Am I too controlling over money?

MrsAnnie

Primrose wrote: »

julliff - this is your ONLY chance to get this settlement right. The financial cards do not seem to be stacked in your favour when you are taking all the family responsibility. Please do think very carefully about this while you still have the option.

Very true.

And remember that different solicitors will advise different things. Just becasue one says that you are entitled to x amount, another may say you are entitled to y amount. Nothing is set in stone, it all depends how well your solicitor will fight for your (rightfull) share of the property.

carolan78

I would have to agree with Primrose and Mrs Annie...face facts you will not be getting child maintenance for the foreseeable future from him. Listen to your mum and fight your corner a little more, he will fritter away anything he walks away with, where as if you have the chunk of it they may well be something left for your children one day x

plimsoll

I think it would be hard to now "offer" a different (lower) amount, but you can always get your solicitor to write a letter if he tries to argue it again saying that if he does not accept this offer and takes it to a legal fight you will be after a higher percentage (think you might need to include the offer being without prejudice or somesuch in such a letter). If it did come to court then judge would almost certainly give you more than 50% due to you having the kids.

MrsAnnie

Only difficult on the emotions, but changing a settlement offer can be done if it has not already been accepted and finalised. Knowing that the courts would be on your side and would have probably awarded you a larger percentage is a big advantage. If you have to, you can always argue that you were ill advised.

Don;t want to throw the cat amongest the pigeons here, but I really do think that you need the best possible settlement for yourself and your DDs. As Primrose said this is your only chance to get it right.

Caroline73_2

WHile I do agree that Juliff does need a great settlement, she has been supporting both girls, the household and HIM for a long time. I know when I divorced it was easier mentally to go for a lesser amount (I did 50/50) too just to get it over and done with. I didn't need a fight.

julliff

Hi all

Thanks for your input. I appreciate what you are all saying, but it was ME who suggested 50/50. There are reasons for this, not least of all, as Caroline73 says, I don’t need a fight.

The other things to bear in mind is that the kids need to see their father settled somewhere. Whilst I can’t force OH to use the money sensibly, if he ends up wasting it, and on his uppers, it won’t be because he was kept short. I really can’t believe that he let that flat go by – he won’t find anything else anywhere near as suitable for the money. I realise I will have to work long and hard to recoup my position. I have also taken out some Income Protection.

Another thing is that although I am doing 50/50 on the mortgage & savings, I am keeping all of the money I have in my business. I have just kept quiet about this, and it has grown over the last 6 months to a significant amount, through careful budgeting on my part. I don’t want OH to feel hard done by, and so start sniffing around for more to get his hands on. As we have “separated” for the duration of me building up this money, I see it as mine anyway.

Money_maker

Good on you girl although if you get any inkling that he may visit this forum, you may like to scrub your bottom paragraph.

So good to hear that things are coming along.

JoW123

Hi Juliff. For what it's worth I agree with you about the 50/50 split. I agreed to keep and pay off our joint credit card when I split with my ex partner, even though some of my family and friends felt that he should have paid half. Even though it will take me a while I know I can do it and it was worth it for him to have moved out, and not have to worry about the gambling and the emotional blackmail any longer.

Sometimes the 'right and fair' division of assets isn't always the 'best' one for the person who is desperate to have a life again.

It's 2 months now since he left, and at times it has been very difficult especially as I have been confined to home as one of the children has probable swine flu, but I'd never have him back in a million years now.

Keep going Juliff, you will get there.

annberlin

julliff wrote: »

My Mum keeps telling me I should stick upfor myself in all of this, and stop trying to be reasonable!

I agree with your mum, men are not reasonable in times of divorce.I settled for just £16000 after 32 years of married life just so it could be over and he could keep our home worth £250000(what an idiot I hear you saying) so dont give in to him just for a quiet life, you will regret it later.Lots of hugs to you keep strong

Emmzi

I think paying more than 'fair' to get shot sounds like a total bargain. A drawnout fight for a few thou won't do you early as much good as your freedom. I'd go with your gut feeling on this one.