Am I too controlling over money?

Dinah93

Has he handed in the form to Nationwide?

Good on you with paypal!

So, so proud of you for going to the solicitor. I would ask the solicitor when you should tell your husband, personally I would probably let the letter do the talking - unless you are worried he could get violent in which case I would break it to him gently.

julliff

Hi thanks forreplies.

scubaangel - I think it will be a shock to him. I think he thinks we can carry on like this- in fact I think he is not looking for a job on purpose, so he has an excuse as to why he cant leave, and I have to keep him.

dinah93 - I handed in the form myself.

And you have lost more weight - way to go!!! what is your secret?

BitterAndTwisted

Welcome back Juliff! I've been wondering how you're getting on and am SO glad the job's going well. GO YOU!

Do you know, in your position I wouldn't tell OH that you're going to see a solicitor at all. Not till you're in full possession of the facts about how to try and secure financial security for yourself and your girls. I really don't think he deserves any kind of forewarning at all. Also, from what you've described I doubt he'll face up to the facts until he has to. The berk won't even get a flipping job with financial disaster staring him in the face and I doubt that he's prepared or even able to change.

Good luck!

Dinah93

julliff wrote: »

Hi thanks forreplies.

scubaangel - I think it will be a shock to him. I think he thinks we can carry on like this- in fact I think he is not looking for a job on purpose, so he has an excuse as to why he cant leave, and I have to keep him.

dinah93 - I handed in the form myself.

And you have lost more weight - way to go!!! what is your secret?

Well that excuse won't wash with a solicitor, acting like a child doesn't make you one!

I record everything I eat on foodfocus.co.uk, really helps me keep track of if I'm over or under, and I like all the graphs and charts telling me I'm doing well!

julliff

Hiall,

Thanks for your encouraging replies.

I did tell my Mum, she was really calm and really supportive. I said to her, dont get all bitter and twisted on my behalf, and dont worry about me, She said -

"I am not worried because it is you - you are so capable. when you came back from Italy (Iwas an au pair) you had nothing, and look at you now".

- I was so chuffed.

(I didn't mention that two months earlier I had contemplated chucking myself off the balcony at work!).

Emmzi

you are doing brilliantly juliffe. Thinking about the hard conversations you need to have, will turn out to be so much worse than actually having them.

Good luck.

Dinah93

Hope today goes well for you x

Brighton_belle

great stuff juliffe:T. And how wonderful to be reassured you chose the right job - that shows that thinking things through and trusting your instints works well and you end up making good judgements for you.

I'm in the camp for not telling OH til you have seen the solicitor and sorted out in your own head what needs to be done to make you and girls safe.
Big well done on deleting your card and the jount account thingy:T:T. Keep building walls round any access he has to your income and anywhere he can cause havoc and leave you with a mess.

It is hard for the lO - she sounds a delightful dd to have. Just hang on to the fact that you are giving her ultimately a happier secure home life by separating: and this doesn't stop her father being a decent dad just because he lives elsewhere. Only he can decide what sort of father he will be.

Good luck with the solicitor.

julliff

Hi all

Thanks foryour comments!

I am feeling like I have been knocked down again.

OH & DD1 came back last night. DD1 said she had a great time. OH bought her a new dress - even though she had a brand bew dress with her. I know I should be glad that he sent some moneyon her, I felt cross.

However, it is mainly because, after OH had gone out, and DD2 was asleep. DD1 asked me if I stilll loved OH. I truthfully answred - No. She then pleaded with me to try again, because she cant bear to see her Dad upset and hurt. She said - he is my dad and I love him. I told her that of course she loves him.

She asked me to give him one last chance - I wanted to say, I have been giving him chances for years, and he has just destroyed my love - but I didn't.

I feel like I am back at square one.

Meeting with solicitor was really good last week, but now I am scared to progress things. There is no manual for how to cope with teenage children in a separarion, is there?

Oh, yes - and he was really keen to show us all the "shameful (his word) photo of him drunk in a chair at the wedding - to the point of unconsiousness. Not very ashamed then, I guess. In fact quite proud.

I feel sick with the anxiety. just when I was feeling so strong.

Zazen999

Julliff.

I'm not being funny, but your DD may not like to see her dad upset, but what about you? You probably hold it together too well for anyone to see what is really going on. I'm sure if you got upset in front of them then they might see a different side of things. But you don't, you hold it together.

Both your DDs would probably be upset themselves if you lost the roof over your head because of him.

You have to be the adult here and make bigger decisions that yes, will affect your DD's lives, but will be better for all in the long term.

I suspect he is manipulating them now, seeing as you have seen the light.