Am I too controlling over money?

vandanfc

Hi

Glad things seem to be getting resolved slowly but surely.

Remember to put the needs of your daughters and you FIRST. Your daughters NEED you to provide for them. He CHOOSES to let you provide for him, he is old enough to take care of himself if he chooses to, currently he chooses not to, but this is NOT YOUR PROBLEM.

I would not have him live that close either, I don't see that a lot will change in your life if this happens. You need distance, in order to be free to come and go as you want and have some sort of life without his beady eyes spying on your every move.

Take care. Hugs.

Vanda

Dinah93

At the end of the day what he does with his share is his call, I'd hate having him over the road, would feel completely trapped - changing the locks would be the first thing I did! However he has to accept money doesn't grow on trees and he has two choices, rent and live off the settlement money, or buy and find a job!

julliff

I totally agree about OH moving across road – it really is too close for comfort.

But, I don’t think it will happen. Or house was values today at 10K higher than mate over the roads, so by the time you take out mortgage, half of the equity will not cover paying MOR’s girlfriend, and half of their o/s mortgage. Like I said he does not live in the real world.

Anyway, I am sitting here quietly seething.

Came in from work and OH is sitting watching Jerry Springer with DD1. What a great influence he is – NOT. Also, he has ramped up the spending on ebay. I think he is thinking he has won the lottery with all that money that is coming to him. What a selfish, greedy pig. Never mind about paying any bills here, or providing for his children – he spends it on beer,fags and ebay.

Worst of it is, the kids will still feel sorry for him when he is out of here.

He did do a bit of housework today – well we need the Estate Agent to give a high valuation, so that he can get his hands on more lolly.

I feel like SCREAMING!


Oh yes, and on Sunday OH went out to play pool. DD1 said (not in a confrontational way, I hasten to add) “Well at least he has got a social life. I would think he was proper sad if he never went out”.


AAAAARRRRRGGGH

MrsAnnie

Not that I am advocating spending but do you have a Tesco Extra or a Boots nearby? Could you not go and take a long, slow meander through the aisles just to get away from the house when you feeling like this? Looking for bargins or at the Christmas goodies being put on the shelves must be better than sitting at home seething!

Or even going for a brisk walk? A friends house for a cuppa?


It will only be a matter of time before your DDs realise who is keeping a roof over their heads and putting food on the table.

Hang in there Julliff :hello:

Caroline73_2

I would imagine the girls will think he's a complete ****bag when Juliff has got them nice presents for Christmas and he hasn't got them anything.

thats a great idea to go out and Christmas shop Mrs Annie.

plimsoll

I've only just seen this (mostly cos not come on this forum before last couple of days lol) and soooo wish I'd seen in July cos you *could* have had him out of house then via an Occupation Order (sol was slacking not knowing about it! basically it's a temporary order saying who can & can't live in a jointly-owned/rented house pending formal decision e.g. outcome of divorce proceedings - generally granted to whoever gets in first though if both got to court at same time judge would decide relative merits).

Anyway, I'll echo what others have said you don't have to offer 50/50 if kids are likely to stay with you. If you decide to there's nothing to stop you but you don't have to.

As for him - from everything you've said he is most definitely abusive - there doesn't have to be physical violence for it to be Domestic Violence. I would thoroughly recommend the Freedom Programme (though you may not find it at a suitable time with working) and the book that is based on it "Living with the Dominator" by Pat Craven - there's also a section in there on how domestic abuse affects children inc teenagers, and benefits to them of leaving.

Hope that you stay strong :grouphug: sounds like you're doing really well!!

julliff

Hi all,

Thanks for your responses.

I liked the idea of going out to mooch around some shops! However, OH decided he was going to MOR’s house to watch football, so I ended up staying in. The fact that he went out cheered me up though, and had a peaceful evening with the girls.

I have also lined up some stuff for the weekend – Sat pm taking girls into town. They are going to look round the shops while I have a chat with my (business) bank manager. I need to take out some critical illness cover, as the sole breadwinner in my family.

Then on Sunday, I am off to Hampton Court with one of my sisters and our kids. Really looking forward to that.

Got second Estate Agent coming today. I don’t think OH was too impressed with the first – wants valuation to be higher! No surprise there then.

Oh yes, and I am going out tonight with a group of work mates – should be good, they are a really great bunch. This is the first time I have been “out” out (on my own) for months.

msb5262

You're sounding better, Juliff. Very glad you're off out tonight - have a lovely time.
MsB

Lets_Say_2

Juliff glad to see that things are progressing steadily for you.

I note you are talking about seeing the bank about critical illness cover - I am no expert, but my understanding is that generally anything bought through a bank will be dearer than using an IFA - and I have just looked at Martin's notes about this and he states he is not a fan of critical illness cover (he prefers level term assurance plus income protection) so please look into this carefully.

Brighton_belle

you are doing really well juliffe - that's a great pattern you have observed with dd1 and I hope it helps you cope with her future ups and downs.
Also, you are legitimately angry at your OH actions/lack of actions and draining as it is, it hope it helps you hold on to why you are doing this, rather than the numb feelings and pity that bring doubt.

Re the crit illness thing - I actally work for an IFA and if my current health didn't preclude me, I would personally get some. We have had a number of clients who have benefitted from it and have had payouts on diagnosis, as well as a number who have 'kept meaning to do it' and then get diagnosed with cancer or whatever and it is too late. I do think an IFA is a better option, because they are not pushing one banks products. It is also very very important you tell the complete truth as companies do look for easy ways out. I am not qualified in any way, so this is not advice by the way - it is purely my opinion. I work for a very ethical IFA so to me, I have a very positive view of them. There is no doubt that out there there will be crit illness policies not worth the paper they are written on.

I think you are right to think of these issues.

Your weekend sounds like it is going to be lovely. Hope you had a good time tonight. Great stuff.