Am I too controlling over money?

julliff

Hi all.

Got a draft of the letter from the solicitor, and it is well worded, and does not imply anyting re the kids, just that the children must be the priority, but not directly involved in the divorce discussions.

Tomorrow is my wedding anniversary, and the bad part of me wants to tell OH about the divorce then. He has ruined so, so many of what should have been happy occasions (my birthday, christmas, family weddings etc,etc), it just seems fitting.

I am absolutely terrified. My main concern is that the kids will not understand my position. To them I am going to be forcing OH to leave when he has no money, and no job. And there fore I am cruel. They will not see that he is supposed to be grown up, and should be able to fend for himself. That he has had 6 months to look for another job, and has not even tried; that he has spent £5000 in about 10 weeks, mostly on himself, and not contributed to the good of the family.

And they will feel sorry for him, and I will be hated.

I am listening to the radio,they are playing loads of records from the 80's. Makes me sad. Life was so much simpler then. I was not responsible for anyone back then.

I am also terrified because OH will go bananas. He will pull out all the stops to villify me.

DD1 a bit better today - but that is the lull before the stormI think.

Brighton_belle

can't stop julifee - emergency decorating as lodgers moved out and need new one asap... but couldn't read and run. Just sending (((HUGS))) and confident others will be a long with wiser words than my tired brain can offer tonight.
Understand your fears and suspect they are well founded re your husbands response and the children's view of things. Perhaps plan your 'repeat record' response to the kids re your husband.
Well done though for reaching this far and believing you deserve a better quality of life, because you do.

carolan78

Been reading for a while Juliff but never posted, just wanted to give you a huge (((((hug))))).

I know for younger children theres story books you can buy to try help them through tough things like parents divorcing...is there anything like that for teens? Or maybe even family councilling to help them come to terms with it, even if oh won't participate it well help you and you dd1 x

evenasus

juliff - I've only just read your thread tonight.

I think you are an amazingly strong person.
You have given all and received back... nothing from your OH.
Stick to your guns and I'm positive you will come out the other side a very capable, confident and happier woman.
Your daughters too, will, I'm sure, eventually be more content too.

Oh, and back to the title of the thread - NO, you are not too controlling over money?

Emmzi

just hugs honey - an emotional day in so many ways.

it's ok to love who he used to be. we all change. and you have grown, and that is ok too.

stay strong
xx

BitterAndTwisted

Stand firm Juliff! You know the path you must take, you have enumerated the reasons so many, many times. It will be hard in the short-term but it will be so much better for you and your girls in the long-term.. This is the hardest part coming up but I have no doubt whatsoever that you are making the right decision.

Primrose

I'll be thinking of you. Reaching this point is a real milestone and there will be lots of people on here thinking of you. I think once the act has been done you will feel enormous relief. Hopefully getting things out into the open will mark the point where your OH has to face up to reality and at least the stress of having to live with a secret will be removed from you.

Seraphseven

julliff wrote: »

Hi all.

Got a draft of the letter from the solicitor, and it is well worded, and does not imply anyting re the kids, just that the children must be the priority, but not directly involved in the divorce discussions.

Tomorrow is my wedding anniversary, and the bad part of me wants to tell OH about the divorce then. He has ruined so, so many of what should have been happy occasions (my birthday, christmas, family weddings etc,etc), it just seems fitting.

I am absolutely terrified. My main concern is that the kids will not understand my position. To them I am going to be forcing OH to leave when he has no money, and no job. And there fore I am cruel. They will not see that he is supposed to be grown up, and should be able to fend for himself. That he has had 6 months to look for another job, and has not even tried; that he has spent £5000 in about 10 weeks, mostly on himself, and not contributed to the good of the family.

And they will feel sorry for him, and I will be hated.

I am listening to the radio,they are playing loads of records from the 80's. Makes me sad. Life was so much simpler then. I was not responsible for anyone back then.

I am also terrified because OH will go bananas. He will pull out all the stops to villify me.

DD1 a bit better today - but that is the lull before the stormI think.

Juliff! I haven't posted in a while but i've still been reading, can i just say as a man I was astounded that your Dh could act like such a child, this short sharp shock will hopefully wake him up to the responsibilities of being a father and even though you won't still be together hopefully he will learn to become a responsible dad,

Also your DD2 seems so much more mature than he does and your DD1 is clearly scared of the unknown; You are absolutely doing the right thing here for both you and your DD's

We have all watched as you have carried on fighting for your right to a happy life can I just say, and i'm sure I can speak for pretty much everyone else that has followed this thread,

We are so proud of you, well done for staying strong, you are absolutely and unequivocally doing the right thing and we hope that once all is done and dusted you can finally settle into your happier new life knowing you have done the right thing.:A

julliff

Thank you all for your fantastic support.

Today, I have been crying a lot. It is my wedding anniversary. I am not sad about my marriage, I am just scared that OH and/or kids will do something for the anniversary.

It will be very sad for the girls if they do, and also sad for them if OH does, because it is not going to change anything, as far as I am concerned.

I don’t want to go home today, I feel sick with the thought of walking in to a bunch of flowers or something.

How will I handle it? As I said, it will just look like I am the heartless one, when OH is trying. Or, if the kids do something, it will be too sad. Hope it is just ignored.


On a more positive note, I have got an appointment with a counsellor who specialises in divorce counselling. Not til next week though.

She did tell me that difficulties with DD2 are magnified. She said it is like when you decide you want to buy a yellow car. Suddenly there seem to be loads of yellow cars on the road. She wants me to keep a journal of all positive feedback from my children, no matter how small.

I may slip off from work early, and go home via my Mums house – I think she is back from her trip.

Thanks again, it is your support which is helping me to stay strong.

scubaangel

Good luck and hugs J.