Am I too controlling over money?

Keeping_Positive

Be strong and keep going now he is just using the kids. Ask your DD why you arent allowed to be happy?

January20

Juliff, if I remember correctly DD1 is 14-15, isn't she? Well, she may love her dad but she is also old enough to understand a lot of things. Yes, you want to protect her, I am sure, but what about you? If you are not honest with your daughter how is she going to understand your point of view? You have a right to tell her you have given your husband plenty of chances. You have a right to explain certain things to her so that she doesn't just see her father's point of view.

Stop protecting everybody but yourself. And by the way, breaking down in front of your child makes them realise that you are human and have feelings too so don't feel you have to hold it all together 100% of the time.

BitterAndTwisted

Dear Juliff,

DO NOT FALTER! You know what you need to do and you've been doing it. Of course the idea of their parents splitting up is frightening for your girls, it's natural to be worried about the unknown but everything is going to be fine. You are in control now and should not be swayed from the path you are on. Your husband has had plenty of opportunity to manipulate your DD while away and I'm certain that he's been painting himself as the innocent, injured party in all this. Only you know the truth. It might be time to consider taking your daughters into your confidence and telling them exactly why you have come to the decision you have made. As long as you try to reassure them that nothing will stand in the way of them being loved by Dad and that they will always have a relationship with him if that's what they want, everything should be fine. That you and your husband cannot find a way forward together is regrettable and very sad for you but not their fault. Change can be frightening but sometimes change can be for the better, for all of you.

Stand firm: you're doing fantastically well! If you don't believe that just read your first few posts on this thread and see how far you have come. It's only natural to have doubts and fears, if you didn't have them you'd not be human and the strain of it all can be so exhausting I do appreciate that but you know it's going to be for the best in the long-term for all of you and you can do this, you know you can.

Emmzi

do you really want your daughters to know it's ok to stick with a manipulative !!!!?

think about what you are teaching them about standing up for themselves.

julliff

Thanks for all of you replies.

I know I need to be strong, but it is so, so hard.

I messed up this morning.

Yesterday afternoon DD1 had a concert. OH says he didn’t know about the concert, and has someone coming round so can’t come. I was glad he wasn’t coming, but really it was a bit off, as it was only a neighbour, coming round to watch the football! He could have cancelled that if he wanted to. Added to that, he got on the phone and added sky sports to our package, even though it is ion my name, and he is contributing nothing! He said “well, it is cheaper than going out to watch it” – well it would be wouldn’t it. I should have taken issue with this, but now DD1 is back on my case, I am not feeling so strong.

Yesterday morning she said “You lied to me; you said it was a mutual decision and it was not”. I asked her what her dad had been saying and she said nothing. Yeah, right. He has had her to himself for days, and I am sure he has been saying allsorts.

Things came to a bit of a head this morning. Yesterday, I cooked a roast dinner, and left OHs in oven, as beer and football mate was still round when we were eating.

This morning, DD2 found it , and only bits of it had been eaten. When she pointed it put, I said (in an irritated voice), no, he didn’t eat much – what a waste. Well, DD1 was in the hall eavesdropping and said – you don’t have to talk about Dad so mean, and repeated what I had said, but with about times more venom in her voice. Well, I lost it then, and told her to give me back the pocket money I had just given her, and get it off her Dad. She called me pathetic, and I told her to leave me alone. Oh, why did I lose control.

Went upstairs and DD2 was crying, and so was I. I’m afraid I messed up there and told her that soon we would be divorcing, I even told her how I was feeling and that her Dad was not contributing anything. I said quite a few things, it just came out. Poor her. I told her I would try to keep that house and that I would always look after her – but if she chooses to stay with her Dad I would respect that. She made me promise to stop crying. She is so sweet.

She sent me a txt saying “thanks for the lift. I love you lots. Have a nice day – see you when you get home”. She is brilliant, I don’t deserve her.

I’m afraid I left the house without speaking to DD1 – I just find it so hard to deal with.


I feel so alone.

Emmzi

the fact that OH is playing them off against you shows that he is behaving in a venemous way. Use this to strengthen your resolve. your kids deserve better,

Primrose

julliff - it would take the patience of a saint not to react occasionally to incidents which happen, especially when you are under such stress. Don't beat yourself up about them. In due course, as events proceed, they will fade back into their right proportions. Accept that you will not get it right 100% of the time. You are not Mother Teresa. You are a dedicated Mum under a great deal of pressure and you are doing a great job to do the best for your children. You will win through in the end.

julliff

Thank Emmzi – that is what I think.

If he really wanted to stop what was going on, he would be trying to get a job, learning to drive, doing more stuff, and less drinking.

Using the kids to try to make me the baddie, and make me back down seems to me that he just wants to sit tight and keep hold of his meal ticket. I don’t even think it is for the kids, otherwise he would have made more of and effort to go to the concert yesterday, wouldn’t he? Just seems like beer and football come first!!

julliff

thanks Primrose

Your kind words have brought tears to my eyes!

Better knock that on the head - I am at work:eek:

Zazen999

Juliff - exactly - you are at work. Working. To keep your family with a roof over their head, food in their bellies and sky sports on the box....oh hang on - that's not why you're working is it? Scratch the last one.

You can't listen to anything DD1 says - she thinks she is an adult but is still a child. She's not the one working hard and then throwing away good food.


You ARE cancelling that subscription today, aren't you? And telling Sky that you and only you will be communicating with them in future.