Am I too controlling over money?

GSXRCarlos

you could suggest it to him for the reasons you've posted, but do not force it on him. and certainly don't buy it outright.

He needs to consider claiming benefits, if he is seen to own the place outright, he could just sell it and Fcuk you up even more

Emmzi

I also say no to the house.

get your solicitor to sort your money out. then he can do what he likes with 'his' share.

he will only whinge to the kids about being forced into a shithole fixer upper while you are in luxury yadda yadda yadda

scubaangel

I'm actually surprised you're even thinking about buying him a flat - I know if I was divorcing I wouldnt be giving my ex a home for nothing and certainly with what we know of your ex he would assume it as a 'right' to be housed by you as it seems he has been for so long already.

Let him find his own home, and rent until the divorce settlement is arranged, then he can buy somewhere with his part of any settlement funds. IMHO buying him a flat would simply allow him to carry on as he is to a degree in not taking responsibility for himself and his own finances.

MrsAnnie

GSXRCarlos wrote: »

He needs to consider claiming benefits, if he is seen to own the place outright, he could just sell it and Fcuk you up even more

Emmzi wrote: »

he will only whinge to the kids about being forced into a shithole fixer upper while you are in luxury yadda yadda yadda

I think both of these senarios may very well happen in the future given how he has treated you recently.

Past behaviour is a really good indicator of future behaviour, especially if there is no desire by him to change. And lets face it you would not be filing for divorce if you knew that he was trying his upmost to save the marriage and change his appalling behavoiur toward you and the girls.

julliff

Thanks for your replies.

I did mention it to OH, and his reply was pretty much as you all predicted:

That area is a sh*thole and “I couldn’t live in a flat”.

Anyway, he has already been out to Estate Agents and has seen a house in the next street up to us which is about £5K more, and has a large garden.
At least he is doing something.

I almost laughed when he said he had an appointment with a financial advisor tomorrow.

Can imagine him walking in and FI saying “my advice - get a job”. Sorry, that is a bit mean.

Dinah93

Lol that made me laugh. FI is going to say ' get a job, and a solicitor, I can't advise on a divorce!!!'

Emmzi

if he's been to an EA he's already accepted you are splitting, so that's half the battle over.

expect it to get nasty when he realised how much finanical trouble he is in. but - his problem.

MrsAnnie

julliff wrote: »

Thanks for your replies.

I did mention it to OH, and his reply was pretty much as you all predicted:

That area is a sh*thole and “I couldn’t live in a flat”.

Anyway, he has already been out to Estate Agents and has seen a house in the next street up to us which is about £5K more, and has a large garden.
At least he is doing something.

I almost laughed when he said he had an appointment with a financial advisor tomorrow.

Can imagine him walking in and FI saying “my advice - get a job”. Sorry, that is a bit mean.

Could he be speaking to the FI about your generous offer? Maybe he is going to be chucking in the extra £5000 himself.

Lets_Say_2

Hi Julliff hope you are feeling a bit easier today. Crumbs, that is amazing, he has been to see an EA! As others have said, that at least is a good sign, that he has accepted the split. I also think you should speak to a solicitor before offering monetary amounts, but then again it is your decision and what you feel comfortable with.

MrsAnnie

Lets_Say wrote: »

Hi Julliff hope you are feeling a bit easier today. Crumbs, that is amazing, he has been to see an EA! As others have said, that at least is a good sign, that he has accepted the split. I also think you should speak to a solicitor before offering monetary amounts, but then again it is your decision and what you feel comfortable with.

Julliff, Just please don't offer the money out of guilt or feeling sorry for him.