Am I too controlling over money?

Dinah93

Agree with Zazan. Cancel the subscription, he's taking the micky out of you.

Your daughter is learning to manipulate, just like daddy. She may not know thats what shes doing, but she should not be the one holding all the cards.

Realistically you can't go back at this point, you have no respect for him and your household is a nightmare with constant strained arguements and tensions. My OH was about DD1s age when his parents seperated, he didn't want them to at the time but he'll readily admit he's glad they did now as his dad is a lot happier now and he didn't even see how miserable he was at the time. His mum, nothing really changed for her by the divorce, and while it wouldn't have been her choice she has made her peace with it and has a very full life.

Your DD1 has had a whole week with your ex, only hearing his side of the story. He has clearly treated her like a friend and an adult rather than a daughter and a child, so I would suggest taking her aside, preferably out for dinner or something not in the house, and explain your side of things to her, and why you have to do this as you are scared they won't have a house to come back to, he is disrespectful, and honestly you don't love him anymore. She is going to kick up a fuss, but she seems to be struggling and since she seems to think she has an equal say in if it happens, you need to be clear that she doesn't, but tell her why you are doing it as no doubt your ex has spent a week reminding her of what a great dad he is (hah!)

julliff

Hi All

Thanks for the messages.

It is really going to be hard to speak to DD1 about anything, as she is barely speaking to me, and looks at me as if I am evil, never mind her mother who is trying to do her best.

I came in and said hello,and she just informed me that she is going to guides tonight.

I have retreated upstairs.

DD2 is friendly, at least I have that.

Brighton_belle

juliffe - can only send my support - this is so so hard and horrible.
And you do deserve your dd2: she sounds lovely.

If you can, you need to get a few, clear, unemotional facts clear in your mind to tell dd1 when appropriate. Daddy is clearly playing the kids off against you. It is unfair, but that is how he is going to be. I hope you are able to cancel the sky package. If it is in your name, then you can say it was not done with your permission.

I know being cool and calm with dd1 would be best in a perfect world, but nobody is able to cope with as much as you are without blowing a gasket some times. And maybe it does not real harm for her to see you hurting and angry. Better than the cold silent treatment.

If dd1 is going to be difficult, then at least have the pleasure of not living with your 'husband', so the rest of your life is peaceful and financially safe, becasue she is is going to be hard work what ever you do me thinks.

Emmzi

julliff, being a parent isn't about being popular. you can't be best mates all the time.

focus on the big life lessons you are teaching them.

now - who do you have to help you through this, that isn't your DDs? It's a huge responsibility for them. I think you need a relative or friend to support you, so they can be kids, and not your friend. Does that make sense?

julliff

oh, emmzi - I know. It is just that I have spent the last however long trying so,so hard to make rveryone happy, and now I fell so miserable, and the people I have cared for could not give a fig about MY happiness. (except dd2),

What an idiot I have been, all these years. I neve wanted it to end up this way.

I want to run away.

Well, I can't so maybe I will go in the bath, and then DD2 wont see me crying "AGAIN"

My Mum has gone down to my sisters in Devon, and there is no-one I can just call on, really.

That is why this forum is so, important to me. Sorry, I should just stop feeling sorry for myself.

You have all been so kind, Thank you :A

julliff

OK, I have just read my last post - maybe DD1 is right - I am pathetic.

So, good things I have done today -

Days contract work - on a daily rate, so just thinking about that makes me glad
30 mins on wii personal trainer - cardio.
Made dinner with DD2, a nice sharing experience.
Now running myself a lovely, aromatherapy bath.

Like PollyAnna says - find something to be glad about.

PS - Pathetic OH - DD2 says over dinner - what have you done today Dad? Response - "I put the dishwasher on!" (I emptied it)

Keeping_Positive

A 14 year old girl is a nightmare at the best of times so dont let her emotional strops get to you anymore than your Hubbies did. Time to split and she will see in the long run it was for the best. Please dont beat yourself up you are doing so well and I love the positive list you have done

msb5262

Juliff,
You're doing really well and I'm knocked out by your strength and patience as you try to move this situation on to the only way forward.
My DS1 is 15, DD 13 & DS2 nearly 11, and I've been divorced from their dad for the last 4 years. You must try to remember that teenagers are totally revolting sometimes, whatever their situation - I think that your DD1 is just behaving like a normal teenager. She's pressing all your buttons, when you're feeling particularly anxious and desperate. Your relationship with her will come through this and will thrive in the future.
Bear in mind, as others have said, that part of your role is to demonstrate to your daughters how to live your life honestly and honourably. You are doing this in spades; unfortunately their dad isn't.
When my adolescents are driving me mad, I mostly use the broken record technique - give a quiet, reasoned answer and keep repeating the same answer. Don't lose your temper if you can possibly avoid it, but remember that teenagers are hard-wired to wind you up.
Keep going, we're with you...
best wishes
MsB x

msb5262

Pathetic OH - DD2 says over dinner - what have you done today Dad? Response - "I put the dishwasher on!"

Blimey, he's coming on. It must have used up at least 20 calories for him to press that button!
You, on the other hand, are clearly not pathetic. Enjoy your bath.
MsB

Brighton_belle

Some great opinions and advice being offered :T.
And Juliffe, you are definitely not pathetic - we are here so that you can wail to someone as well as bounce ideas off and get support.
Wailing is allowed; get your despair off your chest - it is great to also see you pick yourself up and make a positives list:T.