Am I too controlling over money?

viktory

pelirocco wrote: »

He's a grown man dont you think he should have 'learnt ' by now? :rolleyes:

Actually, I don't think he has been given a chance.

julliff

viktory

Whilst I appreciate that you can only go by what hsa been written, this simply is not true.

He just wont get involved in anything he doesn't care to - be that learning to drive, I have asked him many times, and even pointed out how much more indpendent he would be.


The bills - I had a health scare last year, and I said he should sit with me and see what is what financially, so that he would be able to carry on, if the worst came to the worst - he just wont.


I could go on, but there is little point, as you have already formed your opinion, to which you are entitled.

squirrelchops

Men can become very down when they dont have a job but it is no excuse for him not to get off his !!!! and do something aobut it.

My OH was made redundant last June at 2pm, by 3pm he had a job lined up contracting as he had a good reputation for himself.

Admitteldy the market is tough at the moment. I am a mature student am am struggling to find a summer job this year. After tomorrow I am done until the end of September. We can survive if i dont work but as a contingency we have the 'if I cant earn i wont spend plan' in place. The list of household stuff to do is big but will mean I am not out and about getting bored and spending money. We have agreed I will visit friends as a cheap day out or have the to stay to stop me going stir crazy in my own company as i enjoy the routine of work.

Soudn like your OH really needs to get a daily routine going to keep him occupied and off the internet. I am an awful interent surfer so when i have essay deadlines I make OH take the interent connection with him to work as i honestly dont have the self control to just not use it!!! Awful to admit that but stops me mindlessley wasting time when I should be working!!

seven-day-weekend

julliff wrote: »

thanks for the replies.

I accept your comments about treating him like a child by giving him pocket money, but when we decided on this, it was that we were both oing to take a fixe d amount of money each week as "spends"- only I never spent mine so I stopped taking it.

In te early days we were really broke, so it seemed like a good idea.

So,shall I just give him the new pin, and then see how it goes? It makes me nervous, because he likes to spend so much, but doesn't take any interest in the bills!

I mean, how do I achieve the equal partnership?

You might never achieve the equal partnership. Some people are never very 'savvy' about money. It is just not a gift they have been given. Like some peoople are good at DIY, oythers not.

However, I would not physically give him pocket money, as I think that is demeaning and treating him like a child. What I would do is open a new account that JUST his spending money can go into. Then he can have his PIN number just for that account. If he forgets it, or loses it, then let him sort it out (or not, as the case may be).

You alone should have a card for the housekeeping account and then he can't touch it.

Once he sees that his money won't get him what he wants, he may be more inclined to look for a job.

julliff

Well, have told him about the new account, so that is the first hurdle over. I haven't said anything about dividing the bills as I want to take this one step at a time.

I am getting edgy about the ebat cc bill - it is now up to £440. I am holding back, as if he is to start taking responsibilty, it is no good me jumping in straight away. I suspect he will max it out, and then end up paying loads of interest. But, as it has been pointed out, I am not his mother.

MrsAnnie

julliff wrote: »

I suspect he will max it out, and then end up paying loads of interest. But, as it has been pointed out, I am not his mother.

Isn't this credit card in YOUR name? I would be inclined to cancel it, if you are thinking that he may max it out. You don't want to be ultimately responsible for his debts? Do you?

The_Banker_5

pelirocco wrote: »

The poster is probably your oh , going by his user name lol;)

I dont get any pocket money so I doubt it.:D

BallandChain

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

You might never achieve the equal partnership. Some people are never very 'savvy' about money. It is just not a gift they have been given. Like some peoople are good at DIY, oythers not.

However, I would not physically give him pocket money, as I think that is demeaning and treating him like a child. What I would do is open a new account that JUST his spending money can go into. Then he can have his PIN number just for that account. If he forgets it, or loses it, then let him sort it out (or not, as the case may be).

You alone should have a card for the housekeeping account and then he can't touch it.

Once he sees that his money won't get him what he wants, he may be more inclined to look for a job.

Surely opening a bank account for her husband is just as demeaning and treating him like a child? The man needs to start taking responsibility by getting a job and opening his own bank account. Do some people really need their hands holding?

seven-day-weekend

BallandChain wrote: »

Surely opening a bank account for her husband is just as demeaning and treating him like a child? The man needs to start taking responsibility by getting a job and opening his own bank account. Do some people really need their hands holding?

Maybe it is. I always open our bank accounts so I didn't see it as demeaning. I can see how it might be taken that way though.

And yes, some people DO need their hands holding.

I do agree he should look for a job.

julliff

Surely opening a bank account for her husband is just as demeaning and treating him like a child?

I sort of laughed when I read this. He has had 20 years to open a bank account, but hasn't.

Also, when I saw that to ope a bank account, he would need to take two froms of id to a professional to get then certified, I knew I was on to a loser, as he would just not go.

So, in the end I have decided to use a second joint account that we have, which is not used for much, and just get myself taken off the account.

Its a bit of a chicken and egg situation. I have, in the past, waited for him to do stuff, and he just doesn't, so then I have to, for the sake of the family. No amount of reasoning or discussing seems to work.

He knows I only have work until the end of July, but still chooses to carry on spending on ebay. You cant reason with someone like that. Believe me, I have tried.