steady income. Surely the realities of this situation must now be starting to dawn on him. I can't see any landlord in their right mind taking him on as a tenant without an employer's reference and a guarantee of regular rent payments being made so once again you need to try and encourage him to get out there and looking for work - any kind of work, so that he has some income coming in.