Am I too controlling over money?

Brighton_belle

Juliffe, just thinking that last thought shows you are toughening up.
He will always find ways to blame you as his very minipulative: just like that superb article you posted for someone else: text book stuff. Just remember, if dd1 goes off, there was another house on your estate he could have had.
On the plus point, he willl be out of your hair. I'm afraid you can't be driving the girls their all the time and that is their dad's deliberate choice to choose somewhere too difficult to reach. I would suggest becasue he isn't a good father. But as you say, he is still their dad, he hasn't died and family life is pretty poor at the mo. Separating just has to be better for you all, him too ultimately.

You are in shock but things are still moving foreward - remember how impossible it seems that he would go voluntarily?
Keep strong and keep posting (even when you don't feel strong- that is fine too: think of us as your own personal greek chorus , on your side:D)

MrsAnnie

julliff wrote: »

I need to toughen up.

Their Dad is not dying - he will still be their Dad. It's not like we have the perfect family (who does?).

I think this says it all! Nobody has a perfect family; not in the real world. He will always be their dad, if he lives 'round the corner or 50 miles away.

You seem to be coping so well lately. Keep it up and hopefully everything will start settling down and life will get easier.

Take care x

julliff

Hi All,

thanks for your messages.

Took the girls over to my Mum's this evening. do you know, my Mum has been more of a parent to my two, I have been really lucky.

When they were younger, she took care of them while I worked. In the holidays she took then all over the place. And she doesn't drive either. Even whe OH was off work, she would take them out, as he always had a reason why he could not.

She used to come over to my house to help out, but she stopped because it became too difficult, because OH was so particular. He even moaned about her putting the loo roll on the wrong way round!

She said that once he goes, she will help me out again. Which will be great, as I do get very tired.

I know that if things get really tough, I can go to her place, and find peace and understanding. she helps me to keep things in perspective

She is my greatest allie (spelling).

I have invited her round for Christmas Dinner, as she is not going away this year. It'll be good to have her around.

And thanks to you all. I hope that sometime soon, I can chat with you all about more mundane stuff - normal stuff. I'm looking forward to that

Take care y'all!

BitterAndTwisted

It's great to see that you're focusing on the positives, Juliff. Good girl.

"This too shall pass" Yep, I think so

consultant31

julliff wrote: »

Hi All,

thanks for your messages.

Took the girls over to my Mum's this evening. do you know, my Mum has been more of a parent to my two, I have been really lucky.

When they were younger, she took care of them while I worked. In the holidays she took then all over the place. And she doesn't drive either. Even whe OH was off work, she would take them out, as he always had a reason why he could not.

She used to come over to my house to help out, but she stopped because it became too difficult, because OH was so particular. He even moaned about her putting the loo roll on the wrong way round!

She said that once he goes, she will help me out again. Which will be great, as I do get very tired.

I know that if things get really tough, I can go to her place, and find peace and understanding. she helps me to keep things in perspective

She is my greatest allie (spelling).

I have invited her round for Christmas Dinner, as she is not going away this year. It'll be good to have her around.

And thanks to you all. I hope that sometime soon, I can chat with you all about more mundane stuff - normal stuff. I'm looking forward to that

Take care y'all!

You obviously have a super Mum. I hope my children will say the same about me in years to come.
I hope you all have a happy and peaceful Christmas:xmastree:

julliff

Hi all

Yes, my Mum has been super. As have you all.

Been feeling very stressed the last few days.

DD1 has been difficult. She makes an absolute mess all over the house, and then when I ask her to clear it up,she says she will, but then carries on watching TV with her Dad. Because he is there all the time, it is really difficult to lay down the law. I am parenting against the tide, so to speak.

I had an absolute head fit at her yesterday, I really lost it. Every Saturday morning I take her to her brass band practice, and I was sat waiting in the car, like her chauffer(!) while she straigtened her hair. WhenI told her to hurry up, she got all beligerent with me. Then she came out to the car and opended the boot.

She said "Where is my horn?" . I said I didn't knw, and she said "Well thanks for all the help then" in a REALLY sarcastic tone. I blew my top! I yelled at her "I help you more than any other person in the world".


She did text "Sorry" to me later, but then last night, she got out all the old photos and took them down to the front room. I told her not to leave them lying about, and she said she would not, and yes, you've guessed it, they are all over the front room.

The house is quite minging, because no-one helps me, and I am unmotivated whilst OH is still around. I keep the kitchen clean, but the rest of it - well Quentin Crisp would be proud.

DD2 would help me, and does, but I don't want her to be the only one - it does not seem fair.

Added to that DD2 is ill, and I don't know what to do. She was at a sleepover, and she texted me to come and bring her home. She has a really bad stomach pain, and is finding it hard to move. she was really sick last night, but this morning she says she doesn't feel sick, but still has the pain. I'm worried it is appendicitis, and am thinking maybe I should take her up to A&E.

Oh yes, and when I brought DD2 home, OH called to her from the front room, but she was so ill, she went upstairs straightaway. I kept giving the two in the front room updates, but OH did not come upstairs to see her. I think he was sulking becuse she didn't go into front room. Well, we wouldn't want hin to move, would we?

Work has been incredibly demanding - I am involved in the design of a new IT system, and have to come up with an infrastructure design & documentation by next Friday. So , all in all, I am feeling pretty anxious, and have been taking Kalms, to stop me feeling so edgy all the time. Finding it so hard to relax. Maybe I should take up yoga?

Sorry to go on, but once I have typed this all up, I do feel somewhat purged.

Zazen999

Keep purging Juliff.

I have to tell you, that the day you are finally 'OH-less' I will be cracking open some fine wine here to celebrate. I would not be as strong as you so keep going - you'll get there soon.

xxx

Dinah93

Hi Juliff,

The test for appendicitis is really simple, place one hand completely flat on her belly, halfway between her hip bone and her belly button, place the other hand over the top of this one but in the opposite direction, forming a sort of 'X'. Press down quite firmly for about 5 seconds (and i mean quite firm, there needs to be pressure) then quickly remove your hands. If she basically cries in pain when you remove your hands, ie it hurts more when the pressure is removed, you need to take her down to hospital as its an indication of inflamation.

Ofc if she gets worse or you are really worried its more serious than a tummy bug take her down anyway. Sickness or diahorrea is not present in all appendix cases by any means, often the only symptoms people have are pain usually with a fever or intermittent chills as well.

Dinah x

BitterAndTwisted

In appendicitis the pain often (but not always) starts on the left-hand side and moves to the right. I remember this from when I had the condition as a child. In my case. I was severely constipated for quite a long time before the pain started. If you are in any doubt whatsoever please do take DD2 to A&E, preferably before this evening when they will be contending with all the drunks but they do see children asap as I'm sure you're aware.

Keep going Juliff! Keep going!

pebbles88

with my appendix i was poorly on and off for about 6 months.

very bad pain in tummy, but nothing else..... my mum thought i was just trying to get off school!!