Am I too controlling over money?

julliff

I can't do it.

I can't be the sponge anymore.

She said this because I tried to hug her. We had not had a row or anything. And she had just been cuddled up with her Dad 10 minutes previously. Even after last week.

I think she just has contempt for me.

I feel so alone.

julliff

I don't feel like I can doanything to make her happy - I just want to run away

Money_maker

She does this because she is hurting and wants you to feel it. She is too young to understand this is hurting all of you in different ways. Teenagers can be so selfish.

You are doing so well. It will get better soon. Apparently all female teenagers do the 'you've ruined my life' routine over the slightest thing (as overheard in a conversation between 2 mums in a bank a few months ago).

Big hugs - you are doing great.

Glitzkiss

Hi Juliff,

Dinah and Money Maker are right and your DD1 is taking out her teenage hormones on you. This will pass like it always does.

Get some you time and remember the stability you are working towards will benefit you and your DDs in the end.

Zazen999

She's certainly pressing all your buttons isn't she?

Like her dad?

Emmzi

julliff,

it's not your job to 'make' her happy. she is at an age where she needs to be responsible for her own emotions. you cannot force anyone to feel anything.

it is your job to creat an environment where she knows she is loved; she knows she is safe; she knows you will support her to develop; and she knows what a woman should put up with, and what she shouldn't put up with. lead by example. how would you feel if her boyfriend was acting like your OH in 10 years time. what would you want her to do?

be proud she feels she can express herself. downtrodden and abused kids retreat into themselves and say nothing. to express her feelings, she has to feel safe.

be proud.

Morglin

julliff wrote: »

Thank you all for your replies.

I am trying to make a go of things, but I just feel really resentful.

I said that he should learn to drive,and he actually said - but we cant really afford it at the moment! I wanted to laugh, because he NEVER says that about anything else, in fact today he said we should go to Belgium in September!

Tonight I asked him if he dad looked into driving lessons and he said "no", I then asked if he was going to and he just shrugged.

That is a big resentment. In fact,last week we had some American friends to stay, and I had to drive them everywhere (I thought they were going to hire a car, but they didn't). On the last day I had to get up at 3.30am to drive them to the airport,and then do a full days work.

OH did come with us, but then joked about how he was going to have a good sleep,when he rang me up at work klater that day. I'm afraid I didn't find that at all amusing.

Hecould apply for loads more jobs if he had a full licence.

Just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone here where I feel so supported, and able to offload.

I think I may explode otherwise.

To be honest, he sounds like a child who's winding up an adult to get attention.:rolleyes:

If you want to persevere, then tell him you're at the end of your tether and you need to be equals - which means him making an effort to find work/training and not spending money you haven't got on EBay.

But, if you can't be bothered and you've lost respect for him, then I should think about where YOU want to be, how you want to live, and make plans for that.

You're not his mother and he needs to stand on his own two feet so that you can support each other.

Good luck.

Lin

January20

I agree 100% with Emmzy and just want to add that the reason she lashes out at you is because deep down she knows how much you love, she knows that you will always be there for her no matter what happens.

You're preparing a better future for them and for yourself, and it seems you are close to the last hurdle. Don't give up now.

thorsoak

Julliff

You have to realise that even if your OH were not pressing DD1's buttons, she would probably still accuse you of "ruining her life". She is a teenager - the oldest in the family and as such she is trying to break free.

Deep down she does love you - and she still needs you to make all the big decisions (for which of course, she can then blame you) - and by letting her know that as a woman she should not have to live with a partner who absolves himself of all responsibility for everything that happens in his life you are giving her strength for the future.

Hang in there, my dear - you are strong - you have been all these years - not much longer now.

vandanfc

Hi J

Stay strong. As others have said this is what your daughter would probably be saying even if you weren't splitting up with her dad. Her hormones are going crazy, she will lash out at the ones she loves. She knows that you will take it and still give her the love she wants, WHEN she wants it.

Go and speak to your solicitor again about getting him an advance on his share of the monies, explain what it is doing to your home life and the children. All down in black and white and legalised.

Then get him out and into rented accom. asap. He will probably need a fair chunk as he will need 6 months rent in advance and 1 months deposit minimum, maybe more.